Advice needed: My philosophical position is destroying my relationships
September 6, 2009 at 10:21 am
Hi all! This is my first post - I found this forum because I'd really like the advice of fellow atheists; I hope this thread is the appropriate one for this topic! I travel a lot in religious Latin countries so I rarely meet other atheists in person and so, I thought I could turn to this forum!
When philosophical discussions come up I usually try to avoid it because I am very bad at expressing my opinions and arguing a point (and usually am not talking in English when it happens, which makes it even harder) and I'm not usually in the company of analytical and scientifically minded people so I've found that less conflicts and arguments occur when I simply bite my tongue.
But when I'm in a relationship with someone it's different. I need to be open and frank and honest with that person. Today yet another relationship of mine has ended because I shared my beliefs with the girl. In an ideal world I'd only go out with other atheists.. but that's very difficult in the circles I am usually in. I can "put up" with a girl being religious if we get along in every other way, but the way I express my thoughts mean that the reverse is never true... the way I say what I want to say always comes out too harsh and offends the other person.
I'd really love for some encouragement or tips from someone who has been in a similar situation!! I need to express myself better; how do you defend your thoughts without offending the other person? I'm very clear that I am certain about my beliefs and frankly do not respect theirs. Is there any way to say this without just lying? Also, if anyone has links to how to argue your case I'd appreciate it if I am in a discussion with anyone. I grew up in a catholic environment and was a believer until I went to university and took part in many philosophical discussions and read a lot about the subject. I'm very analytically minded, but this logical approach of explaining myself never works with people I am usually with.
Sorry for the rambling post... hope someone here can help me out!! Thanks
When philosophical discussions come up I usually try to avoid it because I am very bad at expressing my opinions and arguing a point (and usually am not talking in English when it happens, which makes it even harder) and I'm not usually in the company of analytical and scientifically minded people so I've found that less conflicts and arguments occur when I simply bite my tongue.
But when I'm in a relationship with someone it's different. I need to be open and frank and honest with that person. Today yet another relationship of mine has ended because I shared my beliefs with the girl. In an ideal world I'd only go out with other atheists.. but that's very difficult in the circles I am usually in. I can "put up" with a girl being religious if we get along in every other way, but the way I express my thoughts mean that the reverse is never true... the way I say what I want to say always comes out too harsh and offends the other person.
I'd really love for some encouragement or tips from someone who has been in a similar situation!! I need to express myself better; how do you defend your thoughts without offending the other person? I'm very clear that I am certain about my beliefs and frankly do not respect theirs. Is there any way to say this without just lying? Also, if anyone has links to how to argue your case I'd appreciate it if I am in a discussion with anyone. I grew up in a catholic environment and was a believer until I went to university and took part in many philosophical discussions and read a lot about the subject. I'm very analytically minded, but this logical approach of explaining myself never works with people I am usually with.
Sorry for the rambling post... hope someone here can help me out!! Thanks
