Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: March 29, 2024, 7:09 am

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Prosperity theology
#1
Prosperity theology
DEUTERONOMY
Chapter 28
1 And it shall come to pass, if thou shalt hearken diligently unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe and to do all his commandments which I command thee this day, that the LORD thy God will set thee on high above all nations of the earth:
The "voice" of the Lord? Not the word, as in written, but "voice"? So if i hear the voice of the lord I will be set high abave nations? WOW!! This is Prosperity theology...lets see how it holds up?
2 And all these blessings shall come on thee, and overtake thee, if thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God.
[Image: 800px-TCC-TBN.jpg]
..and you too can have a mansion like mine, if you give to Reverend Jeremiah ministries..Praise Sweet Baby Jesus!
3 Blessed shalt thou be in the city, and blessed shalt thou be in the field.
So those farmers who are doing poorly in the feild are being punished by God, and those who are doing poorly in the city are bneing punished by Jesus, obviously.
4 Blessed shall be the fruit of thy body, and the fruit of thy ground, and the fruit of thy cattle, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep.
True Christians are blessed with healthy babies, and good food, meat, buffaloes (kine) and flocks of healthy sheep. The health of a persons children and flock are a direct result of god blessing them.
5 Blessed shall be thy basket and thy store.
The first fruits of your harvest will be healthy and good, and they will last a long time in storage.
6 Blessed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and blessed shalt thou be when thou goest out.
You will be constantly blessed wether you are coming or going.
7 The LORD shall cause thine enemies that rise up against thee to be smitten before thy face: they shall come out against thee one way, and flee before thee seven ways.
Nobody will be able to be victorious if they oppose you. As you can see, if God is blessing you, then you are invincible. this also means that Obama obviously was blessed in order to become the president.
8 The LORD shall command the blessing upon thee in thy storehouses, and in all that thou settest thine hand unto; and he shall bless thee in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
Back in the days before refridgeration, they relied on storehouses (and they wonder why we question the bibles modern relivance) to store their food. This verse says he will grant a blessing touch on those who he blesses. Everything a blessed man touches will last longer, and god will even give you LAND that will be automatically blessed and fertile!
9 The LORD shall establish thee an holy people unto himself, as he hath sworn unto thee, if thou shalt keep the commandments of the LORD thy God, and walk in his ways.
Your race of people will be considered holy unto god, and grant you all of these promises...IF...if only you follow these tiny bit of rules...
10 And all people of the earth shall see that thou art called by the name of the LORD; and they shall be afraid of thee.
If you follow these rules then God will seem even MORE glorious through YOUR works, and they shall fear you! But, what if you dont want people to fear you? This is a bit of a telling verse that the Hebrew prefered people fearing them than actually respecting them or befriending them. Then again, that makes since, considering the Hebrews raped, plundered and pillaged everyone around them. But that was told in THIS book (which tells obvious lies many times over..just wait, you'll see...).
11 And the LORD shall make thee plenteous in goods, in the fruit of thy body, and in the fruit of thy cattle, and in the fruit of thy ground, in the land which the LORD sware unto thy fathers to give thee.
Keep rubbing it in, as if suggesting you would be an invincible super man with the golden touch and a perfect nut sack just isnt enough. I get it, I will become a blessed man
12 The LORD shall open unto thee his good treasure, the heaven to give the rain unto thy land in his season, and to bless all the work of thine hand: and thou shalt lend unto many nations, and thou shalt not borrow.
...an added bonus....the Lord will also ensure rain on your crops. And you will become so rich that other nations will wish to borrow money from you (sounds like atheistic China), and you will have no need to borrow from any nation. All this talk of nation makes me wonder if these promises are no longer for a single person, but for an entire group of people. The bible is HORRIBLY written like this, yet most people are afraid to point it out.
13 And the LORD shall make thee the head, and not the tail; and thou shalt be above only, and thou shalt not be beneath; if that thou hearken unto the commandments of the LORD thy God, which I command thee this day, to observe and to do them:
and then we switch back to giving promises to an individual man, instead of a nation. God promises that if you follow these laws you will be great in stature.
14 And thou shalt not go aside from any of the words which I command thee this day, to the right hand, or to the left, to go after other gods to serve them.
You are immediately warned never to once stray away from, or break ANY of the commandments (the bible is very clear that the punishment is death for breaking any commandment). Trusting in another god (such as Jesus, the demigod invented from Hebrew religious beliefs) is a breaking of the commandments.
15 But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee:
