Differing degrees of rape?

[Brakeman]

--Why would men be so much more compassionate over a physical sexual intrusion than women?

* I don't even know what this means. If you mean why don't mean get upset about rape, they do, they just don't say it because society tells them if they don't like it or if they feel violated that strips away their manliness.
Rape is a horrible, awful, traumatizing experience. It's wrong always. All victims deal with the pain differently, but it doesn't lesson the severity of the violation. Jesus Christ I don't even know what to say to this without being insanely rude. I hate it when people talk like this though. It's comments like these that make male victims afraid to report to the police. It's comments like these that make them completely internalize their pain and suffering. It's so wrong.

Assuming you haven't had a sex operation before, you are projecting. I am male and I have woken up to a BJ I didn't ask for, nor did I want. But nothing you can say would make me want to hunt the girl down and bother her today. She was simply drunk and skanky. I don't know why she did it, I had never even spoken with her before.

So technically, according to you guys I've been raped, but I never felt like much of a victim so yes, there are variations in severity.. It bothered me a bit that night but I've never given it much thought. You claim to know soo much about how men think.. I am sure getting punched in nuts in high school was a much greater invasion of my personal space. Everyone does NOT feel the same about their body space and the personal dignity that goes with it. Really. Some guys waltz through the locker rooms letting it hang out and they really honestly don't give a fuck. Others are terrified to even change clothes within someone else's view. I was somewhere in the middle but closer to the ones that didn't care. The guys I knew well back then weren't too damned worried about her either. We made sure to lock our dorm doors a bit better but no one came and sat with me to see how I was feeling or anything. I'm sure there are guys who will take it to the ends of the earth to be sensitive to their bodily dignity, Others would be genuinely traumatized perhaps, but knowing what I do of that night, I would think that to be exceedingly rare given the same circumstance.
Honestly, since the room was shared with two other guys, I was more instantly freaked at the thought it was a guy, it gave me only a bit of relief to see that it was a girl. She wasn't an ogre or anything, she was just a problem drunk girl that hung around some guys from the 1st floor.

I'm not saying that my experience was the norm or typical, I don't really know as I hadn't even heard of a guy being "violated" by a girl he didn't know other than myself. I don't know how often it happens. The story got around campus (In various forms) but my only worry was that it didn't get to anyone that knew my parents.

Growing up in my day as a boy did not make keeping high levels of private dignity easy. Guys loved to target other guy's weaknesses, and "body dignity" was a favorite target in the swimming pool locker rooms or other sports rooms and it does carry over. The need for privacy/ dignity actually lessens and is not constant from man to man. The world of men just doesn't neatly cram into the boxes that you label. If you need a man to tell you how women feel, just ask.

[Mystical]

Why do you assume she was speaking of men who were raped by women?
I would think man on boy/man would be more prevalent.

[Losty]

If you didn't feel violated good for you. Doesn't mean that men don't feel violated by rape. Had I never been through the things I've been through, I probably wouldn't have felt violated in your situation either. The problem with the way you phrase things is that talk like that makes some men feel like feeling violated by rape makes them less of a man.
If you honestly don't think that this is a real issue, that there aren't many men who have been raped and have felt violated and been too ashamed to report it, I feel like you must be living under a rock.

[Mystical]

I dont think it's a result of living under a rock, Losty, its merely a suppressed part of our society that people dont want to know or talk about or think about, or know. I personally think the majority of people have been raped at some point in their lives.

[Brakeman]

Interesting question if you really feel that way about a women raping you. Would it matter if:

1) She used a dildo for penetration;

2) You were likely to get pregnant (yes this requires imagination);

3) If the sex were really, really unwanted. So in your case, let's imagine a male rapist.

If she had used a strap on, I dunno, maybe a little. Not much if it weren't painful, Icky is icky.. It only happed a few seconds because I yelled out to other people in the room who then turned on the light.

I was a bit afraid of catching something .. but not pregnant so no, I wouldn't think a male rape in this case is very comparable to a female rape. That was kinda my point. I wouldn't feel penetrated or have a fear of pregnancy if a woman raped me orally. I'm saying I don't think they are comparable from my male point of view. If it had been a homosexual rape by a man, yes, I do think that would have bothered me more. But again, this is the variance in victim impact we are talking about. I was sexually assaulted by a girl and it had little to no victim impact on me and this very idea seems to cause the chivalrous knights of the forum to have a meltdown.

The sex was really unwanted and unexpected. It only lasted a few moments until I woke up and cleared my head as to what was happening. I screamed. So no, definitely not wanted. I never talked to her except she said a meek sorry as she left to go down the steps.

If she ever reads this I'm sure she would be embarrassed, but I don't hold her any grudge anymore. Really none at all.

My "rape" experience can't be translated to women's rape can it? If I imagine a girl waking up to a stranger sucking on her clit, I can't see it having as little overall effect as it did with me. I ask myself why not. I'm not a woman so perhaps you could enlighten?

