The Last Movie You Watched

[Fake Messiah]

I tried watching the notorious turkey "Endless Love" (1981) with Brooke Shields and I must say that has some of the most f-ed up scenes ever. The movie is about the teenage love between Brooke Shields and her boyfriend, and right from the beginning, they are having sex in her parent's house while everyone is at home and they are doing it in the living room. The sex scene is very stupid but it goes on and on, and we actually have her mom lying in her bed and being bored so she decides to go to the living room and watch them having sex. And it is shot like it is perfectly normal for a woman to watch her daughter fuck as this stupid movie music goes on and her mom is enjoying watching them.

[Angrboda]

Little Nicky.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I watched about 20 minutes of "Fantastic Planet". Not fantastic anymore.

[Gwaithmir]

[Fake Messiah]

Shadowlands (1993)- ok, I watched that movie back in the 90s but back then I didn't know what a Christian hero CS Lewis was, so the most interesting thing about this movie is how much Lewis is battling with his Christianity. At the beginning of the movie, and almost throughout it, he is holding these lectures about why God lets us suffer which all comes as a threshing of empty straw, but by the end of the movie, Lewis seems to become aware of it, that his theology is a delusion, that his last words in the movie are pretty much a statement that he doesn't know if he believes in what he is preaching.

So I went to IMDB to see if Christians are aware of this, and there seem to be lots of complaints about that.

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project: I Spit on Your Grave: Deja Vu. I've seen the original, and it's honestly, one of the greatest horror movies I've ever watch. Even if the portrayal of Matthew was questionable and I'm not sure the rape scene necessarily needed to be 20 minutes long, at least it led to a cathartic finale. And 40 years later, the original cast and crew went back and made a shitty sequel.

• Well, at least they gave you a recap of the first half of the first movie in the first minute. And a recap of the second half via a radio interview.
  
• Don't you just love it when a mother and daughter look fuck-all like one another?
  
• Is it just me or does Jennifer Hills seem to be surprisingly okay with her daughter being treated like an object for someone who built her entire career from an act of revenge against that exact thing? 
  
• Jesus died on the cross by having his dick cut off? 
  
• Well, technically she's a spree killer, not a mass murderer.
  
• Wait a minute, she had a jury from New York City to try her for murder? The murder took place in Kent, Connecticut. And come to think of it, why the fuck did they sound like Southern hicks if they were from Connecticut?
  

• It's useless to ask why, Herman. You'd think it'd still be in the book.
  
• So, their plan for revenge is making her dig her own grave, then mutilating her, and then lynching her? Also, you know she's able to kill four people. Maybe you shouldn't give her a shovel she can use to retaliate against you. And why doesn't she just shoot them? One of them might be as tough as they're building up, but all of them?
  
• You're playing Tom and Jerry games with her? You do know that Tom's never the one who comes out on top, right?
  
• All that buildup for a fucking Wizard of Oz reference?
  
• Why the fuck is someone this senile still driving a truck?
  
• What do you know, 47 minutes in and 40 minutes later and we finally get a justification for the title.
  
• And Jennifer Hills got decapitated with very little fanfare.
  
• And do we really have to spend all that time on Johnny's wife screaming in victory after killing Jennifer? Seriously? Is this why it's 46 minutes longer than the original?
  
• And come to think of it? Why are these relatives of the original rapists so young? It's been 40 years, was he dating a middle-schooler? Did Matthew's dad undergo precocious puberty and knocked up some girl when he was a kid?
  
• And why the fuck are they re-enacting the rape from the original on her daughter, complete with Matthew's dad acting like an idiot and with one of the other rapists claiming he did it all for him?
  
• And Jesus... they're acting like she's a product of the rape from the original. There's no way she's old enough for that.
  
• Fuck, these hicks have an incel's ability to avoid responsibility for their own failures.
  
• And how the fuck is her rape blasphemous?
  
• So, is Christy going to find a phone to call the cops over what happened to her? Nope.  She's just going to eat the guy's food, drink his milk directly from the jug, and sit in his rocking chair until the owner comes home. Fortunately, it's Matthew's Dad and she just sits there so he can get his rifle.
  
• That sickle just looks like a weird stabbing weapon. 
  
• You can hear another family member moaning from a certain distance, but not a gunshot from that exact same distance?
  
