Amusing Urban Dictionary Entries

[Fendon]

I'm always a bit daunted when I post to a new forum for the first time, especially with comedy because it's like... subjective and I don't regard myself as a particularly funny person. Hence I rely on other people on the internet to tell my jokes FOR me.

I hope I'm not the only one who does this, but sometimes when I get bored I patrol urbandictionary.com looking for interesting/funny definitions. I'm usually not disappointed. If there is already an active thread dedicated to this... sorry :/

If this thread is somewhat popular I might update it from time to time. Anyway, I found some entries which are somewhat relevant to this forum.

The following are definitions of Atheist, according to Urban Dictionary:

"one who cannot define logically, scientifically, or pragmatically the existance of a God"

"A person who denies the reality of God (particularly Jesus Christ, despite historical proof of His otherworldly being), and lives life 'free' trusting in science and 'logic'. This despite the fact that may be able to point out when and how the universe was created, but are unable to state WHY. Stephen Hawking himself made this point. Despite so much being unknown about what reality actually is, how it came into being, how colours, morality, love, the fabric of space and time 'happened', they consider themselves smarter than any faith bearing person, and pretty much anyone else they happen across. God loves atheists. Despite what they make think. Ironically, they are usually more militant about their lack of belief than faith bearing people are about their faith."

"Stupid-ass high school and college students who think they know something about life in the real world."

And for evolution:

"How your pokemon change at certain levels!"

"The general idea of evolution is that if a million monkeys bang a million monkeys they’d eventually produce a Shakespear. "

"...destroys our faith in God, leads to communism, undeniably leads to Nazism, and endorses murder and rape."

"There is no such thing as evolution, just a list of creatures that Chuck Norris has allowed to live."

[Alex K]

"The general idea of evolution is that if a million monkeys bang a million monkeys they’d eventually produce a Shakespear.

That's witty (apart from the spelling)

[robvalue]

Hehe cool. That's some funny stuff

If you want to make a joke on here, I've found this a good format:

I'd like to [verb] [mythical religious figure] with a [noun].

Give it a try, it's guaranteed laughs

[Alex K]

I'd like to circumnavigate Odin with a telephone.

[robvalue]

Whoah! We have a winner right off the bat

I'd like to elongate jesus with a claw hammer.

[vorlon13]

If I am remembering the reasoning properly, the monkey/typewriter/Shakespeare analogy is backwards.

Words organized into a dictionary are considered to have LESS entropy, and words picked from a dictionary and arranged as in paragraphs and sonnets and treaties and limericks and directions etc. have MORE entropy.

So use of the monkey/typewriter analogy by the creationists is fucked up from the get go.

[Rhizomorph13]

If an infinite number of monkeys were allowed to bang away at an infinite number of typewriters, they would eventually produce the works of Shakespeare, given an infinite amount of time. <--not a quote, just my rough idea of the theorem.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infinite_monkey_theorem

[polar bear]

I'd like to circumnavigate Odin with a telephone.

you didn't just play the odin card did you???

[Nope]

From the Urban Dictionary

Hagrid
Excessive amount of pubic hair. Totally untamed, untrimmed, all natural 70's bush. Obviously, the term gets its name from the Harry Potter Character, Rubeus Hagrid, who's face looks like it's covered entirely with pubes.

[Alex K]

I'd like to circumnavigate Odin with a telephone.

you didn't just play the odin card did you???

Erm... I.... I suppose so?