Why I Left Islam And Became An Atheist
May 16, 2013 at 3:58 pm
(This post was last modified: May 16, 2013 at 4:04 pm by mota.)
I was born and raised in Saudi Arabia. One of the strictest and most religious countries in the world. Studying quran and the hadiths ("a saying or an act or tacit approval or disapproval […] ascribed to the Islamic prophet") is mandatory in all levels in school. Any thing that conflicts with islam or may raise questions about creationism, is not taught, and not allowed to be published, except that these ideas and beliefs are wrong. Information on the internet that relates to evolution, atheism or any religion other than islam is most likely blocked.
My family is pretty strict too. My mom volunteers in a quranic school, which is a school that specializes in teaching the quran and hadiths, nothing else. Adult females in my family cover everything when they go out, even their hands, which is not required, but is recommended in our belief. I once stopped listening to music, because I didn't want a boiling metal to be poured into my ears. And I once broke up with the one I love because it's a sin. I thought I was doing good for both of us, by reducing the chances of us going to hell. When I was 14 years old, I once grabbed my 12 years old sister's head, and smashed it on a door, because she refused to cover her face when we went out. She was only covering her head. I thought, I am not a man if a female in my family wasn't covering herself up.
I've been fortunate to study in a new British-affiliated university that uses the exact same books published and studied in Britain. One of the books I've read talks about evolution as a scientifically-approved theory. I was fascinated about the idea, and confused at the same time. Why haven't I heard about this theory before? I tried then to read more about evolution. The more I read, the more I believed in it, and the more confused I became. I was trying to fit this idea together with the ideas I've been told during the past. I tried really hard. But I just couldn't.
This has ignited a dead region in my brain. The region that was active when I was born, but was instructed later on to turn off. I started to fundamentally question my beliefs. Why am I a muslim? Would I be a muslim if my parents were jewish or if I was born in a christian family? Why do we think islam is the correct religion? Are we smarter than non-muslims? Why did god create a little kid and then instructed a prophet (Al Khidr) to kill that kid? Why did god choose Arabs? Aren't we all the product of his creation? What's the destiny of the isolated tribes[1] living somewhere on this planet, and who simply don't know about religion? Heaven? Or hell? The more I read and think, the more belief I lose. Until finally confronting myself with the reality: I was brainwashed.
When I first realized I no longer believe in god, I was so scared. I kept praying after ignoring his existence, five times a day. I was thinking, maybe he'd forgive me if I was wrong. I was finally able to let go, after two months of emotional torture. It's a scary feeling to let go of the beliefs you've kept holding to for more than 20 years.
I'm sure most religious people, especially those who's been raised by religious parents or in a religious community, didn't question their beliefs either. As the most fundamental questions are usually asked during childhood, and they're answered with some nonsense that is taken for granted later on. I just hope we realize that we are all human beings, coming from the same source, sharing the same resources, and that religion is destroying humanity, by ingraining hate into our minds. I've hurt my sister once because of this. I apologize to her, and I apologize for any hate I've kept during the past towards Jews, Shiaa-mulsims and any other human being.
I decided to publish my story hoping that it would open the mind of someone, someday.
[1]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZtpDODjK44
My family is pretty strict too. My mom volunteers in a quranic school, which is a school that specializes in teaching the quran and hadiths, nothing else. Adult females in my family cover everything when they go out, even their hands, which is not required, but is recommended in our belief. I once stopped listening to music, because I didn't want a boiling metal to be poured into my ears. And I once broke up with the one I love because it's a sin. I thought I was doing good for both of us, by reducing the chances of us going to hell. When I was 14 years old, I once grabbed my 12 years old sister's head, and smashed it on a door, because she refused to cover her face when we went out. She was only covering her head. I thought, I am not a man if a female in my family wasn't covering herself up.
I've been fortunate to study in a new British-affiliated university that uses the exact same books published and studied in Britain. One of the books I've read talks about evolution as a scientifically-approved theory. I was fascinated about the idea, and confused at the same time. Why haven't I heard about this theory before? I tried then to read more about evolution. The more I read, the more I believed in it, and the more confused I became. I was trying to fit this idea together with the ideas I've been told during the past. I tried really hard. But I just couldn't.
This has ignited a dead region in my brain. The region that was active when I was born, but was instructed later on to turn off. I started to fundamentally question my beliefs. Why am I a muslim? Would I be a muslim if my parents were jewish or if I was born in a christian family? Why do we think islam is the correct religion? Are we smarter than non-muslims? Why did god create a little kid and then instructed a prophet (Al Khidr) to kill that kid? Why did god choose Arabs? Aren't we all the product of his creation? What's the destiny of the isolated tribes[1] living somewhere on this planet, and who simply don't know about religion? Heaven? Or hell? The more I read and think, the more belief I lose. Until finally confronting myself with the reality: I was brainwashed.
When I first realized I no longer believe in god, I was so scared. I kept praying after ignoring his existence, five times a day. I was thinking, maybe he'd forgive me if I was wrong. I was finally able to let go, after two months of emotional torture. It's a scary feeling to let go of the beliefs you've kept holding to for more than 20 years.
I'm sure most religious people, especially those who's been raised by religious parents or in a religious community, didn't question their beliefs either. As the most fundamental questions are usually asked during childhood, and they're answered with some nonsense that is taken for granted later on. I just hope we realize that we are all human beings, coming from the same source, sharing the same resources, and that religion is destroying humanity, by ingraining hate into our minds. I've hurt my sister once because of this. I apologize to her, and I apologize for any hate I've kept during the past towards Jews, Shiaa-mulsims and any other human being.
I decided to publish my story hoping that it would open the mind of someone, someday.
[1]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZtpDODjK44
