The Newly Departed thread: announcements (departures)

[Shell B]

To you it may not be. A gentleman needs to defend his wife. It's also a reflection on him.

I suppose. He usually lets me fend for myself. I guess ham hit a nerve.

[ignoramus]

When the day comes and Min remains polite to theists, we know he's finally lost his marbles.

[Joods]

Why do I keep coming back to this? I'm not going to single-handedly convince people that you can be be mentally ill and still have control over yourself. Y'all are only adding to the stigma.

You're preaching to the choir. I've tried saying that one's diagnosis is not a free pass for them to do what they want and escape all accountability. But there seems to be some here who want to enable H at every turn. Everyone who willingly comes here, signs up and engages in threads and posts, does so while in control of themselves. No one is forcing anyone to be here. As a result, everyone should be held accountable for the things they post. H knew what he was doing in every post he made. People need to accept that and stop trying to use his autism as a crutch in order to excuse away his bad behavior. His neediness and constant cries for attention have some people so sucked in that they refuse to see how they are actually contributing to the problem.
When people do that, when they enable another person, they are doing more harm than good. They allow the person in need of help, to continue doing the same crap, which in turn, prevents real help from being sought.

[Shell B]

I’m more concerned with how saying people who are sick can’t help themselves makes us all look like uncontrollable heathens. It’s not cool. Stigma needs to chill.

[Angrboda]

He had a huge presence here, he's been a member since the beginning. In the past few weeks especially he's exploded on two people that I'm aware of. The most recent being a moderator and wife of the admin/site creator.

Those circumstances alone make it a wholly different occurrence to Neo/Jor. So yeah, people want to talk about it.

I think many feel trapped between pity and loathing, too. Or maybe that's just me.

[ignoramus]

^ This accounts for most of the silent majority I believe. (including myself also)

[SteelCurtain]

I don’t remember anyone getting this flustered up when Neo told Jor to go back to her full time job of sucking truck driver cock at the thru-way stop, lol. I don’t recall anyone having side conversations about Anomalocaris when he told MK in a thread to strap on his suicide vest. Maybe I was the only one who saw those posts and called out the authors?

I didn't see the Neo thing. I did see the Anomalocaris thing.

Neither of those people have the level of relationships that Hammy has/had with so many members here. I have had probably 3 conversations with Anomalocaris, one of which was telling him he was a shit person for saying something so horrible to MK. But that's besides the point.

I don't think anyone here (besides maybe Tibs ) is saying that Hammy should be written off forever. I certainly am not. I am perfectly happy to continue being friends with Hammy. I don't take the outbursts personally.

I just don't buy in to the idea that Hammy doesn't have any control over his behavior, and that we should always give him another inch.

I don't buy into the idea that if we try to approach him in a nice way and he reacts with a personal insult laced tirade that makes you wish Slack would implement a block feature, that means I did something wrong.

No. Hammy is a full grown adult. I think Jör is right, Hammy is learning how best to deal with his diagnosis. I can give him the benefit of the doubt, but, again, I am only going to go so far trying to help him and be nice to him if his reactions are so completely at odds with the tone of the conversation.

[emjay]

I’m more concerned with how saying people who are sick can’t help themselves makes us all look like uncontrollable heathens. It’s not cool. Stigma needs to chill.

My concern is simply that Aspergers often involves, and certainly does in Hammy's case, perceiving the world differently; in a black and white, literal way... a world of strict rules and definitions... rather than the grey areas inbetween that everyone else takes for granted. In other words, insensitivity to context. And that's not going to change with any amount of therapy (I think); that's just the way some people are wired. So since that will and does inevitably lead to a lot of misunderstandings with people who do see grey areas, all I'm saying is I understand why he gets frustrated and angry.

How he then deals with that frustration and anger is a separate issue... something that can be changed... with anger management, mindfulness etc... and that's on him and his responsibility. But I'm just saying I understand the underlying reasons for that anger, and they've probably been an issue all his life.

In my opinion, what happened with you... basically a rage quit... was just the straw that broke the camel's back... with anger and frustration... and maybe also paranoia... building up from the incident with kimbyrle... or even before. And the thing about straws that break camel's backs is that they tend to come from very little things or misunderstandings, as seems to have happened in this case.

I know some people think I'm enabling him but I don't see it like that. I just understand that frustration he feels and couldn't undo that understanding even if I wanted to. I just want to help him deal better with that frustration and adapt better to the grey areas of life, and from my own perspective that is not a lost cause.

[Minimalist]

When the day comes and Min remains polite to theists, we know he's finally lost his marbles.

If that happens just throw dirt on me.

[Little lunch]

I don’t remember anyone getting this flustered up when Neo told Jor to go back to her full time job of sucking truck driver cock at the thru-way stop, lol.  I don’t recall anyone having side conversations about Anomalocaris when he told MK in a thread to strap on his suicide vest.  Maybe I was the only one who saw those posts and called out the authors?

Yeah, I didn't see the Neo thing and I would have said something if I did.
Steel Curtain gave Anomalocaris a mouthful and it's not the first time Ano has said something that was stupid, cold and heartless.
I've given him a kudos from time to time because I agree with something he's said, but I refuse to rep him.

You, LadyForCamus, sticking up for your friend is a great quality and I like that about you.
But Hammy will be back, and he will take something personally and call someone a cunt again, maybe you, and someone will point out his bad behaviour, and he will leave again. Repeat.
That is until he learns to take responsibility for his own actions, which he just might end up doing some day.

One thing I've learned since I took control of my depression is that some of the bridges I burned cannot be rebuilt and I don't blame myself or anybody else for it, but just move forward without looking back too much.