Teaching Reason (to Children)

[Bad Writer]

One of my more recent (and more-or-less ongoing) conversations with my spouse is how to raise my daughter and any future children we have. We agree on a number of things, such as education, morality, family values, discipline, and much more.

Still, there are some things that we don't always see eye-to-eye on. My wife is agnostic, leaning more towards spiritualism, whilst I am pretty much a full atheism, unable to fathom the idea that there is a supernatural anything. (What can I say? I'm a sucker for the laws of physics.)

One of my fears is that any one of my children might decide to have a belief in a higher power. I understand that this could be inevitable, considering that the rest of our family and friends are more or less religious (we have a number of Mormons and Roman Catholics to boot). All I care is that he or she grows up with an understanding of reason and that it's important to strive for truth, as well as knowing when to say, "I don't know enough, and that's okay for now".

My wife agrees with that to a point, but she's worried that I may force-feed atheism down my children's throats. This worry is not unwarranted, as I have a knack for being outspoken about my unbelief. The other worry is that my children might rebel against my determinations the same way a child would rebel against a parent's religious beliefs.

Does anyone have any insight on how to lead a child to deciding on his or her own about how to keep an open mind and use reason in answering these hard questions? I see more articles/writings/blogs out there concerned with keeping children in the faith while maintaining an atmosphere of love, as opposed to keeping children out of faith.

Also, one thing my spouse suggested was to have our children attend other churches at some point when they're searching. Well, I'm sure some of you can imagine the big red flag that went up in my head as I heard this. How do I keep this from happening too, or should I not worry about this so much?

[Bad Wolf]

I would recommend teaching your children about many religions and asking them what they think about them? Whether they make sense? Whether they think a particular religion is right or wrong. Then challenge them on their beliefs if they are irrational or illogical and encourage rational thought. Critical thinking can be taught from a young age and I believe it is the main contributing factor to whether someone becomes religious or not.
Yea so just teach them about all the different religions and question them on what they think. Teach them about reliability, accuracy and validity (if you think they are old enough to understand such concepts)

[Kayenneh]

I have no children of my own, but my eldest nephew has unfortunately gotten caught in his grandmother's (who's an avid Protestant) web of religion and he's most definitely christian at the moment. I am not too concerned though, he's really bright and loves nature documentaries and he asks a lot of questions, so though the topic of religion itself has not been on his mind, I expect that in the near future we will talk about it. No matter what religion (or lack thereof) he chooses, he'll always be my wonderful mr. Red that I love and adore. And he could have worse role models than his granny, despite her silly superstitions, she's a really nice, generous and patient woman.

[thesummerqueen]

Does anyone have any insight on how to lead a child to deciding on his or her own about how to keep an open mind and use reason in answering these hard questions? I see more articles/writings/blogs out there concerned with keeping children in the faith while maintaining an atmosphere of love, as opposed to keeping children out of faith.

I can only tell you what my parents did, which was without the intention of producing an atheist but resulted in such nonetheless:

Give them books. Give them good kids' magazines on history and science. Encourage and foster a love of reading. Shower them with as many science books and history books as they ask for. Make that the one thing you will give them (e-books or otherwise) without reserve. If you send them to their room when they're bad, take away their toys, but don't take away their books - that's how I would get through groundings. If they're bored, make them read.

The more they read, and the more they're exposed to, the more they will realize how different cultures think and how much science HAS answered (rather than letting someone inject God into their life). At worst it will produce a liberal religious person. At best, an atheist.

I was FASCINATED by dinosaurs as a kid, and I don't know anyone that wasn't. My parents showered me with books on them. Then I became obsessed with rainforests, and they showered me with books and magazines on that and recycling. They did the same to my brother about engineering and trains. Anything your kids have an interest in, say "here's a book about it! We can talk about it too!" And incorporate them around the movies they like. Furthering the rainforest theme, I LOVED "Ferngully". So mum bought me books and magazines about rainforest animals, and I became a huge nerd about all the flora and fauna in a rainforest (aided by the computer game "The Amazon Trail" which forced you to learn about those things too).

They gave me books about greek and norse myths. They gave me books about the origins of life. There wasn't room for Judaism. I dabbled in Wicca for a while, but even that lost its luster against science.

Kindles are great for this, especially the new ones, because you could load them with as many books as you like with access to accompanying dictionaries and wikipedia for further reference. Plus the new color ones make it easy to install picture-bearing books.

Reading is truly the best gift - it will broaden their minds, expand their vocabulary, help discipline them for school, and teach them great ways to "wait" (in line, at home, etc).

[Stan]

Well pretty much since you guys ain't theists or religious, your kid's gonna turn up ok as long as he's not tought religious crap and indoctrinated by teachers at school. But even then, you just have to point out the flaws and direct em to logic and they ll just forget all about religion bullshit without a second thought, since to their eyes, you are their "gods".

My parents waited until i turned up 18 to seriously discuss their atheism with me. You may not want to push it too much as it can backfire in adolescence. Teenage rebellion etc.

About the last bit you said... you may want to discuss this with your spouce and avoid if possible.

[Bad Writer]

...to their eyes, you are their "gods".

My parents waited until i turned up 18 to seriously discuss their atheism with me. You may not want to push it too much as it can backfire in adolescence. Teenage rebellion etc.

