RE: joke time
September 3, 2014 at 9:12 pm
(This post was last modified: September 3, 2014 at 9:25 pm by Little lunch.)
An Irishman, an Englishman and an American walk into a bar, which is empty except for the biggest, meanest, 20 stone and ugliest mother fucker anyone's ever seen.
The barman immediately comes up to the three and says,'listen, don't look straight away, there's a guy at the other end of the bar with no ears.
He's very self conscious and I fear for your safety if he catches you looking at him, ok?'
Sure enough ,half an hour later, all three of the men glance over and he catches them all looking at the same time.
The big man grabs the American and pushes his head on bar. 'What the fuck were you looking at?'
'I was looking at your hair'
'Why?!'
'I couldn't help but admire how beautiful it is because I am bald'.
So he let's him go and grabs the Englishman and says, 'what about you little man, what were you looking at?'
'I was looking at your lovely teeth. I wish I had teeth like yours.'
'Why?!'
'Because mine rotted out years ago and now I wear falsies.
So he let's the Englishman go and grabs the Irishman.
'What were you looking at?'
'I was looking at those eyes of yours. Beautiful eyes, the best I've ever seen. You better look after those eyes.'
'Why?!'
'Cause if you don't you'll have to wear glasses like me and you got no ears to hang them on.'
While at the petrol station the other day, I over filled my tank and got splash back on my sleeve. Not thinking, I lit up a durry and my sleeve caught on fire.
I was waving it around outside the window when the boys in blue pulled me over.
Ended up getting done for a fucking illegal firearm.
The barman immediately comes up to the three and says,'listen, don't look straight away, there's a guy at the other end of the bar with no ears.
He's very self conscious and I fear for your safety if he catches you looking at him, ok?'
Sure enough ,half an hour later, all three of the men glance over and he catches them all looking at the same time.
The big man grabs the American and pushes his head on bar. 'What the fuck were you looking at?'
'I was looking at your hair'
'Why?!'
'I couldn't help but admire how beautiful it is because I am bald'.
So he let's him go and grabs the Englishman and says, 'what about you little man, what were you looking at?'
'I was looking at your lovely teeth. I wish I had teeth like yours.'
'Why?!'
'Because mine rotted out years ago and now I wear falsies.
So he let's the Englishman go and grabs the Irishman.
'What were you looking at?'
'I was looking at those eyes of yours. Beautiful eyes, the best I've ever seen. You better look after those eyes.'
'Why?!'
'Cause if you don't you'll have to wear glasses like me and you got no ears to hang them on.'
While at the petrol station the other day, I over filled my tank and got splash back on my sleeve. Not thinking, I lit up a durry and my sleeve caught on fire.
I was waving it around outside the window when the boys in blue pulled me over.
Ended up getting done for a fucking illegal firearm.