In support of the rage of man

[bennyboy]

This is from Benny's OP:


This seems to be what he's asking for.

I agree. I don’t think it’s right to demonize people who have impulse control issues in general. Demonizing, and tolerating/excusing are different things though. Just so everyone is clear on my position. The hard part is determining which folks truly cannot control their impulses, and which folks can, but choose not to.  Another question to ask is why many people with impulse control issues don’t seek help before they harm someone.

From where I stand, I can't imagine that this set of people is larger than zero.  It's one thing to be deliberately aggressive-- unwanted hand on the shoulder, too-tight handshake, even getting violent just because you think you'll get what you want, and you expect to get away with it-- a lot of dick moves like that.  But to lose control of one's emotions and even behavior on purpose?  Is that even possible? Because it seems like a paradox to me-- "I choose to lose control."

I think part of the problem is that people justify their lack of control, and that is taken at face value.  Does a man who says, "She had it coming" really go into the scenario wanting to tee off?  Or is he trying to examine that moment and justify it after the fact, to absolve himself of moral culpability?  (I never said that, but that's the kind of thing we'd expect a particularly abusive man to say, right?)

I think "she had it coming" if better expressed would be more like "I felt threatened, trapped, and isolated, and something in me took over.  I felt like I was losing control of the situation, and I panicked."

---

Another question to ask is why many people with impulse control issues don’t seek help before they harm someone.

Much of manhood in our culture is defined by independence. You're the bread winner, you have to carry your burden in silence like a man. Complaining or asking for help is burdensome to others. There's that downside to a patriarchy-- if you are a man, you are expected to be unconditionally strong.