• You know, it's good that these people are dying left and right. And it's not even because of their plan to kill Jennifer and rape her daughter. They're just that insufferable and annoying.
  
• This movie is like a thick diaper: it's extremely padded and filled with shit.
  
• Fuck, they're really going with the "Christy was a child of the rape from the first movie" thing, aren't they? She's 30 at the oldest, and yet it's actually 40 years later.
  
• Are they going to kill Christy or just let her keep monologuing?
  
  
  Just to be clear, this is only aimed at the hicks and not Christy.
• Why are they repeating the last few words of every sentence of that sermon? And how is he so engrossed in it that he can't even hear someone being loudly killed just a few feet behind him?
  
• Wow. What obvious symbolism, having Christy take the cross from the church and carry it for a few feet and then just walking off on her own.
  
• There's four minutes left. Why are they devoting this much time to these kids looking for Grandma?
  

Next two weeks: Star Games and Hoodwinked Too: Hood vs. Evil. And thank Jah they're both an hour shorter than this piece of shit.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Little Nicky.

Did you lose a bet or something?

Boru

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Little Nicky.

Did you lose a bet or something?

Boru

He must be pewnished.

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project: Hoodwinked Too: Hood vs. Evil. I've seen the original, and it's one of those movies that you can never tell is just mediocre or So Bad It's Good. I suppose it's interesting to have the wolf be an undercover reporter, but once you find that out, the true villain's identity becomes obvious. The graphics look like dogshit, but at least it has some insane shit like this:



And, amazingly, this actually comes back into play later in the film. Kind of.

It's still the better sequel And eventually, they made a sequel. And since it's in the Deep Hurting Project, you can probably guess what it's going to be like.

• I swear I've seen the font on the book cover somewhere before. Probably some blaxploitation poster.
  
• Did Hansel and Gretel even need the Happily Ever After Agency to help them? If I recall, didn't Gretel trick the witch into cooking herself so she could save Hansel?
  
• Chicken tastes just like children? Are you sure you're not thinking about veal?
  
• Did they consider replacing Patrick Warburton with Henry Winkler and renege at the last minute? That's the only way all those random Happy Days references make sense.
  
• Huh. Japeth can tell the future.
  
• Beavers sound like pigs and cats?
  
• The troll is a black drag queen. I would have never guessed.
  
• You'd think Red would have put the basket closer to the middle of the bridge so it doesn't fall into the abyss.
  
• Why would anyone want to kidnap your Granny? Red, did you even remember the plot of the last movie? Or did changing the voice actress make Red lose her memory?
  
• Of course the secret recipe guarded under a dozen levels of security somehow got stolen under everyone's nose. Of course it did.
  
  
  
• Seriously, Joan Cusack? That's the performance you're going to use here? The one that makes your turn in Mr. Wrong seem positively Oscar-worthy?
  
• The Giant is "a smuggler, a juggler, a robber, a cobbler, a picker, a grinner, a restauranteur, and blogs about animated films?" Replace "Restauranteur" with "Pedophile", and you'd get an easy John K joke. 
  
• Actually, now that we see the Giant, it's probably more a propos to compare him to Harvey Weinstein. Seriously, this is the third Weinstein Company animated film I've watched for the project, and they've all reminded me that Harvey was a monster. And, surprisingly, this is the only one he actually had a hand in.
  
• She used a spatula to unlock the door? I swear, this makes the time Totally Spies used a can opener to unlock a door seem positively plausible.
  
• Wait? Hansel and Gretel are the criminal masterminds now?  I know that they telegraphed the secret villain in the first one, but there has to be some way to balance the legitimately surprising and too obvious.
  
• So, the recipe was missing for 60 years? Nobody fucking checked in all that time?
  
• The Three Little Pigs being voiced by Cheech and Chong reminds me that their animated film is also eligible for the Project, and the only reason I haven't watched it yet is because it's not on streaming.
  
• Huh. I did not expect to hear Schlager in an American movie.
  
• Hansel and Gretel are giant Time Lords now. Why the fuck not?
  
• And we close on a funky love song dedicated to a squirrel. Did anyone in the Zoosadism leaks talk about fucking squirrels?
  

Next week, provisionally, Star Games

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Gardenias of the Galaxy. Or something like that anyway.