I'm a sucker for any joke that starts of with a talking animal. (The Bible, for instance.)
Two turtles are just arriving at their campsite and they start unpacking their gear. They set out the tents, unpack the cooking pot, place the food cooler by the fire, and set up the keg. The first turtle is rummaging through their bags and looks up.
Turtle 1 "Dude, you forgot to pack the keg tap!"
T2 "Ahshit! Now what?"
T1 "Well, that was your responsibility, so you go get the tap and I'll stay here and watch the campsite."
T2 "No way! We're turtles! Do you know how long that's gonna take me? By the time I get back, you'll have eaten all the food."
T1 "No, I won't!"
T2 "You will too!"
T1 "Look, I promise--I will not eat anything until you get back."
The second turtle looks at his friend suspiciously...
T2 "ohhh alright. I'll be back. Don't eat anything!"
And with that, off the second turtle went through the woods to get the keg tap.
Turtle number 1 sat down at the fire and pulled out his harmonica to pass the time. He played a few songs and checked his watch. An hour has already passed! A few songs later and a few more hours pass. Soon it's night time and he's hungry. He's eyeing up the food cooler but he remembers his promise. He lies down in his sleeping bag and falls asleep with a hungry belly.
The next morning he wakes up starving. He approaches the cooler, but fights it off at the last second.
A full day passes again.
Now he's starving! The turtle would hate to go back on his turtle word, but if he doesn't eat he fears he'll die. He walks up to the cooler and decides on a small bag of chips. He slowly pulls it out of the cooler and rips the bag open. He pulls out a single chip and places it in his mouth and crunches down.
The second turtle hops out from behind a bush "Ah-ha! I fucking knew it!"
Two turtles are just arriving at their campsite and they start unpacking their gear. They set out the tents, unpack the cooking pot, place the food cooler by the fire, and set up the keg. The first turtle is rummaging through their bags and looks up.
Turtle 1 "Dude, you forgot to pack the keg tap!"
T2 "Ahshit! Now what?"
T1 "Well, that was your responsibility, so you go get the tap and I'll stay here and watch the campsite."
T2 "No way! We're turtles! Do you know how long that's gonna take me? By the time I get back, you'll have eaten all the food."
T1 "No, I won't!"
T2 "You will too!"
T1 "Look, I promise--I will not eat anything until you get back."
The second turtle looks at his friend suspiciously...
T2 "ohhh alright. I'll be back. Don't eat anything!"
And with that, off the second turtle went through the woods to get the keg tap.
Turtle number 1 sat down at the fire and pulled out his harmonica to pass the time. He played a few songs and checked his watch. An hour has already passed! A few songs later and a few more hours pass. Soon it's night time and he's hungry. He's eyeing up the food cooler but he remembers his promise. He lies down in his sleeping bag and falls asleep with a hungry belly.
The next morning he wakes up starving. He approaches the cooler, but fights it off at the last second.
A full day passes again.
Now he's starving! The turtle would hate to go back on his turtle word, but if he doesn't eat he fears he'll die. He walks up to the cooler and decides on a small bag of chips. He slowly pulls it out of the cooler and rips the bag open. He pulls out a single chip and places it in his mouth and crunches down.
The second turtle hops out from behind a bush "Ah-ha! I fucking knew it!"
I can't remember where this verse is from, I think it got removed from canon:
"I don't hang around with mostly men because I'm gay. It's because men are better than women. Better trained, better equipped...better. Just better! I'm not gay."
For context, this is the previous verse:
"Hi Jesus" -robvalue
"I don't hang around with mostly men because I'm gay. It's because men are better than women. Better trained, better equipped...better. Just better! I'm not gay."
For context, this is the previous verse:
"Hi Jesus" -robvalue