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Telling my parents that I'm an atheist- need advice.
#1
Telling my parents that I'm an atheist- need advice.
Hi, this is my first post and I'm still figuring out how this forum works in general. I thank anyone who is going to read this and help me out. Smile Anyhow, to my problem.

I live in Malta, a very religious country. My family needless to say, is full of Christians. My brother and I are atheists and my parents are both Christians. My mother is not the "die-hard" Christian i.e. she goes to mass every Sunday, says a prayer before lunch/dinner but that's it. I share a great relationship with my mother, if I open up to anyone it's her. She doesn't have any anger issues or anything, which makes her a great person to open up to.

My dad, on the other hand, is a devout Christian. Goes to mass everyday if possible, says a 10 minute morning prayer, prays before lunch/dinner, says the rosary on a long trip and so on. He has a temper, he's okay 40% of the time I talk to him but when he's angry he cannot be talked to. On the contrary to my mother, I don't really like my dad. We have one thing in common and that is we love football. But other than that I'm sorry to say that I don't really like him in general. I love him because he's family but that's it.

Now me. I'm an 18 year-old guy, I sort of realised that I'm a atheist when I was around 15 but I never acted on it. Till this very day I have put up with my family's beliefs, going to mass, saying the rosary from time to time etc. However I feel that it has to stop. I have to stop lying about my belief (or non-belief for that matter). I'm tired of wasting time going to church every weekend when I could be studying for my September exams. Whenever they say "Oh how we should thank god for everything we have..." I want to tell them "Thank nobody but yourself, you worked for your it, it's YOUR success not "god's"". My brother is also an atheist but he's fine with living a lie.

Now the thing is that apart from my brother and friends, nobody in my family knows that I'm an atheist. I never "grew the balls" to tell them mostly because I don't want my family to look at me from a different perspective once I declare myself an atheist. I'm afraid that if I tell them, they'll lose hope in me. Since my dad is a devout Christian I am 80% sure that he will never look at me the same way again. Even though I am his son and as a parent he bloody well should accept me no matter what. If I tell them, I will have to face a battle against my whole upbringing. My grandparents are very devout Christians too by the way.

So I hope I painted you an accurate picture of my situation. I'm 18, a couple of more years and I'll hopefully be out of this house and support myself. So the million, scratch that, billion dollar question is this- should I keep my head down and wait till I no longer rely on my family or should I open up to them that I'm an atheist. As of now I am 60% in favour of keeping my head down and 40% in favour of opening up to them. I hope somebody can give me some good advice about this.

Thank you for reading Smile Hope I posted this in the right forum Undecided
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#2
RE: Telling my parents that I'm an atheist- need advice.
There's no shame in waiting until you're no longer dependent on your family. When you have this discussion, they shouldn't be in a position of being able to punish you severely for not agreeing with their beliefs. Sounds like, especially, you don't know how your father will react.

If you can't contain yourself, have a plan and make preparations in case you're thrown out. Parents who previously seemed genuinely loving have been known to react this way, and if there's even a 10% chance that will happen, you should be prepared for it.
I'm not anti-Christian. I'm anti-stupid.
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#3
RE: Telling my parents that I'm an atheist- need advice.
I feel your pain, but sorry I'm closeted too Undecided.

(I'm not sure if this is inappropriate. But what is a rosary, and do you say it in malti)
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#4
RE: Telling my parents that I'm an atheist- need advice.
@Mister Agenda
Thanks for your input. I don't think that they'll throw me out, but as you said you may never know. It seems that I'm going to have to keep my family in the dark about this subject since I don't really want the mental depression they will inflict after I tell them.

@czuzyt ylgajla
In a nutshell, the rosary is a 15(~) minute prayer which consists of 5 identical parts. In each part, the prayer says 10 prayers which are all the same. For Christians, the rosary is an important prayer even though it's 15 minutes of saying the exact same thing over and over. The Maltese word for it is "ruzarju" the "j" is pronounced "y" and therefore the word is pronounced "rusaryu".
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#5
RE: Telling my parents that I'm an atheist- need advice.
Always a tough call OP.

To choose between your own true self and cow towing to some authority figure(s), while also depending on that figure for survival.

Only you can know the details of your particular situation, but the general advice, when financially dependent, is to tred carefully.
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#6
RE: Telling my parents that I'm an atheist- need advice.
I'd wait until you're out of the house if you have such a deeply religious parent. Especially one that you don't get along too well with unless football is on. I wonder if you could tell your mom without telling your dad. You don't have to stand up during dinner and make a big announcement.

I fortunately don't have religious parents, but we don't talk about it much, Especially around my grandmother. I came out to her, and we still get along fine, but it does bother her. She brings it up from time to time, and I can tell my mom would rather I just stay quiet about it.
Poe's Law: "Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing."

10 Christ-like figures that predate Jesus. Link shortened to Chris ate Jesus for some reason...
http://listverse.com/2009/04/13/10-chris...ate-jesus/

Good video to watch, if you want to know how common the Jesus story really is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88GTUXvp-50

A list of biblical contradictions from the infallible word of Yahweh.
http://infidels.org/library/modern/jim_m...tions.html

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#7
RE: Telling my parents that I'm an atheist- need advice.
You might try "losing interest" in religion rather than slapping your dad in the face with it. Find other things to do...shouldn't be too hard for an 18 year old.
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#8
RE: Telling my parents that I'm an atheist- need advice.
I will agree with the consensus.

Wait until you have financial independence and are generally antonymous.

Not good to create undue tension and animosity while living with your parents, and dependent on them in any way.

You'd believe if you just opened your heart" is a terrible argument for religion. It's basically saying, "If you bias yourself enough, you can convince yourself that this is true." If religion were true, people wouldn't need faith to believe it -- it would be supported by good evidence.
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#9
RE: Telling my parents that I'm an atheist- need advice.
Agree with the consensus and would reiterate what Min says: don't just stand up and make an announcement, but try to ease your way out of it by becoming busy with other things.

If you're forced to take part in prayer or go to church, you might have to grin and bear it for a while, but don't do anything that will put yourself in a bad situation. Make sure that when you come out that if shit hits the fan you've got an independence umbrella to shield yourself from the spray.
Teenaged X-Files obsession + Bermuda Triangle episode + Self-led school research project = Atheist.
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#10
RE: Telling my parents that I'm an atheist- need advice.
(August 13, 2014 at 12:31 pm)King Dez Wrote: For Christians, the rosary is an important prayer even though it's 15 minutes of saying the exact same thing over and over.
At least for those Christians who haven't read the bible... Thinking
Matthew 6:7 Wrote:"But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking."

Welcome
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