Haha, very true. I always figured that I wouldn't just tell my kids, "I'm an atheist, so you need to be too." Besides, I got plenty of indoctrination when I was a kid and knew enough then to know that I didn't like the way my parents went about it, e.g. I would get grounded if I decided to skip out on Church. hock:

Teenage rebellion played a small role in my becoming an Atheist, though I had to serve a Mormon mission first before I could become completely free of my family's traditions. If my daughter or son ever asks, "Daddy, what do you believe?" I'll tell them straight up that I don't believe in any god, and then I'll ask them in return what they believe and see what that results in...my only concern is that they'll take my non-belief as their answer that they shouldn't believe either.

---

Give them books. Give them good kids' magazines on history and science. Encourage and foster a love of reading. Shower them with as many science books and history books as they ask for. Make that the one thing you will give them (e-books or otherwise) without reserve. If you send them to their room when they're bad, take away their toys, but don't take away their books - that's how I would get through groundings. If they're bored, make them read.

...

Reading is truly the best gift - it will broaden their minds, expand their vocabulary, help discipline them for school, and teach them great ways to "wait" (in line, at home, etc).

I was already reading full novels when I was in 2nd grade, and it greatly influenced how I looked at the world. I've always figured this to be a surefire route to getting my child to think outside the box, as it worked with me (and obviously with you).

Speaking of broadening vocabulary, this has been a huge stumbling block for my daughter, as my ex doesn't really read to her at home, but instead gives her an iPad to play on all day long. No learning games really: just a bunch of silly apps to help my daughter pass the time and leave mommy alone. I'm more worried about her than I am about any future children I may have with my current wife. I do my best to read to her over Skype, but her attention span is so limited at four, and since her vocabulary is also small, she can't fully express to me everything she wants to say.

[FallentoReason]

Speaking from my own upbringing, I'm eternally grateful for my parents' approach to teaching me how to think. They're non-practising Catholics and they made me go through the motions (baptism, first communion, confirmation) but after that point, they saw their job done. Now, you might think this is the *worst* upbringing, but the catch is that to this day they tell me that I have the right to make up my own mind - that I need to decide for myself despite what they made me go through and what anyone else says. Such is their emphasis on wanting me to seek truth for myself that when I deconverted, I asked my dad what his thoughts were (seeing as though their wishes were most likely for me to stay Catholic) and he just looked at me... and said "I can't answer that. It's *your* choice what you decide to believe". As his son, I desperately wanted to know how my decision to leave the faith impacted him, but he refused to answer and kept telling me he can't make me believe or not believe - it's my choice. All he did say, though, was that he (and my mum) were proud to see me make my own decisions and not let anyone else decide for me.

[thesummerqueen]

I was already reading full novels when I was in 2nd grade, and it greatly influenced how I looked at the world. I've always figured this to be a surefire route to getting my child to think outside the box, as it worked with me (and obviously with you).

Speaking of broadening vocabulary, this has been a huge stumbling block for my daughter, as my ex doesn't really read to her at home, but instead gives her an iPad to play on all day long. No learning games really: just a bunch of silly apps to help my daughter pass the time and leave mommy alone. I'm more worried about her than I am about any future children I may have with my current wife. I do my best to read to her over Skype, but her attention span is so limited at four, and since her vocabulary is also small, she can't fully express to me everything she wants to say.

All three of us could read before we were in Kindergarden.

I'm not sure about your relationship with your ex, but if it's good enough to suggest something, maybe some vocabulary games? Both parents have to be on board during formative years in order to ingrain the love of reading, so I would suggest talking to her about it (as reading is another way to get kids to "leave you alone") and asking her to really push this, citing all the later benefits it would entail.

I wouldn't worry too much about the fact that she doesn't have the vocabulary YET, because that can be improved. My sister suffered from horrible ear infections and couldn't express herself or speak very well when she was a child, but completely recovered with speech therapy, and with books. She even taught my brother to read when she was only 9.

And you know why he learned to read? Baseball. He LOVED baseball. He wanted to be able to read the sports page. Go figure.

There's always an "in" - find it, and get your ex and your wife on board, and you'll never regret it.

[Something completely different]

My mother is a scientist, so I grew up in a household in which fairytales weren`t that common.
But I would emplore you to not treat your kid like if it were your science project which you want to train into only fullfilling your expectations whilest ignoring what the kid wants.
That`s what I had and it sucks.

[Faith No More]

Don't forget to lay upon them the importance of the scientific method and providing evidence for claims.

I was like summer and was accidentally raised atheist. My dad's a scientist and was always telling me about how people will make silly claims like talking to the dead, and he made sure to point out that we only understand something to be true if it can be verified. Plus, they took my sister and I to lots of children's museums and such where science is the main focus. I turned that critical eye towards the religion I was being raised in, and the rest was history. It probably also helped that they didn't talk about religion whatsoever or indoctrinate me into it. They just took me to church.

My son is just getting to that age where I can converse with him, and I plan on presenting him with some thought exercises about evidence and the burden of proof. I will never, ever tell my son that a god doesn't exist or that he can't believe in him. I only wish to give him the tools to reason properly and make his own decisions.