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Sitting on my bed with my back to the dresser, I turned around, and the antichrist had deftly removed all of my underwear from the top drawer and deposited it on the ground. Every last stitch. Now, she's sleeping soundly and soullessly on my hats.
My normal Friday girls' night is cancelled because of the holiday. My best friend texted me earlier to tell me that, tonight, we're going to church*. I took a nap, and got all ready to go, let him know I was ready, and the fucker flaked on me! So now, it's pizza and beer on a cold night... well, cold by San Diego standards.
*"Church" is what we call the Purple Church, which is the unofficial name of the Main Attraction, a gentleman's club of, what I can only assume, pretty low standards. The strippers have to put their clothes back on, on stage, after they're done taking them off. That's more demeaning than taking them off in the first place, IMO. I can't say I spend a lot of time at strip clubs, but it's fun every once in a while to drink beer while staring at tits and shooting pool.
Being an adult. Sometimes as such I find myself going through temporary hardship by choice knowing it will lead me to a greater good. I choose to do this for a while waiting with a variety of emotions for the answers this will bring in late January. This is it. It might be a surprise, or it might come as expected. Either way it will all finally be definite and that is all the relief I seek. I choose to be a grown up and contribute to this experiment by being transparent and fair. So, I must be nice. I must try to use my reason instead of my temper. I must not bring up the past. I must think clearly. If it fails, at least I will know I really did try and my integrity will be intact. Then if anybody dares say still that I did not try hard enough, it won't send me on a guilt trip.
On the other hand, I am happy with a conversation I just had with my son. He had been acting rude to me due to his pain related to the whole transition the family is going through. He was acting in ways he never did before. His teacher even threatened to hold him back a year due to his lack of effort. He was telling me he hates me. This never happened before. Today I had a talk with him. I explained the process of decision making, responsibility, respect, love from a parent, and the future. We discussed the future together for a while. We talked about memories. I kept telling him how much we love him. I explained that whatever happens it will be based on a process of responsible decision making and future reflexion. I reminded him of his manners and our relationship issues lately. Then we just sat there holding hands and looking at the ceiling. All of a sudden he stood up and hugged me so strong it made me laugh like crazy. He told me he loves me. He said, "Te amo mas que a mi vida." I love you more than my life. I tell him that. I guess he does listen.
My English needs work and I am on my phone. Spell check is not working. Sorry for any mistakes.
I adore the prolific unabashedness within your posts. You are a force for truth, "Damn the torpedoes!" It's people like you who will revolt religion.
November 30, 2013 at 4:59 am (This post was last modified: November 30, 2013 at 5:01 am by Angrboda.)
Having trouble sleeping. Tossing and turning and full of energy. I'll take another 4 mg of perphenazine, but I don't want to take more because I want to be wide awake for play time with the Dachshunds tomorrow. During Black Friday, talking with my sisters, who are twins, we learned a very fundamental difference between them and myself that we didn't know before. They both, typically, run a body temperature that is 1/2 to a full degree below the normal of 98.6 F. Thus, unless dressed for it, they are prone to being cold in circumstances where other people are not. I, myself, as a consequence of having spent a lot of time in the hospital and a nursing home have a fairly good record of my average body temperature. I typically run 99.3 to 99.7 F, usually more towards 99.7. So I am constantly warm or hot where other people are not, including in my apartment. Given the alcohol and caffeine I've had today, and how quickly my body has metabolized both, as well as the overall feeling of just having a bunch of energy in me with no place to go, it wouldn't surprise me if my current body temp were over 100 F. We'll see if the perphenazine bump will help, but I'm feeling much too much energy inside.
(ETA: From about the age 12 to 16 or so, I lived in an unheated basement. I think that had consequences for both the way my body manages temperature, as well as mood symptoms resulting from unusual brain development during those years.)
Having trouble sleeping. Tossing and turning and full of energy. I'll take another 4 mg of perphenazine, but I don't want to take more because I want to be wide awake for play time with the Dachshunds tomorrow. During Black Friday, talking with my sisters, who are twins, we learned a very fundamental difference between them and myself that we didn't know before. They both, typically, run a body temperature that is 1/2 to a full degree below the normal of 98.6 F. Thus, unless dressed for it, they are prone to being cold in circumstances where other people are not. I, myself, as a consequence of having spent a lot of time in the hospital and a nursing home have a fairly good record of my average body temperature. I typically run 99.3 to 99.7 F, usually more towards 99.7. So I am constantly warm or hot where other people are not, including in my apartment. Given the alcohol and caffeine I've had today, and how quickly my body has metabolized both, as well as the overall feeling of just having a bunch of energy in me with no place to go, it wouldn't surprise me if my current body temp were over 100 F. We'll see if the perphenazine bump will help, but I'm feeling much too much energy inside.
(ETA: From about the age 12 to 16 or so, I lived in an unheated basement. I think that had consequences for both the way my body manages temperature, as well as mood symptoms resulting from unusual brain development during those years.)
That sucks. I sometimes find it helps if I go through the alphabet naming things from a specific categories (like names, cities, countries or fruits, etc.) for each letter.