I've had it

[*Deidre*]

Stimbo, you're meeting the wrong kinds. I happen to think you're great.
:-)

But you have to think it. Therein might lie the problem.
***hugs***

[Angrboda]

If I could, I'd wrap myself in you a thousand times. Live friend. Just live. Deadlines are easy to extend.

Here I am, 20 years after my first suicidal deadlines, and still I go on. Is this how we're built?

[Cyberman]

To be honest, I do get days when I see, and to an extent feel, the positives. Like now for instance, I'm on something of a high point of the rollercoaster. What amplifies how I feel about this, I think, is the isolation and the routine monotony (is there a Mono Tony, I wonder? Does he have a cousin named Duo or Stereo?). It's a self-reinforcing cycle; when I need companionship the most is precisely when I can't find it in myself to believe I can deserve it, let alone find it. Breaking that cycle seems as impossibly unlikely to me as going out to satisfy a deep, gut-wrenching craving for a dodo steak.

I know what you're all probably going to say, but deep down inside, in the room next to the locked one containing my Sam-shaped hole, I crave Shell's companionship so much. She is only the second lady I've ever been intimately close with (though Sam and I did meet some new friends at our club back in the day, I never went 'all the way' with anyone else). Now of course she represents 100% of my intimate life. It's really confusing.