This is a list of curses you shall receive if you are not blessed by the lord. this will happen to you if you do not follow the command of the Lord, or follow other gods.
16 Cursed shalt thou be in the city, and cursed shalt thou be in the field.
Your cities and fields will not be fruitful. If this is true then many non-Hebrew cities would have failed long ago, and most non-hebrews would have starved to death
17 Cursed shall be thy basket and thy store.
So the rotten food they pull from their cursed fields will be stored in cursed warehouses. If this is true then how do non-Hebrews even exist to this day? They would have died off..unless, God did bless them. I guess god blessed the Vikings as well.
18 Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body, and the fruit of thy land, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep.
non-hebrews would have pumped out nothing but deformed and sickly babies, even if they were born alive. Like I said before, if ANY of this were true then non-hebrews would not have survived 2 or 3 generations, much less 6,000+ years.
19 Cursed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and cursed shalt thou be when thou goest out.
*yawn*
20 The LORD shall send upon thee cursing, vexation, and rebuke, in all that thou settest thine hand unto for to do, until thou be destroyed, and until thou perish quickly; because of the wickedness of thy doings, whereby thou hast forsaken me.
not a single thing that a non-believer did or does will be blessed. It will break, and then you will die quickly because you do no appease the lords ego. this is so obviously NOT true and very clearly a lie that you have to be deluded to believe this shit
21 The LORD shall make the pestilence cleave unto thee, until he have consumed thee from off the land, whither thou goest to possess it.
Thats not true. I am pretty damn healthy, and I openly mock and dispise the god of the Hebrews. So either god was lying, he doesnt have the power to smite me, or he doesnt really exist. Trying to suggest that he is giving me a second chance is not correct, as it clearly said a few verses back that God would cause me to "quickly perish". I have been an atheist for a decade now.
22 The LORD shall smite thee with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an inflammation, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish.
Here the lord is shown controlling disease, something that Christians try to avoid discussion. In the bible God LOVES killing millions through plagues, children, pregnant women, he doesnt care. He slaughters them all, so that they perish quickly. I have NEVER had consumption, everyone has had a fever, I dont have extreme burning, never been run through with a sword (sword? FUCKING LOL..its 2012!), and I think mildew persues everyone and none of this shit has killed me yet. The bible is full of shit!
23 And thy heaven that is over thy head shall be brass, and the earth that is under thee shall be iron.
Im sure this was poetic back in the day with nomadic Hebrew types. I personally think it sucks.
24 The LORD shall make the rain of thy land powder and dust: from heaven shall it come down upon thee, until thou be destroyed.
unbelievers will not have rain for their crops, but instead dust from heaven. I find this verse VERY humorous, as China, North Vietnam, and North Korea are ALL officially atheist. In fact they FORCE atheism upon its people yet it rains on their crops for many days in a row. On the other hand, Oklahoma was EXTREMELY Christian back in the dust bowl era, yet no rain came down and the fields turned to dust. God must love atheistic communist regimes and hate Christian farmers. Either that or god is lying in this book, or this book is obvious bullshit myth
25 The LORD shall cause thee to be smitten before thine enemies: thou shalt go out one way against them, and flee seven ways before them: and shalt be removed into all the kingdoms of the earth.
I think i have helped out enough on this...read the rest of this chapter and you will see so many bullshit claims from the writters of this book...its simply amazing that people fucking believed this crap. Please keep in mind that these beliefs were ENFORCED, and you were not allowed to deviate from them for fear of your life....THAT is one of the reasons why obvious and utter bullshit such as this could survive for so long.
26 And thy carcase shall be meat unto all fowls of the air, and unto the beasts of the earth, and no man shall fray them away.
27 The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.
28 The LORD shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart:
29 And thou shalt grope at noonday, as the blind gropeth in darkness, and thou shalt not prosper in thy ways: and thou shalt be only oppressed and spoiled evermore, and no man shall save thee.
30 Thou shalt betroth a wife, and another man shall lie with her: thou shalt build an house, and thou shalt not dwell therein: thou shalt plant a vineyard, and shalt not gather the grapes thereof.
31 Thine ox shall be slain before thine eyes, and thou shalt not eat thereof: thine ass shall be violently taken away from before thy face, and shall not be restored to thee: thy sheep shall be given unto thine enemies, and thou shalt have none to rescue them.
32 Thy sons and thy daughters shall be given unto another people, and thine eyes shall look, and fail with longing for them all the day long; and there shall be no might in thine hand.
33 The fruit of thy land, and all thy labours, shall a nation which thou knowest not eat up; and thou shalt be only oppressed and crushed alway:
