My story

[Searching4truth]

OP, you deconverted because God did not heal the woman in your church from cancer? But did it occur to you that maybe in dying she went to heaven where she would no longer be sick?

That was the pinnacle of the initial occurrence that caused me to realize faith in these fairy tales were in vain. Did you read my whole post, Christian?

[Zazzy]

OP-

Could you talk more about your feelings about your deconversion? Was it scary as it was happening? Did you fight it? Did it feel like a relief? Did you personal ties to family/friends who are still religious hold you back from it? I'm just still intensely interested in what it feels like to lose your worldview.

[Searching4truth]

good questions. It was an emotional roller coaster. I was so scared of death due to the revelation that I had
come to realize that I would panic.
I fought it for two years HARD. I figured it was the ' enemy' trying to confound my thinking. I clung on to the passage that says ' he who endures to the end will be saved.' So I fought and studied and prayed for two years until my ears bled and I couldn't shake the intense doubt. Most of my family still doesn't know and the ones that do know because they asked and I refused to hide my beliefs. they are devout Catholics. I had to re learn how to live life without someone (god) watching out for me, how to accept that I'll never see my dad or my step dad or other family members that had passed again. I went through a grieving process for the ignorance I lived in and desired at first to have that ignorance again. I envied those still living blindly. so I finally came to accept this unique gift of life being what's before me now. It became more precious and I wanted to learn as much as I can. I began to care about all people the same- no matter their beliefs( unless they are like some of the theists on here) or sexual orientation. I felt renewed and invigorated. I feel so free now. I can explain my initial reaction to this liberation as if I was living in my home town for years and suddenly whisked away to a foreign country- unaware of how to live according to my surroundings. now, I'm good to go and constantly developing as an individual. I relate to so many people and am more open minded than ever. I love my life and I don't take any minute for granted, even my bad days. I feel better that I behave morally without the feelings of reward or punishment in the after life. It made me who I am today and I don't regret a second of it. Now I pity those who are in that ignorance but realize that some people need it probably. just don't like when they try to make me understand that this is a phase or a rebellion or my favorite- ' you know there is a god, stop denying it' lol!