What's everyone up to right now?

[Clueless Morgan]

If you can try to stop future tripping. Sometimes it's enough that you have today. This does not mean that you don't need to constructively think about the future, just don't live there.

JFC, how fucking 12 stepper is that?

Future tripping is an apt description. Every time I think about the future I cry so I'm going to have to figure out how to chill the fuck out and live day by day which is so not me.

I'm a planner and I want to think weeks or months or years in the future in order to get used to things before they happen. I like predictability and stability and for me that comes from thinking about the future. But not anymore.

Now thinking about the future makes me anxious and nauseated and weepy.

Hopefully going back to work well help with the stability thing and the keeping busy part but I have a week and a half before I go back.

[Catholic_Lady]

I am so sorry you are going through this, CM. I can relate, btw, to being a long term thinker type person. "Live in the moment" doesn't really work for me... I need to plan, to predict, to expect, etc.

Did the doc give you any sort of percent chance of reoccurance?

[KittyAnn]

I'm so sorry CM that you have to go through this ...if only I could change places with you ...I know, i know I'm sure you think ... she doesn't know what she's talking about..maybe, but I've already lived through something.. but you're young, beautiful and smart ... so you should be happy and don't worry about the future, meh...life
Lots of hugs

[Clueless Morgan]

I am so sorry you are going through this, CM. I can relate, btw, to being a long term thinker type person. "Live in the moment" doesn't really work for me... I need to plan, to predict, to expect, etc.

Did the doc give you any sort of percent chance of reoccurance?

That's the other thing that freaked me out. My doctor have me a roughly 10% chance of recurrence after taking all the aftercare meds and doing radiation and all the things I would have to do to reduce recurrence, bringing it down from 25%!!!!! I thought I was starting with a 10% chance of recurrence and going down from there.

I know 10% is really good - it's a 90% chance of living years and years without anything to worry about but I tested negative for every cancer causing gene and still got cancer so why wouldn't I get poked with the shit sick again and be the one that has a recurrence? Someone has to be that statistic, why wouldn't it be me?

^^-- exactly what I shouldn't be thinking about but I can't help it.

---

What am I doing right now? Watching The Fugitive.

[KevinM1]

I’ll echo the one day at a time mantra.  I’ve never had cancer, so I can’t know that fear, but I have done the surgery -> rehab -> oh, goody, more surgery dance a lot in my life.  The only way I mentally survived it was to focus on the next thing and nothing else.  Because looking at the whole can be paralyzing through how daunting it can be.

That said, I also think that you should recognize that your concerns are valid, in terms of “what will I do in the future in the case where my life gets up ended again?”  These are issues you’ll need to figure out.  But, objectively, you won’t be able to properly address them until you’re further along with your recovery.  So, if you need any motivation to focus on more immediate concerns, there you go.  Do your best to ace your recovery.

Finally, I don’t know you know you (you know? ), but all the evidence on this forum points to you being a pretty amazing person.  In the midst of everything else, try to remember this.  No matter what happens, I have no doubt you’ll be able to face it and kick it’s ass.

You got this.

[Catholic_Lady]

CM, when will all the treatment be over?

[Jackalope]

@CM

I don't have cancer, I cannot possibly know what that feels like. However, I do have a lot of experience with facing some very scary medical unknowns.

One day at a time. Live your life. Do what you need to do to prevent reoccurrence, but try to not live in fear of it.

[pocaracas]

My anxiety is in the realm of right now being convinced I'm going to have a recurrence and when that will happen. My mom is my primary caregiver and she's not going to be around forever... My dad has been talking about how much longer he'll be around (He's turning 67 next week)... I'm not married nor in a relationship... My best friend has a number of medical problems herself... My sisters both live far away... So if something does happen who would I rely on?

I'm pretty sure your best friend isn't your only friend.

[Angrboda]

Watching the replay of the Falcons / Rams game because I fell asleep at half-time last night. I'd been doing my best to avoid learning who won the game when the ticker at the bottom of the screen on the NFL network went and ruined the surprise. Oh bother!

[Longhorn]

Messing around on reddit. Pretty fun