Atheist Dad Seeking Answers

[Ben Davis]

Something has recently happened, and has occurred before, that makes me think otherwise. My older one has been boasting about material possessions to a younger and (perceived by him) as a less well off child.
Given that this has happened more than once and is not in any way how Mrs M. or I lead our lives, living solely by example is not working.

Welcome Mxwll, atheist dad of 1 here. A few thoughts spring to mind with this challenge but I'll admit, before I start, that I've not faced it myself.

It could be that there's some lessons of empathy or sympathy to be reinforced. Use this situation as an opportunity to get your eldest to practice putting themselves in the other kid's shoes. It could be that the knowledge of how to act is in your son's head but trapped there through a lack of use. I know that my boy has trouble learning lessons until he gets to put them in to practice and intellectual lessons are often the most difficult to roleplay. Have you tried expanding his horizons as to people's access to resources; showing him about the why's & wherefore's of poverty and financial class distinction?

Another possibility is that your eldest is trying to assert social dominance using age & access to resources as the alpha criteria. This type of competition is common but bellittling others can be a slippery slope towards dehumanisation & bullying. Like most parents, you probably encourage criteria such as kindness, being a team player, intellectual honesty and the like as better criteria for increasing your kids' social status but in practice, often it's easier to disclude based on differences rather than include based on shared goals. Maybe showing him how to achieve a better social dynamic or highlighting the social suicide of bullies might work?

If you think that he's of an age where he's starting to question your influence (as is typical of young adolescents) and consequently rejecting your lessons, have you tried using other role models as exemplars?

[Mister Agenda]

Welcome, Mxwll! I'm not a parent, but I have atheist friends who are. As someone else said, there's no manual, but there IS this:

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Freethinke...0814410960

[Fruity]

I want to draw him into thinking along more abstract lines of reason and into the large picture of humanity as a whole. Maybe he is too young for this as of yet, I don't know, but I feel I need to start somewhere, and I certainly do not expect his school to do it for me.

My oldest is 7. I don't remember who it was on these forums that said that children cannot reason. This person was wrong. My son is not too young to use his reasoning. What I do is that I am helping him practice his critical thinking skills by thinking outside the box. I squeeze in time for conversations every chance I get in the car on our way to school, before bed laying together, during dinner, while we cook together, etc. He knows he can let his mind wander off to find possibilities for and about everything, but to reach a conclusion he needs to have a good reason. I don't have to agree with it, but it must be a reason. This is a big thing at home. Sometimes, as he shares his thoughts and allows himself to take different thinking routes only to reach his theory about something, he tells me, "I know, I know. What is my reason?" I push it. I always counter his claims. Unless it goes along the lines of, "Mom, you're the best mom ever, because without you I would not have existed!" No arguing with that!

Anyway, he's only seven. To challenge them is not a bad thing. It's preparing them for success in the real world. It's never too early for this.

[Minimalist]

My two are in their 30's and religion and or silly gods have no place in their lives. We did not do anything special except try to set an example.
Certain holidays were useful because they did wonder what all the fuss was about xmas/easter and various jewish holidays. It was a useful opportunity to explain about many of the pagan attributes of xtianity and such. So you don't have to say much but answer their questions honestly and rationally.

"Son. There are stupid people in the world who think x, y and z. There is no evidence that x, y, or z ever happened," and encourage follow-up questions.

Welcome.

[Zazzy]

My parents are atheists. They were pretty big on the "you only have this one life, and so does everybody else" thing, so I was raised with a pretty healthy respect for not messing up other people's one shot here on Earth. I still think of this as the base of my moral code.

[freedomfromforum]

My children became atheists before I did. I'll never forget, as a Christian father, the day my 15 year old son came to me and said that he had lost his "Notion of faith". I was so thick-headed in my Christian mindset at that time that the core of his comment didn't even hit me, and it wasn't until five years later when I de-converted that I even had a clue what he meant. My son taught me that what I had was a 'notion' of faith, rather than faith, and his comment was vital in assisting my evolution away from faith, and toward reason. If I have any considerable advice to give it would be to remain teachable. Your children may even be some of your greatest advisers. That, and hold them as often as they will let you, hold them close, because before you know it they'll be all grown up.

[Captain Colostomy]

Hi, and welcome!

Wait...you can actually teach your kids humility, virtue and morality?

Uh-oh.

[Doubting Thomas]

Welcome to the forums. I'm a father of two children who will be 4 and 2 soon, so I'll be watching the discussion carefully.

[max-greece]

Father of one here - 11 year old girl.

In a similar position to you so I too will be watching things closely. Right now my biggest problem is finding the right way to answer her questions - I tend to go off and be a bit long-winded.

Last time she asked me a question (what is relativity?) it took me an hour to answer it. In my own defence - you answer it to someone who hasn't learnt about Newton yet.

Anyway when I had finished and asked for her comments she said "I knew I should have asked mum."

Still at least it was better than the time she asked me what T.Rex ate and how we know. Just as I got to the part where I differentiated T.Rex's teeth from those of Carcharodontosaurus when she fell asleep.

[The Reality Salesman01]

I am continuously making my son think about other people from his own perspective. Knowing what one should do is not always what one does. My goal is to get my son to constantly think about his ideal environment, and project this ideal outward. I want him to be aware of how his actions affect the environment of others. I try to get him to reflect the ways the reverse impacts him as well. I present him with alternative types of behavior, and ask him to consider which types he would prefer. I believe that many virtues can be understood in this way. The problem is, so many other things influence our actions, and often override our virtues.

I also think its very important for him to consider other perspectives. The Socratic Method is a very useful way of doing this with children in my experience. I'm surprised at how often he leads himself to the right answer by just asking him a few questions, and then giving him a counter example of the logic he uses to answer them. It's very very effective. I always ask him questions like "How do you know that's true?" or "What makes you think that's right?".