RE: How do you know how you feel?
February 4, 2012 at 8:18 pm
(This post was last modified: February 4, 2012 at 8:20 pm by Oldandeasilyconfused.)
When I was doing my training as a Lifeline counselor, I was taught:
Few people are able to accurately describe what they are actually feeling at any given moment. Behaviour is NOT a reliable guide because:
In our society it is not acceptable for a man to show (or even feel) fear or sadness,but it is acceptable to show anger,so that is often what we convince ourselves we are feeling and is the emotion we show to others. It's not OK fora woman to get angry,but it is OK for her to be sad or"upset",so that's how women tend to behave;they burst into tears instead of punching your lights out.
The above is a simplistic and iincomplete explanation of the clinical model on which it is a based; the concept of "the racket" used in Transactional Analysis.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transaction...is#Rackets
Disclaimer: This model works for me,but I make no truth claims and will not argue the point :
Few people are able to accurately describe what they are actually feeling at any given moment. Behaviour is NOT a reliable guide because:
In our society it is not acceptable for a man to show (or even feel) fear or sadness,but it is acceptable to show anger,so that is often what we convince ourselves we are feeling and is the emotion we show to others. It's not OK fora woman to get angry,but it is OK for her to be sad or"upset",so that's how women tend to behave;they burst into tears instead of punching your lights out.
The above is a simplistic and iincomplete explanation of the clinical model on which it is a based; the concept of "the racket" used in Transactional Analysis.
Quote:Rackets
A racket is the dual strategy of getting "permitted feelings," while covering up feelings which we truly feel, but which we regard as being "not allowed". More technically, a racket feeling is "a familiar set of emotions, learned and enhanced during childhood, experienced in many different stress situations, and maladaptive as an adult means of problem solving".
A racket is then a set of behaviours which originate from the childhood script rather than in here-and-now full Adult thinking, which (1) are employed as a way to manipulate the environment to match the script rather than to actually solve the problem, and (2) whose covert goal is not so much to solve the problem, as to experience these racket feelings and feel internally justified in experiencing them.
Examples of racket and racket feelings: "Why do I meet good guys who turn out to be so hurtful", or "He always takes advantage of my goodwill". The racket is then a set of behaviours and chosen strategies learned and practised in childhood which in fact help to cause these feelings to be experienced. Typically this happens despite their own surface protestations and hurt feelings, out of awareness and in a way that is perceived as someone else's fault. One covert pay-off for this racket and its feelings, might be to gain in a guilt free way, continued evidence and reinforcement for a childhood script belief that "People will always let you down
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transaction...is#Rackets
Disclaimer: This model works for me,but I make no truth claims and will not argue the point :
