A Question for Gay Men

[truthBtold]

Why does a gay horse say.... haaaaaaay?

[Napoléon]

I've never understood being 'offended' by feminine guys. It just doesn't make any sense. Even if they 'choose' to be effeminate, what sense does it make to be upset about that? If they are doing it in order to identify with their community or to be identifiable to their community, then good for them. I just can't see any rational sense in it.

I'm not sure whether this was aimed towards my post or just a general statement, but my take is that when gay guys have this sort of voice it's almost like they are trying to announce the fact that they are gay. My nephew acts pretty feminine and he's grown up in a household of women and his step-brother is gay and visits often (he's also excessively feminine). I can only imagine that this behaviour is subconsciously learnt. I just don't understand why this happens, and I must admit I find it rather annoying when a guy acts feminine seemingly only because of their sexual preference.

I feel I should make a correction to my earlier post though, using the word 'problem' is a bad move on my part. I have as much a problem with these gay guys who act feminine as I do with loud obnoxious people. I fully endorse their right to act such a way but I just can't help but find it annoying. I guess that may be irrational but there it is.

[SteelCurtain]

Not really aimed at your post, but your post probably spawned my observation.

I can understand being annoyed with it. Just as it is their right to act any way they want, it is everyone else's right to have a reaction to it. Sometimes they can go way over the top with it, almost like they are trying to elicit a response. When they act offended when that response happens, it's just as ridiculous.

[John V]

I don't get why a gay man would be attracted to an effeminate man. If you're attracted to feminine people, what's wrong with women?

[Tonus]

Could it just be a combination of a stereotype and confirmation bias? In the 70s the stereotypical gay man spoke with a lisp and always let his hands hang as if his wrists were limp. Anyone who spoke with a lisp or used that particular affectation (the limp wrist) was suspected of being gay, whereas any gay man who did not meet the stereotypes was met with "you're not like those other gay men."

I've known more straight men who spoke with a lisp than gay men who did, and I've known a fair number of men who were suspected of being gay for no other reason than that they spoke with a lisp and were judged to "be effeminate." I also know at least a few gay men who speak with no lisp whatsoever and who I would not know were gay unless they had revealed it to me. And seeing as I have lived my whole life in New York City, it's very likely that I know a whole lot of gay people that I do not even suspect of being gay, because they do not match any stereotype of gay people.

[SteelCurtain]

I don't get why a gay man would be attracted to an effeminate man. If you're attracted to feminine people, what's wrong with women?

Umm... maybe the lack of penis?

[truthBtold]

I don't get why a gay man would be attracted to an effeminate man. If you're attracted to feminine people, what's wrong with women?

Have u seen some women?

[Foxaèr]

Also, I am noticing something I deem to be a misconception in some people's responses. I doubt that feminine gay men choose to behave feminine any more than some straight men choose to behave in a feminine manner. Femininity is not dependent upon sexuality or choice any more than masculinity is. Plenty of Tom Boys, after all, behave in a masculine manner and they grow up to be straight. Masculinity in women is no more an indication of sexuality than femininity in men is an indication of sexuality, and I believe that the manner in which one presents herself or himself to the world in relation to either being masculine or feminine has no bearing on choice.

[downbeatplumb]

I have question for effeminate gay men. Why speak with a lisp? Is there a reason of some kind that you need to emulate a speech impediment? Hope my question isn't offensive, just curious.

I am not gay but would hazard a guess that it stems from a time when being gay was illegal so acted as a form of advertising to other people in the know without having to be blatant then kinda stuck.

A bit like speaking polari.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polari

Polari was used in London fishmarkets, the theatre, fairgrounds and circuses, hence the many borrowings from Romany. As many homosexual men worked in theatrical entertainment it was also used among the gay subculture, at a time when homosexual activity was illegal, to disguise homosexuals from hostile outsiders and undercover policemen. It was also used extensively in the British Merchant Navy, where many gay men joined ocean liners and cruise ships as waiters, stewards and entertainers.[8] On one hand, it would be used as a means of cover to allow gay subjects to be discussed aloud without being understood; on the other hand, it was also used by some, particularly the most visibly camp and effeminate, as a further way of asserting their identity.

[SteelCurtain]

Also, I am noticing something I deem to be a misconception in some people's responses. I doubt that feminine gay men choose to behave feminine any more than some straight men choose to behave in a feminine manner. Femininity is not dependent upon sexuality or choice any more than masculinity is. Plenty of Tom Boys, after all, behave in a masculine manner and they grow up to be straight. Masculinity in women is no more an indication of sexuality than femininity in men is an indication of sexuality, and I believe that the manner in which one presents herself or himself to the world in relation to either being masculine or feminine has no bearing on choice.

Exactly. But there seem to be higher incidences of effeminate men being gay and tomboyish women being lesbian. Whatever the modifier is, it seems to me to be a semi-reliable marker. I don't think this is entirely stereotype.