In support of the rage of man

[Homeless Nutter]

From where I stand, I can't imagine that this set of people is larger than zero.  It's one thing to be deliberately aggressive-- unwanted hand on the shoulder, too-tight handshake, even getting violent just because you think you'll get what you want, and you expect to get away with it-- a lot of dick moves like that.  But to lose control of one's emotions and even behavior on purpose?  Is that even possible?  Because it seems like a paradox to me-- "I choose to lose control."[...]

I doubt many people consciously decide to lose control in the moment. It's more like a learned behavior, a habit, that one allows oneself to develop. It's kind of like crying. Very few people can actually cry on command, enjoy it, or feel good about others seeing them in such state, but if you get used to this reaction and don't develop ways to predict it and suppress it, it may become a coping mechanism, especially if it gets results.

I know that when I lose my temper, it feels pretty good - at least in comparison to silently stewing in my own stress and accepting - real, or perceived - slights. And my smug d*ckhead of a boss tends to get off my ar*se -at least temporarily - if I make a fuss. If I cared more about my job - for example if the D*ckhead paid me more - I'd probably be more motivated to remind myself to keep my mouth shut, or at least to apologize afterwards. As it stands - I allow myself to get into certain situations, that - I should know by now - will trigger my anger and harm me in the long term. Because don't really care to try and stop myself.

In my case the propensity to have outbursts of anger correlates with a few factors, like the amount of sleep I'm getting, the amount of weed I'm smoking, the amount of work I'm doing, et cetera... I'm not too bothered about my work, or relations with co-workers, but it seems that the more I get used to this kind of behavior at work, the more likely I am to fall into the same routine, when talking to people I care about.