Open to explore possibility

[pocaracas]

One thing that is still a bit scary to me as a fairy new atheist, is accepting "I don't know" and leaving myself open to new arguments, new evidence, etc. I think as a Christian, I was lazy about my religion and took a lot of things for granted. I didn't push or dig, or experiment, I just believed because that was what I was told was true.

What flavour of christian were you raised to be?
What's wrong with accepting "I don't know" as an answer when you really don't know?

Young earth argument >> "The truth of the matter is that the moon is receding from the earth. The recession of the moon is caused by the tidal breaking that takes place between the earth and the moon. Tidal breaking causes the moon to accelerate in its orbit and therefore expand the orbit. Based upon measurable data, scientists have calculated that the moon is receding at a rate of 3.8cm/year (Pogge 2005). These measurements are taken by beaming laser rays at reflector arrays that have been positioned on the moon (Pogge 2005). At this rate, some young-earth scientists claim that the moon would have been so close a mere million years ago that the tides would have drowned the creatures on earth. It is said that based upon the rate of the moon's recession that it cannot be older than 10,000 years."
Knowing from various other sources that the Earth is indeed older than 10,000 years, something is wrong in the reasoning above. You may not know what's wrong, but you know something is wrong.

I mean, I had my own experiences and I studied the scriptures and doctrine, but lazy in the sense that I never questioned or followed my doubts. I never fully researched or tested a belief in a God.

Lazy and yet studying... hehe...

So, for about 30 years of my life, I've been operating on this system of accepting "this is the truth about the world and existence" and moving on with my day. In some ways, I'm still trying to get there, to find something solid to accept so that I can move on with my day and not think about it. But that's not the way I want to live. I don't want to feel secure in something and ever get the rug swept out from under me ever again, simply because I was ignorant or wasn't paying close enough attention.

Don't ever become a scientist.  

However, even though this is still something I've only explored for about 4 or 5 months, I do find myself occasionally consumed by the pursuit of arguments and questions. Probably 80% of my waking hours are involved with thoughts about the weight of reality and the flaws in Biblical morality, the nature of God(exploring a "if it were true" thought process), the flaws in the history or literal aspects of the Bible, etc. I can feel myself trying to hammer it all down to make sure the world makes definitive sense.

Ah... 4 or 5 months after waking up... if only real life was as easy as the Matrix.
I'd advise you not to worry so much about it.
Religion has a number of laudable moral instructions... but they're made for the wrong reason. Take the divine out of the equation, insert society, social interaction, social wellbeing, social evolution and the annoying requirement that people need other people to actually survive, so they all better behave in such a way that suits everyone else. The trouble is that, as the populations increase, it becomes unlikely that any individual you meet outside will ever provide any input to your wellbeing. Still, on the chance that they will, you better behave properly towards everyone.

Have you guys also struggled with "I don't know"? Was it ever scary or painful to reach that place? I recognize it's still new for me and the likelihood that healing from religious trauma will eventually happen.

If you ever need to know anything, google it. You'll find answers for most things. For some things you'll find all sorts of answers, ranging from the scientific to the conspiracist to the religious.
Or you can just ask.
Good luck!