a question of partners

[Wyrd of Gawd]

I met my partner three years ago and at that time she already had two children whom she was raising in the Catholic faith. She is by no means devout but asked me not to "push" atheism onto them. Of course they're her children so I politely agreed. The tacit agreement was that I could say I didn't believe in God but no more than that. My problem is this. The longer this scenario prevails the more I think, well why should you be able to share your views and I not mine. After all, regardless of what they end up believing, isn't it more important that they can accept and debate a difference of opinion?

I'm sure that you love your partner dearly. However, based upon observation and experience it's not a good idea to get tied up with a woman who already has kids. You will always come in last place and the vow of forsaking all others is just empty words. The issue over religion is just the tip of the iceberg and you will never be fully accepted as the leader of the household.

[fojo]

I would consider this need to shut out important parts of my personality out of the relationship and the family unacceptable in the long run. If the relationship hopefully works out indefinitely, this is supposed to become your family, isn't it, and as things stand, you are not yet accepted in it as you are. I understand the agreement, the question is, can you live with it in the long run. Of course, how long are you expected to keep this up anyhow? I mean, the kids get older and it is not an acceptable demand to hide your thoughts from them indefinitely when they grow up.

The idea being that I would hold off until they were old enough to make up their own mind. Maybe 10 or 11 is how it's always been talked about

[Alex K]

I would consider this need to shut out important parts of my personality out of the relationship and the family unacceptable in the long run. If the relationship hopefully works out indefinitely, this is supposed to become your family, isn't it, and as things stand, you are not yet accepted in it as you are. I understand the agreement, the question is, can you live with it in the long run. Of course, how long are you expected to keep this up anyhow? I mean, the kids get older and it is not an acceptable demand to hide your thoughts from them indefinitely when they grow up.

The idea being that I would hold off until they were old enough to make up their own mind. Maybe 10 or 11 is how it's always been talked about

That sounds okish. How long do you have to wait for that?

[Exian]

Until you're allowed to get into the meat of atheism, maybe a change of perspective will help you feel less muzzled. So far, you're allowed to tell them you don't believe a god exists, which is really all there is to atheism. There is still so much you're allowed to teach them: History, paleoanthropology, evolution, etc., so maybe if you think of all the stuff you can show them, you won't even notice the gag order???

[SteelCurtain]

I think you need to talk to your partner, and re-negotiate the terms here. You need to make a case for yourself here. Obviously she doesn't want you "proselytizing" to her children, that's reasonable. But if her children ask you direct questions, you should be able to answer them truthfully. It's a blurry line, to be sure, and you need to be careful. Maybe having a family Q&A session with everyone present?

[Minimalist]

You have a terrible image of priests, I prefer to see them as imbeciles rather than perverts haha

Read through the Damned Catholics thread. I have ample evidence.

[The Grand Nudger]

The idea being that I would hold off until they were old enough to make up their own mind. Maybe 10 or 11 is how it's always been talked about

Ah, wonderful, wait until the deed is thoroughly done and they wallow around in guilt and self loathing. I'm sure this is spoken of in the most sterile language possible...lol.

Meh, to hell with the heathens......it's not your concern. -If it concerns you- perhaps you should reassess your relationship with your partner rather than wonder about how (and if, and why, and when) to tackle the subject of god with your partners children?

[Whateverist]

This is less about your access rights to her kids' ideas than it should be about your decision to accept the relationship with her on her terms. Renegotiate or find a better match.

[Alex K]

It is a terribly blurry line. You can agree that you don't talk about atheism beyond that you don't believe. Imagine you tell them about evolution and the Big bang (hypothetically) and tell them how the universe started and all that, and what if they ask you (hypothetically) where in there does it say that we're God's special flowers, and you'll have to say, wait, I first have to get mommys permission whether it's ok to talk about naturalism in science. To me it sounds like you have to watch what you say all the time in any of thes topics, and that's just not how it works.

[TaraJo]

Religious matter simply don't come up very often with me. If the kids do ask, I find the socratic method may be the best idea here. They ask you something, you can simply tell them "What do you think?" or "Why do you think that happened?" Force them to figure things out themselves and teach them to think instead of relying on others for information.