34 So that thou shalt be mad for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see.
35 The LORD shall smite thee in the knees, and in the legs, with a sore botch that cannot be healed, from the sole of thy foot unto the top of thy head.
36 The LORD shall bring thee, and thy king which thou shalt set over thee, unto a nation which neither thou nor thy fathers have known; and there shalt thou serve other gods, wood and stone.
37 And thou shalt become an astonishment, a proverb, and a byword, among all nations whither the LORD shall lead thee.
38 Thou shalt carry much seed out into the field, and shalt gather but little in; for the locust shall consume it.
39 Thou shalt plant vineyards, and dress them, but shalt neither drink of the wine, nor gather the grapes; for the worms shall eat them.
40 Thou shalt have olive trees throughout all thy coasts, but thou shalt not anoint thyself with the oil; for thine olive shall cast his fruit.
41 Thou shalt beget sons and daughters, but thou shalt not enjoy them; for they shall go into captivity.
42 All thy trees and fruit of thy land shall the locust consume.
43 The stranger that is within thee shall get up above thee very high; and thou shalt come down very low.
44 He shall lend to thee, and thou shalt not lend to him: he shall be the head, and thou shalt be the tail.
45 Moreover all these curses shall come upon thee, and shall pursue thee, and overtake thee, till thou be destroyed; because thou hearkenedst not unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep his commandments and his statutes which he commanded thee:
46 And they shall be upon thee for a sign and for a wonder, and upon thy seed for ever.
47 Because thou servedst not the LORD thy God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, for the abundance of all things;
48 Therefore shalt thou serve thine enemies which the LORD shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things: and he shall put a yoke of iron upon thy neck, until he have destroyed thee.
49 The LORD shall bring a nation against thee from far, from the end of the earth, as swift as the eagle flieth; a nation whose tongue thou shalt not understand;
50 A nation of fierce countenance, which shall not regard the person of the old, nor shew favour to the young:
51 And he shall eat the fruit of thy cattle, and the fruit of thy land, until thou be destroyed: which also shall not leave thee either corn, wine, or oil, or the increase of thy kine, or flocks of thy sheep, until he have destroyed thee.
52 And he shall besiege thee in all thy gates, until thy high and fenced walls come down, wherein thou trustedst, throughout all thy land: and he shall besiege thee in all thy gates throughout all thy land, which the LORD thy God hath given thee.
53 And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters, which the LORD thy God hath given thee, in the siege, and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemies shall distress thee:
54 So that the man that is tender among you, and very delicate, his eye shall be evil toward his brother, and toward the wife of his bosom, and toward the remnant of his children which he shall leave:
55 So that he will not give to any of them of the flesh of his children whom he shall eat: because he hath nothing left him in the siege, and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemies shall distress thee in all thy gates.
56 The tender and delicate woman among you, which would not adventure to set the sole of her foot upon the ground for delicateness and tenderness, her eye shall be evil toward the husband of her bosom, and toward her son, and toward her daughter,
57 And toward her young one that cometh out from between her feet, and toward her children which she shall bear: for she shall eat them for want of all things secretly in the siege and straitness, wherewith thine enemy shall distress thee in thy gates.
58 If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, THE LORD THY GOD;
59 Then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance.
60 Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee.
61 Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bring upon thee, until thou be destroyed.
62 And ye shall be left few in number, whereas ye were as the stars of heaven for multitude; because thou wouldest not obey the voice of the LORD thy God.
63 And it shall come to pass, that as the LORD rejoiced over you to do you good, and to multiply you; so the LORD will rejoice over you to destroy you, and to bring you to nought; and ye shall be plucked from off the land whither thou goest to possess it.
64 And the LORD shall scatter thee among all people, from the one end of the earth even unto the other; and there thou shalt serve other gods, which neither thou nor thy fathers have known, even wood and stone.
65 And among these nations shalt thou find no ease, neither shall the sole of thy foot have rest: but the LORD shall give thee there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and sorrow of mind:
66 And thy life shall hang in doubt before thee; and thou shalt fear day and night, and shalt have none assurance of thy life:
67 In the morning thou shalt say, Would God it were even! and at even thou shalt say, Would God it were morning! for the fear of thine heart wherewith thou shalt fear, and for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see.
68 And the LORD shall bring thee into Egypt again with ships, by the way whereof I spake unto thee, Thou shalt see it no more again: and there ye shall be sold unto your enemies for bondmen and bondwomen, and no man shall buy you.
Reply
#2
RE: Prosperity theology
Thinking

