In support of the rage of man

[Acrobat]

I'm going to be coming with a couple unpopular lines here:

1) rage is natural, and is not dysfunctional
2) the social norms which are anti-rage are unfair


All expressions of emotion are instinctive, and most of them are not really within conscious control.  When a child cries, the child doesn't really want to cry-- it just cries.  We understand this, and while it's annoying, we recognize that we have to put up with it.  When a fat person compulsively eats, he doesn't really want to get fat-- but the fat person is sometimes unable to subject his instinctive drive to rational truth.  When a woman is needlessly unpleasant due to PMS, we don't like it, and we might even complain about it-- but it's accepted that this is just part of the way some people are.

Men who get angry get none of this consideration.  We have a million years of ruthless savagery ingrained in us.  Most men who anger easily don't like that fact.  They fight against it, are ashamed by it, and when their instincts subject their rational minds in a moment of loss of control, they have about as much control over it as they would an epileptic seizure.

In general, while an aggressive man is clearly a menace, and the behavior is not to be encouraged, I'd also say that demonizing people who have a problem controlling ANY instinct is unfair, and unlikely to produce good results.  Quite the contrary-- using humiliation to moderate a man's behavior is likely to make him feel deeply troubled and insecure, and increase the behavior overall.


I'm not sure what can be done about it.  Probably, really aggressive guys need some vehicle for their aggression-- maybe war, maybe manual labor and lots of it.  But treating aggressive men like they want to feel that way, like they are doing it very much on purpose-- I just don't think that's the way things are.

Things like anger, and rage need moderation and self-control. We shouldn't say it okay that you don't have self-control, just like you shouldn't say it's okay for children to throw tantrums. You shouldn't reward bad behavior, or just be permissive towards it either.

Society, family and friends, telling you it's not okay when you rage out, or lash out on them, is part of what helps us gain self-control. I have to learn moderate my rage and anger, or I'll risk destroying my marriage, my friendship and family. It may be hard work, but because I love them, it's worth it. It's that constant voice, that reminds me when I feel like raging out, "hey man it's not worth it, you'll end up making things worse not better. "