Need some rather personal advice

[Jackalope]

Kevin - I don't have anything additional to offer beyond what's already been said, but I do want to say I hope you find what you need in a partner. I wish you well.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I met my woman online. Our love blossomed. I wouldn't compare my infirmity to your set of issues, at all; I have a bone disease that impairs my mobility, but doesn't impose a caregiving load onto others. It did require a bit of nuance in introducing it into our ongoing conversation, and I don't think I handled it perfectly, but a good woman is forgiving, and will understand -- and I got lucky. I don't think I'm really able to say much to you about the mechanics of meeting a gal, but I just got off the phone with mine, and we were talking about your thread here. My sense is that if you come across in real life as you do online, you will certainly find a good gal, because you're a smart, funny, and interesting sonofabitch.

I have no idea how you might get around your disability as an impediment to meeting your partner. Like you, I'm leery of dating websites. I didn't meet my love on one -- we met on a shared-interest forum. Perhaps that might work for you, or perhaps not. IRL or online, I've always gone with doing what I like to do, with the expectation that any gal I meet in the process will have at least one like in common with me. Pursue your interests, then -- in real life when that's possible (and make your peace with saying "... and this is my mom"), or online when it isn't. But pursue what interests you, and the girls you'll meet will usually share that interest.

Don't shy away from discussing your disability, but don't lay everything on the line right at the get-go -- that's my instinct on the matter. Of course you want to be upfront about your condition, and if a spark arises, you'll want to be fair enough to her to be perfectly clear that it won't be easy -- but you don't need to tell them about, say, toilet hygiene on the first or second date. Premature mention might come across as a job interview for a caregiver, and tardy mention might come across as sandbagging -- and only you can tell the right timing for bringing it up.

If you are physically unable to drive even a specially-equipped vehicle, perhaps you can get around the chaperone issue by having her over for dinner? Or perhaps by having her drive your van? I know that both those scenarios might also present issues in the "Would you go out with me?" conversation.

I know this is paltry advice, but I hope some of it at least is useful. The last thing I'll say is that the way you come across here, confident, walking into a topic and hitting it with a funny one-liner that shows layers -- well, if you are that way in real life, then I have no doubt you'll find a good gal. That sort of confidence is attractive. Diffidence and insecurity are not only turn-offs, they are also very easily noticed. Now, I know that telling you to "be confident" is not very useful -- but I will tell you to get out as much as possible doing the things you like to do, be a decent man, and ask women out, even with the logistical issues.

Ask women out. The worst thing that can happen is "no" -- but at least you won't have the shouldacouldawoulda BS running through your head.

Best of luck, Kevin.

[The Grand Nudger]

LOL, Jennys advice is pro. Friend some girl so hard she falls out of her panties. It -just has- to work!

[KevinM1]

Thanks for the advice, everyone.

I think the shared interest forum route is my best bet. I don't think I'm comfortable with the blind date aspect of online dating. My previous girlfriend and I were friends for a while before we started going out, and that just seems to be my style overall. I want to actually know a person for a bit before trying to take things to the next level. It takes the pressure off so that if things don't advance we can still remain friends.

With that said... ladies....

(kidding! )

---

Not on topic (Sorry) but I keep getting confused by people replying to you because my name is Kevin.

Kevin is a pretty awesome first name. I'm partial to it.