The Last Movie You Watched

[Gwaithmir]

The Hound of the Baskervilles starring Jeremy Brett as Sherlock Holmes. 

[Gawdzilla Sama]

"Attack of the Crab Monsters." Mamie van Doren wearing a momsen lung. Maybe two of them.

[Foxaèr]

Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance With Somebody

A joyous, emotional, heartbreaking celebration of the life and music of Whitney Houston, one of the greatest female R&B pop vocalists of all time, tracking her journey from obscurity to musical super stardom.

Let's see how this actress' voice compares to Whitney.

[Orbit]

Cecil B. DeMille's "Cleopatra"

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project, Homeward, or as Tubi calls it, Elf Quest, the Asylum's ripoff of Pixar's Onward.

• Sharp Tooth? I think you're referencing the wrong movie there.
  
• This had either better be a dream or they had better have a good reason why they're going into battle with a potted plant on their head.
  
• And of course, they're using the name Hermey for this elf. Of course.
  
• Is there a reason they're making this into a story about fantastic racism?
  
• The leading lady looks like a pointy-eared version of Mavis from Hotel Transylvania and has a name that sounds exactly like a famous rap producer. I know (because I keep subtitles on by default) it's technically spelled Forelle (which is German for "Trout"), but calling her Pharrell would be funnier.
  
• Huh, evidently Tom Green's moonlighting as Dr. Todd Grande. I hope the money he earned for this film went into paying for a re-release of Freddy Got Fingered.
  
• IS there a reason Barl can't just grab onto the barrel of waste while the principal's bouncing around?
  
• So, is there a reason that having a jackass brother will keep Lloyd from getting into a good college?
  
• New Orc City? That sounds like a low-effort pun. They don't even stop saying "New York City" sometimes.
  
• And in this world of fantasy creatures, why the fuck are there French lizards frogs?
  
• Cars that go by leaping into the air and landing miles away? That can't be safe. Either for the car or whatever it lands on. And seeing it in action just makes it all the more fucked.
  
• Sleep Dessert? 
  
• Orc discount? I guess a lot of people are going to take it in New Orc City.
  
• And how did he not think of getting his wallet when he tried to play for that milkshake.
  
• Okay, now they've established that only elves are able to do magic, but now Barl can just use it?
  
• Our hero, abandoning his brother for personal reasons and just randomly decides to go against it?
  
• Nope, I haven't seen him. Well, I might have, since everyone shares the same ripoff of Wreck-It Ralph model.
  
• So, their penalty is making his parents adopt two adults?
  
• How does he not understand the ramifications of a phrase like "Orc Domination?"
  
• And the frogs are back again.
  
• Now we've gone from Bright to Booksmart? The latter of which is also on Tubi. 
  
• I've been holding back on this, but the fact that the old lady mistook Lloyd for a woman reminds me of how much his model looks like Dylan Mulvaney. At least that model looks feminine enough.
  
• That slime barrel was still in the rafters after all this time?
  
• New Orc of Elfdale School? That really rolls off the tongue.
  

Next week, I'm thinking [i]Creepozoids[i].

Next week

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project: Creepozoids. It's one of the first films by David DeCoteau, and evidently one of his worst. It's a ripoff of Aliens that's half the length of the original. And it still feels longer.

• People eking out a miserable existence in city ruins after a nuclear exachange devastates the planet. Somehow, this might make it one of the more realistic post-apocalyptic films.
  
• Huh. They've been together for years and they don't know shit about his bursitis. Or how it's sensitive to the acid rain mentioned in the opening.
  
• Also, what was the opening doing in this movie? It was just a woman putting stuff away in a lab before she got menaced by something from a Hartnell-era Dr. Who episode.
  
• Crap, it's just going to be one of those movies where everybody just dicks around for over an hour, isn't it?
  
• At least the music's pretty cool.
  
  
  And apparently, he did the music for a bunch of Nickoons, most notably Fairly Oddparents.
• And these two people are apparently fucking now. Why not?
  
• New LA?
  
• Goddammit, why keep showing us these diary entries if they're not even going to be on the screen long enough to read them?
  
• So the guy got killed by having the alien poke his finger down his throat?
  
• Let's shag it? That's a very strange euphemism for "Get a Move on," Bruce.
  
• And looking up more of Guy Moon's score, which might be the first time I've watched a film for the Project whose score I liked enough to potentially listen to on its own, I found out that, unfortunately, it seems to only be available as a Record Store Day 2019 limited edition with less than 1000 copies between three colours of vinyl [orange, translucent green, and peppermint swirl].
  
• I've had characters in stories I've wrote randomly start spitting up blood, but even then it was less random there than in this movie.
  
• He hasn't been gone that long, it just feels like it's been that long. Don't you love it when a movie practically reviews itself ?
  
• Rodents of unusual size? I've included them in stories as well. Mine didn't really attack people, just took cocaine. 
  
• Can I ask why this woman's so obsessed with the mouse's protein count?
  
• Don't worry about getting executed for desertion, guys. America's done that exactly once since the Civil War.
  
• I can only assume that they're only shooting the creatures with low light because they'd look too silly if we actually got a good look at them.
  
• Okay, so that guy's spitting out motor oil. Why not? 
  
• And now there's a baby alien with a human face. Why not? Seriously, it's like he wanted to make Eraserhead, but the studio insisted they just make it an Aliens ripoff.
  

[Gawdzilla Sama]

John Wick 4. Rather more violent than the previous ones.

[Foxaèr]

A Man Called Otto

Otto is a grump who's given up on life following the loss of his wife and wants to end it all. When a young family moves in nearby, he meets his match in quick-witted Marisol, leading to a friendship that will turn his world around.

Tom Hanks is getting older, so these last few movies of his distinguished career better be awesome.

Okay, he's only sixty-six, but still.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Okay, he's only sixty-six, but still.

Just a kid.

[Foxaèr]

A Man Called Otto

Otto is a grump who's given up on life following the loss of his wife and wants to end it all. When a young family moves in nearby, he meets his match in quick-witted Marisol, leading to a friendship that will turn his world around.

Tom Hanks is getting older, so these last few movies of his distinguished career better be awesome.

Okay, he's only sixty-six, but still.

The movie made me laugh and cry.