(February 24, 2016 at 12:12 pm)pool the great Wrote: In my opinion, a woman should not be forced to carry a child and give birth just because the man wants her to, alternatively a woman should not be allowed to carry a child and give birth if the man refuses to be a father.
A child should be born only if both the man and woman consents to its birth, it's only fair to the child and the other two parties involved.
On behalf of single parents everywhere - OMGUS. Being a single parent takes twice the work, but we will always love our children no matter what. Single parents make many sacrifices too. Some have to work two jobs. Many miss out because while they are working, their kids are in daycare, being raised by someone else. You cannot fathom the amount of stuff we go through when there is no other adult around for us to share with, vent to or have help in raising kids. Yet despite all of that - sometimes being a single parent is the best thing we can do for our kids because the other parent just wasn't parenting material. As was the case with my 20 year old.
I'll share a three short stories with you that happened to me, two of which have to do with your "opinion".
When I was 18 years old, I lost twin girls. It was a traumatic experience to me, one which I would never want anyone to suffer. Every March 24th, I cry because that is the birthday of my twin daughters. This year, they would have turned 26 and I will never know what it would have been like to celebrate holidays, birthdays, school events, college and possibly families of their own by now.
At age 24, I gave birth to a daughter, who was born with Down syndrome. She's now 20. Ten days before I had her, I found out she was going to be born with Down syndrome because I had a very late amniocentesis done due to complications throughout my pregnancy. When I told her father, he stated to me that he was going to exit the picture because (and I'll never forget these words) he said he "couldn't be a parent to a child that wasn't perfect." Granted, she was born with many medical issues. However, she was raised by me - a single mother - taking care of a physically and mentally disabled child, with no help from her father.
I, as a single mother, put in all the hard work. I, a single mother, slept at the hospital with each surgery she underwent, from the day she was admitted until the day she was discharged. The parent lounge of the PICU at the University of Maryland Medical Center was my home as was Hershey's Children's Hospital, where I, a single mother, roomed in with her, on many occasion. I, a single mother, never left to get a break. Nope. I, a single mother, stayed there for each and every time she was hospitalized. I, a single mother, took her to countless doctor appointments to see at least six specialists due to her medical conditions. I, a single mother, took her to four different therapies every week for four years. I, a single mother, made sure she received what she was supposed to in school. I, a single mother, kept her fed. I, a single mother, kept her clothed and kept a roof over her head. Her biological father did NOTHING. That did not sway me in the least and I, a single mother, still did what I, a single mother,had to do to give her the very best start in life. Through five surgeries up till the age of nine, she has grown up to be a wonderful, loving, polite, funny, compassionate and empathetic young lady. No thanks to her biological dad.
Do you get it now?
So, based on what you have so eloquently opined above, I should have had to suffer the same loss of my now 20 year old, missing out on what could have been, as I have missed with my twins? You're saying that because her father chose not to be in the picture, I should not have been entitled to the memories I now have? And that every September, for the last 20 years, I should have been crying over the loss of that beautiful young lady simply because her biological father wanted nothing to do with her because he didn't want to parent a child born with Down syndrome?
That is fucking bullshit. You are too young to realize what you are saying now, but when you finally grow up and you have children of your own, I presume your opinion may change. And I strongly hope that it does.
Both of those situations didn't just affect me. I have family who will never know what it would have been like to celebrate my twins growing up too. And most certainly, if we were to be forced to live with your opinion on single parenting, having the added heartbreak of being forced to abort my 20 year old, would have been unbearable for me.
Furthermore - my own father - at the age of 33 suffered a brain aneurysm and was unable to financially or physically care for my sister and I. He ended up having to live in a VA nursing home where he could receive round the clock care as it was too stressful on my mother at the time. This was 1971, by the way. My mother was pregnant with me at the time this happened. So basically what you're also saying is that I have no right to be on this earth today simply because my father was unable to contribute to my upbringing.
Disclaimer: I am only responsible for what I say, not what you choose to understand.
