Maybe I never was a Christian?

[Reforged]

If your worldview is correct then life itself seems to be a waste. No meaning, no purpose, we simply...are.

The Christian worldview gives purpose and meaning to life. You could even argue that even if atheism is true beyond a shadow of a doubt, a life lived under Christian beliefs could be seen to be very fulfilling because of the hope that it instills.

No, it doesn't. Assuming its true and we ignore the Bible and the evidence to the contrary; you live to serve a God who will in return grant eternal life.

Then what is the purpose of that eternal life?
To forever serve and sing about how great God is? What happens if you decide you don't want to? Does he do with you what he does with the "heretics"?
You know what that sounds like? North Korea.

If you call that a purpose it is an empty and unfulfilling one.
My purpose is what I decide it is. I don't claim to know how this all began, fact is I don't know and neither do you. I'll live for the now, for the people around me, for the world I live in and I'll work toward preserving them.
This whole concept of "Nothing really matters as long as I believe in God, then I'll live forever! :-)"? Its delusional and will only serve to make you easier to manipulate as it has been used to manipulate so many others. Its an opiate administered to the masses to make them easier to control and less concerned with what is being done to the world around them, because apparently it'll all be alright in the end as long as we're good Christians... or Muslims... or Hindus... whatever.
Its a mind-killer, its a slave collar forged from the fear of death and the fear of the unknown.
Mind forged manacles happily passed down from father to child, each generation fooled into thinking they're saving their loved ones when really they're numbing their capability for critical thinking and independent thought. If you don't think so then take a long hard look at the techniques used to convince good men and women to do some of the most unspeakable acts in history.
You'll find religion is chief among them. Religion and authority. What better authority than the champion of "the supreme being"?

Control, control is the end game. Once you have the people scared to question, scared to think for fear it will damn them but unquestioning in their defence of you, unquestioning in their loyalty to the views you promote regardless of implications, unquestioning in their willingness to die for your "holy" cause to secure paradise for themselves then you have the world at your feet.
Control. Thats why religion exists, thats why it will continue to exist, thats why things will never get better. Because the people will always be so concerned for the "next life" they will never take the time to look at this one.
A governments greatest fear is that its people become rational, critical, informed, unified. They couldn't ask for a better tool to ensure this never happens.

You don't believe anymore than I do, not really. You're just scared of death, we all are.
Some people just deal with it in different ways from others. I know I'm going to die, I know that given time my memory will fade and there won't be a single person who will remember I even existed. It doesn't matter. If I contribute even just the tiniest fraction to the future of my race its a life worth living. You give death the middle finger and you keep going. I won't live in a fairytale. Yes, I will die but I will die knowing I tried to live every moment like it was my last.
No compromise, not even in the face of oblivion.

[Whatkins]

This topic reminds me of Jay Lucas's assertions that atheists are merely "repressing their theism".

Again it seems that Christians like to exalt in things that are conveniently non-demonstrable.