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Current time: November 22, 2024, 2:45 pm

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Is my Buddy still alive?
#1
Is my Buddy still alive?
My buddy went down for the count about 2 weeks ago. He was complaining of not feeling well over the weekend, but nothing out of the norm.

I talked to him Monday morning and he was on his way to take his Mother to the hospital for a checkup. Later that same day we chit-chatted about which movie we would be seeing the next weekend and other stuff.

Tuesday morning, I got a call from his niece that he had probably stroked out big time and was asking for me. I rushed over to the hospital, but he was in a coma by the time I got there.

The doctor was explaining to the niece and one of the relatives, on speakerphone, what the problems and prognosis were. Basically not good. Along with the stroke, was apparently a massive infection in his left shoulder and the doctor did not expect him to live.

After the doctor was finished with her discourse, I pulled her aside for a one on one to discuss options. She asked what his wishes would be and I explained that we had extensively discussed this over the many years of our friendship and my buddy would like the plug just pulled. The doctor said that she would consider my input as an objective friend that had more information on his wishes than the emotionally involved family members that had not discussed these type of situations. (They are a tight knit hispanic family and, of course, the "will of god" comes into play).

All would have been OK, as the doctor would have honored his wishes per my say so, but he woke up the next night and had to be sedated. Now the family was adamant that he should be saved.

He finally woke up and is no longer in ICU. His brain is fucked. He cannot swallow and probably will never be able to swallow again. His vision is dark and blurry. He remembers pieces of things, but thinks it is 1972. He does not remember things any longer that happened presently. He is aware of my presence and knows who I am, but does not remember that I was there yesterday. Talking with him is like talking to a 10 year old retard. It is unlikely that anything will improve.

Shoulda, coulda, woulda, but they did not pull the plug and because of rules, morality, god and other ridiculous reasons, he will be forced to be like this for the rest of his life. Without the stress inducing awareness, he may live another 10-20 years in this state, sucking up resources, and never be who he was. He died that first night and will never be resurrected.
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson

God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers

Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders

Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
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#2
RE: Is my Buddy still alive?
I'm very sorry to hear this Sad

I agree, it seems like torture to keep someone alive in that state, and it's terrible they didn't go along with his wishes in the first place. I would never want to be kept around like that.

It sounds to me like you did everything you could. I think there's often an irrational wish to keep people alive, despite what it may be like for them.
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#3
RE: Is my Buddy still alive?
Thanks
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson

God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers

Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders

Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
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#4
RE: Is my Buddy still alive?
Sorry to hear that. But it would be presumptious for someone not knowing your buddy answering that question.

I can feel you though. Some ten years ago, my best friend died. Gone within a second. The worst thing was receiving the news by his email adress. He was living in Australia at that time and I hoped to get an update on what he was doing, only to discover a one liner about his sudden death.
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#5
RE: Is my Buddy still alive?
I don't really have anything to add, I just want you to know I'm so sorry, IATIA Sad
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#6
RE: Is my Buddy still alive?
Thanks all.

I am at that age where everyone i know will be dropping like flies and though his death would have been a loss, to allow anyone to live out their remaining years in this condition is just incomprehensible.

Each time I visit, he lights up and is glad to see me. He thinks it is my first visit.
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson

God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers

Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders

Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
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#7
RE: Is my Buddy still alive?
I am really sorry to hear this. I hope your friend won't have to bear this torture for too long.
Quote:To know yet to think that one does not know is best; Not to know yet to think that one knows will lead to difficulty.
- Lau Tzu

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#8
RE: Is my Buddy still alive?
IATIA, sorry to hear about you friend, tough times for everyone involved. I'm sure his family has already second guessed, but when a family doesn't know the wishes of a family member they make decisions under great stress. This is why everyone here should let their family members know their wishes, especially the one who has the decision to make. Take that decision out of others hand and do a living will. My dad told us not to hook him up to machines when he was dying and we honored him in his passing.
Do not give up on your friend you never know what will happen, probably not a great recovery possible, but one where he could enjoy family and friends could be possible, it's far to early to tell what the extent of his recovery could be. Again very sorry that this experience came your way and to your friend, make the most of this to help you down the road.

GC
God loves those who believe and those who do not and the same goes for me, you have no choice in this matter. That puts the matter of total free will to rest.
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#9
RE: Is my Buddy still alive?
I am so sorry that this happened to your friend.
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#10
RE: Is my Buddy still alive?
My grandmother suffered something like this, she couldn't talk, walk, eat or move her left right hand, the only thing that improved was her ability to eat . The doctor said that the improvement depends alot on the age. Thats why my grandmother chances of improving were very low. I might sound too optimistic, but your friend might get better with time .
Its really good of you to be such a good friend .
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