Prayer: Biggest Hope and The Biggest Disappointment

[LivingNumbers6.626]

I have extremely vivid memories of prayer. I owe many memories to prayer. It was a practice during fun times, sad times, and sacred times. It was even something to do just because or because as a Mormon, I should always have a "prayer in my heart."

Man, was I great prayer. I had absolutely lived it to a T. I prayed morning and night, on the way to work, to school, before tests, after tests, before sports matches, after sports matches, when seeing someone in need, at church...just whenever, where ever.

I don't mean to be arrogant but I was very, very good at praying...which is a huge part to blame for my disbelief.

Besides two events which are probably most definable as dissociation due to sever mental strife, all my time in prayer there was NEVER an exalting or elevated feeling. I felt no spirit. I saw no angels. And silly Jeebus and his Daddy never came down to see me.

If prayer worked, healed me of my mental health, healed me of my physical limitations and diseases, made me feel like I "knew" some "god"...then I would not be an atheist.

Sometimes it hurts to think about how much hope I placed into prayer and how much a disappointment it became. A lot of my insecurities came from prayer and my "oh poor me, victim me" was just perpetuated through it. It prevented me from becoming an autonomous individual.

I literally thought: God will do the work for me, just how everyone says "if it weren't for God I would be who I am, have what I have, and be happy like I am happy."

God was supposed to make me better, make me feel better, and give me cool shit, man. But nothing...

Though it's been a difficult 12 months...I am finally learning the importance of self advocacy and self soothing techniques.

I pray to myself, now...well, when I manage to. I tell myself "I am safe, I am calm, and I am in control of the situation."

I praise my body, my vessel, my "temple." I say to myself "I love me, I love myself though I am a little chubby. This body has carried my crazy mind for 21 years, has allowed me to play sports, be active, and work."

I thank myself all the time: "hey self, thanks for waking up today and being kind to yourself. Way to go man."

I comfort myself: "self, it's going to be okay. Just focus on the task for the next thirty minutes. All is well, all will be well."

All this is still difficult to do, but so important. I never learned to do this naturally since I was so focused on a higher power that was supposed to do this for me. Luckily, after some time and more healing, I hope to be an independent, self sufficient being.

So yes, prayer was a depressing disappointment, but there is a better method...glad psychology exists to identify these methods.

[dyresand]

well i prayed for answers as to god are you real can you hear me can you do something. <- one of the reasons tacked onto why i became a atheists so quickly. Prayed no answer tried again no answer gives up religion.

[LivingNumbers6.626]

well i prayed for answers as to god are you real can you hear me can you do something. <- one of the reasons tacked onto why i became a atheists so quickly. Prayed no answer tried again no answer gives up religion.

For real. "Just give me something!" haha. I'm glad someone understands this disappointment.

[dyresand]

well i prayed for answers as to god are you real can you hear me can you do something. <- one of the reasons tacked onto why i became a atheists so quickly. Prayed no answer tried again no answer gives up religion.

For real. "Just give me something!" haha. I'm glad someone understands this disappointment.

Well lets through out the gods written by man what if god is a being we really know nothing about but just doesn't really care enough to bother to check in on us. Assuming there is one like the of course. But all in all i just wanted a sign that god was real and gotten nothing disappointed but felt kinda happy so no god means no hell.

[vorlon13]

I have extremely vivid memories of prayer. I owe many memories to prayer. It was a practice during fun times, sad times, and sacred times. It was even something to do just because or because as a Mormon, I should always have a "prayer in my heart."

. . . .

If I may ask, have you seen the Tanner's book, The Changing World of Mormonism ??

[Silver]

I don't mean to be arrogant but I was very, very good at praying.

In other words, you were really good on your knees.

[robvalue]

It is very sad, the false hope people are given by prayer. It's also an excuse for God, it's OK if he messed everything up, just pray about it.

The fact that people still think there is anything more to it than placebo and confirmation bias is hard for my overly logical brain. But then, I can't imagine being raised in an environment where this was all treated as indisputable fact; I love to think I could see through it as easily as I can now from my high horse, but it's impossible to say.

Sorry you had to go through that, I think it's great to share these experiences as I'm sure many people can sympathise and realize they're not the only one. Im talking to you, lurkers

We need a better name than lurkers, it sounds way too negative.

[polar bear]

WOW Q1C That was/is a tough journey. I encourage you to keep going down the path you are on. Mental health requires that we be "selfish" and take care of ourselves first and foremost.

I like your prayers to yourself! They are the only prayers that will be answered in a way that is healthy for you. And you will see a positive outcome the more you pray to yourself.

I am part of a support group for mental illness, and will borrow your idea of prayer to ourselves. Who knows, you might be helping more than just people that read this forum!

Way to go!

[robvalue]

I find talking to myself helps a lot, too. I give myself pep talks, and also kind of thrash things out, playing devils advocate to myself. And I offer myself the sound advice I would give someone else in a similar situation. Hearing it all out loud helps me process it, somehow. Weird but true.