All them bible parts sound a bit fishy to me too... but I'm sure that in my head I've interpreted it completely out of context.
Can I fucking share this with people. I'll totally give you credit. I just think people should read it.

I think it would be fun to have a bible translation game. Like, the first person picks a verse, translates it hilariously, and then picks another verse for the next, and so on.
42

Reply
#3
RE: Prosperity theology
(December 28, 2011 at 9:16 pm)aleialoura Wrote: Thinking

All them bible parts sound a bit fishy to me too... but I'm sure that in my head I've interpreted it completely out of context.
Can I fucking share this with people. I'll totally give you credit. I just think people should read it.

I think it would be fun to have a bible translation game. Like, the first person picks a verse, translates it hilariously, and then picks another verse for the next, and so on.

Go right ahead

you dont have to give me credit if you want..or you can just send them to Jesuschristarcade.com...even though it is currently under construction
Reply
#4
RE: Prosperity theology

Sorry Rev,,not reading that wall of text.

Simply put, prosperity theology is an updated and dumbed down (even further) form of Calvinism.

Reply
#5
RE: Prosperity theology
Ive told people over and over again that the bible is obvious bullshit, but even some agnostics think you have to be some kind of bible scholar to find bad things.

Fuck no..hell, the bible isnt even written very well (as I showed you in one of the verses above, one minute it speaks of individuals, then it speaks as if the individual is a nation) Just walk through the bible verse by verse and write your own commentary next to it...soon you will find that it is easy to shred the bible to pieces.
(December 28, 2011 at 9:38 pm)padraic Wrote: Sorry Rev,,not reading that wall of text.

Simply put, prosperity theology is an updated and dumbed down (even further) form of Calvinism.

Thats okay..I figured some would not read it..it is basically a step by step to see that the bible makes outrageous promises for mere belief.
Reply
#6
RE: Prosperity theology
(December 28, 2011 at 9:39 pm)reverendjeremiah Wrote: Ive told people over and over again that the bible is obvious bullshit, but even some agnostics think you have to be some kind of bible scholar to find bad things.

Fuck no..hell, the bible isnt even written very well (as I showed you in one of the verses above, one minute it speaks of individuals, then it speaks as if the individual is a nation) Just walk through the bible verse by verse and write your own commentary next to it...soon you will find that it is easy to shred the bible to pieces.
(December 28, 2011 at 9:38 pm)padraic Wrote: Sorry Rev,,not reading that wall of text.

Simply put, prosperity theology is an updated and dumbed down (even further) form of Calvinism.

Thats okay..I figured some would not read it..it is basically a step by step to see that the bible makes outrageous promises for mere belief.

The only thing shred is your brain, coleslaw I bet.
God loves those who believe and those who do not and the same goes for me, you have no choice in this matter. That puts the matter of total free will to rest.
Reply
#7
RE: Prosperity theology
Coleslaw?

COLESLAW?!?!

I fucking HATE coleslaw...LOL.

You know GC, down here in North Carolina it is a tradition to put a glob of that ungodly slop on a perfectly fine barbeque sandwich. Can you believe that? They are willing to ruin a slowly smoked and delicately pulled pork heaven with something that resembles birdshit mixed with grass.

[Image: 220px-BBQ_Pulled_Pork.jpg]

WTF is wrong with this picture people?!?!?!?!

For starters, they used fucking sweet barbeque sauce on the pork instead of vinegar and red pepper

...oh yeah...how about that big slopin pile of bird shit right next to that fucked up sandwich?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/co...d_Pork.jpg
click above for a closer look at this travesty

THEY RUINS IT!!!!

Threaten me with divine judgement. threaten me with eternal hellfire.... but to replace my brain with such a disgusting blob of shit is too much for me to handle!
Reply
#8
RE: Prosperity theology
Quote:WTF is wrong with this picture people?!?!?!?!

That coleslaw looks like it's already been eaten once?Tiger
Quote:The only thing shred is your brain, coleslaw I bet.


Oh,I say,how colourfully inarticulate, but I get the jist. Very Christian of you.(no really) Wink Shades
Reply



Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  What value do you see in studying theology in concerns to Christianity? EgoDeath 40 3792 September 8, 2019 at 4:32 pm
Last Post: EgoDeath
  BIG THEOLOGY NEWS!! FreeTony 30 4582 December 11, 2014 at 12:36 am
Last Post: Sejanus
  Misconceptions of Christian theology jstrodel 109 45739 March 11, 2013 at 11:56 am
Last Post: Mister Agenda
  Theology Based On An Allegorical Genesis FallentoReason 50 21402 February 11, 2013 at 6:42 pm
Last Post: Nine
  Theology of the Holy Spirit greneknight 12 4459 September 18, 2012 at 9:41 am
Last Post: Drich
  My theology class with a bunch of Unitarians Ziploc Surprise 5 3467 April 7, 2012 at 8:53 pm
Last Post: Minimalist
  Circular arguments in Christian theology Ziploc Surprise 20 8426 November 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Last Post: Ziploc Surprise
  I love Theology class Nitsuj 13 7623 September 8, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Last Post: Nitsuj
  Faith in God leads to prosperity? Welsh cake 17 4543 June 3, 2010 at 6:25 am
Last Post: tackattack



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)