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Christians... I NEED your help
June 30, 2014 at 1:11 pm
(This post was last modified: June 30, 2014 at 1:12 pm by Mudhammam.)
Today an envelope arrived at my apartment containing Miracle Spring Water that my girlfriend ordered off the telly a couple of weeks ago. I was really excited until in the four-page letter that accompanied the water t'was mentioned the following:
"This packet contains water from the spring in Southern Russia where the pastors and Christians were led by the Holy Spirit to drink during the horrible Chernobyl nuclear accident. (I warn you, something so anointed and sacred can't be taken lightly)... No one who drank from this spring died from nuclear contamination. No one who followed divine leading and direction suffered illness. NOT ONE BELIEVER SUFFERED HARM. NOT ONE BELIEVER DIED. ALL WERE MIRACULOUSLY SPARED." (Caps in original).
Now I'm kind of scared to open the Miracle Spring Water. Can someone consult the Holy Spirit for me and make sure this water isn't dangerous? (After all, my girlfriend is supposed to put it on her forehead).
He who loves God cannot endeavour that God should love him in return - Baruch Spinoza
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RE: Christians... I NEED your help
June 30, 2014 at 1:15 pm
(June 30, 2014 at 1:11 pm)Pickup_shonuff Wrote: Today an envelope arrived at my apartment containing Miracle Spring Water that my girlfriend ordered off the telly a couple of weeks ago. I was really excited until in the four-page letter that accompanied the water t'was mentioned the following:
"This packet contains water from the spring in Southern Russia where the pastors and Christians were led by the Holy Spirit to drink during the horrible Chernobyl nuclear accident. (I warn you, something so anointed and sacred can't be taken lightly)... No one who drank from this spring died from nuclear contamination. No one who followed divine leading and direction suffered illness. NOT ONE BELIEVER SUFFERED HARM. NOT ONE BELIEVER DIED. ALL WERE MIRACULOUSLY SPARED." (Caps in original).
Now I'm kind of scared to open the Miracle Spring Water. Can someone consult the Holy Spirit for me and make sure this water isn't dangerous? (After all, my girlfriend is supposed to put it on her forehead).
*Dons his Christian hat* Judging from the location, it's probably the Eastern Orthodox Jesus, which everyone knows is just a heretical fairy tale!
In every country and every age, the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson
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RE: Christians... I NEED your help
June 30, 2014 at 1:18 pm
I'll bet after analysis it will match Peter Popoff's tap water.
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RE: Christians... I NEED your help
June 30, 2014 at 1:18 pm
You guys just sound jealous that you don't have Miracle Spring Water.
He who loves God cannot endeavour that God should love him in return - Baruch Spinoza
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RE: Christians... I NEED your help
June 30, 2014 at 1:19 pm
In the 1920s, radium and radium preparations, including water, were touted as miracle cures for EVERYTHING !!
(IOW, I am sceptical any springs within 200km of Chernobyl are still 'pure')
So, I'd put the water in a bowl outside and see if it kills vermin.
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RE: Christians... I NEED your help
June 30, 2014 at 1:22 pm
(June 30, 2014 at 1:19 pm)vorlon13 Wrote: In the 1920s, radium and radium preparations, including water, were touted as miracle cures for EVERYTHING !!
(IOW, I am sceptical any springs within 200km of Chernobyl are still 'pure')
So, I'd put the water in a bowl outside and see if it kills vermin.
I told her to put it in her small garden outside. Her sage and sunflower plants would like it I bet.
He who loves God cannot endeavour that God should love him in return - Baruch Spinoza
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RE: Christians... I NEED your help
June 30, 2014 at 1:35 pm
(This post was last modified: June 30, 2014 at 1:36 pm by LostLocke.)
I've been drinking water from Lake Michigan my whole life and I've never suffered radiation sickness! Maybe I should start selling this stuff through mail order.
Because God knows, if you can survive Lake Michigan water, you can survive anything.
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RE: Christians... I NEED your help
June 30, 2014 at 1:41 pm
(June 30, 2014 at 1:11 pm)Pickup_shonuff Wrote: NOT ONE BELIEVER SUFFERED HARM. NOT ONE BELIEVER DIED. ALL WERE MIRACULOUSLY SPARED." (Caps in original). I think..that this is supposed to sound impressive...but how many people does the author of this piece of adcopy think died at chernobyl? More tellingly, how many people does the author reckon -you- think died at chernobyl? 
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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RE: Christians... I NEED your help
June 30, 2014 at 1:46 pm
(June 30, 2014 at 1:41 pm)Rhythm Wrote: (June 30, 2014 at 1:11 pm)Pickup_shonuff Wrote: NOT ONE BELIEVER SUFFERED HARM. NOT ONE BELIEVER DIED. ALL WERE MIRACULOUSLY SPARED." (Caps in original). I think..that this is supposed to sound impressive...but how many people does the author of this piece of adcopy think died at chernobyl? More tellingly, how many people does the author reckon -you- think died at chernobyl?
More poignantly, how many genuinely believing Christians died at Chernobyl? The Lord only saved the ones who happened to take a swig form some stream? Seems legit.
In every country and every age, the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson
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RE: Christians... I NEED your help
June 30, 2014 at 2:00 pm
(June 30, 2014 at 1:18 pm)Cato Wrote: I'll bet after analysis it will match Peter Popoff's tap water.
My girl informs me she ordered it through him... You're telling me it's only tap??!
He who loves God cannot endeavour that God should love him in return - Baruch Spinoza
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