A memory... I think.

[Reforged]

Thing you need to know about me is... I don't remember much. Ingeneral but also about alot of things in my past. Its like a fog that if I try to push through too hard I just end up with a headache and a constipated expression. I was trying to remember the happiest moment I ever had. One instantly pushed itself forward. One that compelled me to find the e-mail address of someone I once knew and send this. At least... I think it was her.
Not even sure if she still uses the e-mail address... I remember so little.

"I hope this reaches the right person. I couldn't remember the last name but your picture looks remarkably similar.
I was trying to remember a moment I was truly happy in my life. I mean, as close to contentment as I could be.
A moment instantly sprang to mind, a school bus that headed to stansted mountfitchet when I was 15.
I was on it, I'd make a sweet girl called Sam laugh whenever I could just to see her smile because when she smiled it was like the world grew brighter.
No matter what was on my mind her smile would erase it instantly, she was beautiful beyond words.
I'm 22 now, I doubt anyone would recognize me with all that has happened but every now and then I remember that smile and I feel just like that boy again.
But I'm not, hes gone forever and hes taken those moments with him.
Nevertheless I found I could not get thought out of mind. I found myself consumed with worry to the point I couldn't sleep, I needed to check she was safe.

Anyway, if you are her I just wanted to say I hope you're happy, I hope you're still smiling, I hope you're still you.
I want you to know that your smile still makes me feel like a better person, it is the last glimmer of humanity that keeps me going, it will be the very last spark in my eye to fade.
Like I said, I'm not that kid anymore. That doesn't change the fact that you were and will always be what is best in me.
I sincerely miss you.

Please take care of yourself, Richard"

Part of me kind of hopes the e-mail address has been long since abandoned so that no-one on the other end can go "Yeeeeah, nutcase" and delete it.
I don't really want her to read it, I don't want her even to remember me. I just want to know shes safe and happy.
I don't know what you make of that, I don't really care either.
I just wanted to get it off my chest. So yeah... fuck you.

[festive1]

Aww, Raph, I didn't take you as a sentimental sort of guy... It's nice to know that part of you is. I don't know your story, but it's always nice to be reminded of our bright spots (which is what you did for this girl). It might have made her day to remember those times. Just remember, though you may have a hard time accepting it, you have your bright spots too. Enough gushiness from me.

[Faith No More]

I just wanted to get it off my chest. So yeah... fuck you.

No...fuck you.