[Mystical]

Depends on the woman, I'd say, and experiences she has had in past.
I'd also say it equally depends upon the man, and what experience he has had in past.
Extenuating circumstances/ environmental factors also matter. I dont think there is a black or white, you're right, based on outside perspective.
But inside perspective that small act could be life shattering.
If you woke up tonight, Brakeman, to another mouth around your piece, how would you react and feel?
Now imagine how you would react or feel if you'd been woken up that very same way when you were a child, and was raped? Would you not feel a totally different feeling the next day?

[Brakeman]

If you didn't feel violated good for you. Doesn't mean that men don't feel violated by rape. Had I never been through the things I've been through, I probably wouldn't have felt violated in your situation either. The problem with the way you phrase things is that talk like that makes some men feel like feeling violated by rape makes them less of a man.
If you honestly don't think that this is a real issue, that there aren't many men who have been raped and have felt violated and been too ashamed to report it, I feel like you must be living under a rock.

How do you know how men think?
Men have very great individual differences in psyche. I have learned this from being a man and growing up with men. How did you gain all of your man-think knowledge?

What words of mine could be construed to even suggest that men can't be horribly traumatized by rape? Why would you assume that I belittle male rape victims?
As you are certainly aware, rape is combination of sex & violence and both of the ingredients can vary. My experience had a little bit of sex and a tiny amount of force so it is truly very different than a more extreme version. I have made no claim to be certain as to how often men get sexually assaulted, again you are projecting your preconceived notions on me. I can say that in my 50 plus years, I am the only one I know of that had anything happen at the hands of a woman, and even then I don't really consider my experience to be rape but more of a sexual assault. (This thread though reiterated that sex without consent was rape)

[Losty]

"How do you know how men think?"
Where in my post did I say I know how men think?
I could ask you the same question.

[Brakeman]

Depends on the woman, I'd say, and experiences she has had in past.
I'd also say it equally depends upon the man, and what experience he has had in past.
Extenuating circumstances/ environmental factors also matter. I dont think there is a black or white, you're right, based on outside perspective.
But inside perspective that small act could be life shattering.
If you woke up tonight, Brakeman, to another mouth around your piece, how would you react and feel?
Now imagine how you would react or feel if you'd been woken up that very same way when you were a child, and was raped? Would you not feel a totally different feeling the next day?

Yes, those circumstances would make me feel different.

That's what I was saying too!!!!

I think we are arguing overtop each other's head. I don't think You, Jenny, or Losty, have said anything I disagree with other than wording to the effect that ALL male rape victims are traumatized. I also felt that Losty was just a little too certain what men think and feel despite her lack of firsthand experience.

---

"How do you know how men think?"
Where in my post did I say I know how men think?
I could ask you the same question.

uhmm ...

If you're ever actually raped and you decide you liked it or it didn't affect you, so be it, don't call the cops. But don't say this kind of shit. It dehumanizes real male rape victims and it's disgusting.
..
If you mean why don't mean get upset about rape, they do, they just don't say it because society tells them if they don't like it or if they feel violated that strips away their manliness.
..
It's comments like these that make male victims afraid to report to the police. It's comments like these that make them completely internalize their pain and suffering.

The problem with the way you phrase things is that talk like that makes some men feel like feeling violated by rape makes them less of a man.

[Losty]

Depends on the woman, I'd say, and experiences she has had in past.
I'd also say it equally depends upon the man, and what experience he has had in past.
Extenuating circumstances/ environmental factors also matter. I dont think there is a black or white, you're right, based on outside perspective.
But inside perspective that small act could be life shattering.
If you woke up tonight, Brakeman, to another mouth around your piece, how would you react and feel?
Now imagine how you would react or feel if you'd been woken up that very same way when you were a child, and was raped? Would you not feel a totally different feeling the next day?

Yes, those circumstances would make me feel different.

That's what I was saying too!!!!

I think we are arguing overtop each other's head. I don't think You, Jenny, or Losty, have said anything I disagree with other than wording to the effect that ALL male rape victims are traumatized. I also felt that Losty was just a little too certain what men think and feel despite her lack of firsthand experience.

---

"How do you know how men think?"
Where in my post did I say I know how men think?
I could ask you the same question.

uhmm ...

If you're ever actually raped and you decide you liked it or it didn't affect you, so be it, don't call the cops. But don't say this kind of shit. It dehumanizes real male rape victims and it's disgusting.
..
If you mean why don't mean get upset about rape, they do, they just don't say it because society tells them if they don't like it or if they feel violated that strips away their manliness.
..
It's comments like these that make male victims afraid to report to the police. It's comments like these that make them completely internalize their pain and suffering.

The problem with the way you phrase things is that talk like that makes some men feel like feeling violated by rape makes them less of a man.

That's not me claiming to think I know how men think. Some. Some men. I do know how some men feel because I know men who have been raped. I have read news reports where men have been quoted talking about their first hand experiences with rape. Meh. This rape talk is emotionally exhausting to me so, I'd like to call a truce. I started out just trying to simply answer your questions and then I let my emotions get the best of me. Sorry.