Is my Buddy still alive?

[Minimalist]

Shoulda, coulda, woulda,

Highlights the need for a Living Will and Medical Power of Attorney to someone you trust.

Wait until the bills start to come in. Jesus isn't going to pay them.

Sounds like a dreadful situation, IATIA.

[ManMachine]

My buddy went down for the count about 2 weeks ago. He was complaining of not feeling well over the weekend, but nothing out of the norm.

I talked to him Monday morning and he was on his way to take his Mother to the hospital for a checkup. Later that same day we chit-chatted about which movie we would be seeing the next weekend and other stuff.

Tuesday morning, I got a call from his niece that he had probably stroked out big time and was asking for me. I rushed over to the hospital, but he was in a coma by the time I got there.

The doctor was explaining to the niece and one of the relatives, on speakerphone, what the problems and prognosis were. Basically not good. Along with the stroke, was apparently a massive infection in his left shoulder and the doctor did not expect him to live.

After the doctor was finished with her discourse, I pulled her aside for a one on one to discuss options. She asked what his wishes would be and I explained that we had extensively discussed this over the many years of our friendship and my buddy would like the plug just pulled. The doctor said that she would consider my input as an objective friend that had more information on his wishes than the emotionally involved family members that had not discussed these type of situations. (They are a tight knit hispanic family and, of course, the "will of god" comes into play).

All would have been OK, as the doctor would have honored his wishes per my say so, but he woke up the next night and had to be sedated. Now the family was adamant that he should be saved.

He finally woke up and is no longer in ICU. His brain is fucked. He cannot swallow and probably will never be able to swallow again. His vision is dark and blurry. He remembers pieces of things, but thinks it is 1972. He does not remember things any longer that happened presently. He is aware of my presence and knows who I am, but does not remember that I was there yesterday. Talking with him is like talking to a 10 year old retard. It is unlikely that anything will improve.

Shoulda, coulda, woulda, but they did not pull the plug and because of rules, morality, god and other ridiculous reasons, he will be forced to be like this for the rest of his life. Without the stress inducing awareness, he may live another 10-20 years in this state, sucking up resources, and never be who he was. He died that first night and will never be resurrected.

It seems to me the question at the heart of this is how happy or unhappy is he?


MM

[IATIA]

It seems to me the question at the heart of this is how happy or unhappy is he?

I guess you did not really get the point. My buddy, before all this happened, would have been shocked, grieved, dismayed, pissed, ... (stick any synonym you like here) ... that his family would allow this to go on. If he is 'happy' right now, it is because he is no longer who he was and has not the capacity to evaluate good-bad, happy-unhappy any more. He has stated time and time again that if he cannot feed himself and wipe his own ass, then what is the point of going on.

@Min

Definitely a living will is desirable. Myself and my immediate family have a 'community' living will. One of the problems can be, if the family just says OK (yeah yeah, whatever) and, after the fact, they never divulge the will, the patient is in no position argue.

[Godscreated]

It seems to me the question at the heart of this is how happy or unhappy is he?

I guess you did not really get the point. My buddy, before all this happened, would have been shocked, grieved, dismayed, pissed, ... (stick any synonym you like here) ... that his family would allow this to go on. If he is 'happy' right now, it is because he is no longer who he was and has not the capacity to evaluate good-bad, happy-unhappy any more. He has stated time and time again that if he cannot feed himself and wipe his own ass, then what is the point of going on.

@Min

Definitely a living will is desirable. Myself and my immediate family have a 'community' living will. One of the problems can be, if the family just says OK (yeah yeah, whatever) and, after the fact, they never divulge the will, the patient is in no position argue.

You can give your doctor your living will, that way if need be you can have the doctor to present your wishes.

GC

[IATIA]

I have not seen a doctor since my physical in the Army. Even so, I would have to count on the doctor being notified and available at the time of my situation.

I am thinking something along the line of a medical tag, but I despise jewelry and I do not carry a wallet.

[vorlon13]

A friend of mine gave me his medical power of attorney over all his relatives. He absolutely could not trust any of them to carry out his wishes, particularly if any financial issue was involved. I have no problems with this, but it is sad his sisters, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, and the rest are so flawed.

[MJ the Skeptical]

From my standpoint, I would not want to be alive if I could not remember loved ones, the era I'm in, or I didn't have all my mental capacities in tact and had no free will to make choices.

So to me, no, that would not be living in the colloquial sense of being "alive".