Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: January 22, 2025, 1:23 am
Atheist Forums › Community › Religion › Christianity v
Three Ways to Torture Demons You Haven't Heard of Yet

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Thread Modes
Three Ways to Torture Demons You Haven't Heard of Yet
JesusHChrist Offline
Thunder Thighs
****
Religious Views: Christian Satanist
Posts: 2962
Threads: 44
Joined: March 22, 2013
Reputation: 39
#1
Three Ways to Torture Demons You Haven't Heard of Yet
February 16, 2015 at 2:54 pm (This post was last modified: February 16, 2015 at 2:59 pm by JesusHChrist.)
Guys and gals,

Found this awesome video on how to torture and destroy demons with techniques you have probably NOT HEARD OF YET.

For example: take off their jewelry (didn't think of that!), cut off their left hand, put out their left eye, send angels after them..., and so on.

At first I thought surely, SURELY, this must be a parody, but it seems to be all too real. Somebody please tell me this is a parody.

Folks, these people walk among us. Just when I think the floor has been reached, nope! New floor!

Be blessed in Jeebus' name amen!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eZPtfRi1tc
Find
Reply
Norman Humann Away
Atheist Forums' Official Line Thief
****
Religious Views: tl;dr
Posts: 3620
Threads: 22
Joined: January 19, 2015
Reputation: 30
#2
RE: Three Ways to Torture Demons You Haven't Heart Yet
February 16, 2015 at 3:01 pm
I couldn't focus on what he was saying because I was staring at the headset.
Find
Reply
Jackalope Away
Elon Musk owes me money
*******
Religious Views: Absent
Posts: 31014
Threads: 204
Joined: July 19, 2011
Reputation: 141
#3
Tongue 
RE: Three Ways to Torture Demons You Haven't Heard of Yet
February 16, 2015 at 3:04 pm (This post was last modified: February 16, 2015 at 3:14 pm by Jackalope.)
Yeah, you can send angels after demons in precisely the same way as unicorns after dragons.
Find
Reply
JesusHChrist Offline
Thunder Thighs
****
Religious Views: Christian Satanist
Posts: 2962
Threads: 44
Joined: March 22, 2013
Reputation: 39
#4
RE: Three Ways to Torture Demons You Haven't Heard of Yet
February 16, 2015 at 3:04 pm
You better listen up if you want to torture demons. The headset is Sat-in trying to distract you.

He knows you have power to torture his demons!
Find
Reply
Chad32 Offline
The disillusioned
****
Religious Views: Apatheist/Antitheist
Posts: 9176
Threads: 76
Joined: November 21, 2013
Reputation: 40
#5
RE: Three Ways to Torture Demons You Haven't Heard of Yet
February 16, 2015 at 3:06 pm
Demons are weak enough that just speaking Jesus' name will drive them away, but strong enough to cause the world to fall to ruin and send most of the Humans to oblivion. Seems like Yahweh is lazy to allow such evils to do so much.
Poe's Law: "Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing."

10 Christ-like figures that predate Jesus. Link shortened to Chris ate Jesus for some reason...
http://listverse.com/2009/04/13/10-chris...ate-jesus/

Good video to watch, if you want to know how common the Jesus story really is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88GTUXvp-50

A list of biblical contradictions from the infallible word of Yahweh.
http://infidels.org/library/modern/jim_m...tions.html

Find
Reply
JesusHChrist Offline
Thunder Thighs
****
Religious Views: Christian Satanist
Posts: 2962
Threads: 44
Joined: March 22, 2013
Reputation: 39
#6
RE: Three Ways to Torture Demons You Haven't Heard of Yet
February 16, 2015 at 3:07 pm
I still have a suspicion this is a Poe, but if so, it's kept under wraps.
Find
Reply
Nine Offline
Bee-ad
****
Religious Views: Queen Bee
Posts: 4344
Threads: 43
Joined: February 21, 2012
Reputation: 64
#7
RE: Three Ways to Torture Demons You Haven't Heard of Yet
February 16, 2015 at 3:09 pm
"and another reason why I title it that is because I made them up."

Yep..
Find
Reply
JesusHChrist Offline
Thunder Thighs
****
Religious Views: Christian Satanist
Posts: 2962
Threads: 44
Joined: March 22, 2013
Reputation: 39
#8
RE: Three Ways to Torture Demons You Haven't Heard of Yet
February 16, 2015 at 3:11 pm
(February 16, 2015 at 3:09 pm)Nine Wrote: "and another reason why I title it that is because I made them up."

Yep..

Good catch.

"When I see a demon leaning up against a fence..."

He's very dead pan in the delivery. I couldn't do it.
Find
Reply
Norman Humann Away
Atheist Forums' Official Line Thief
****
Religious Views: tl;dr
Posts: 3620
Threads: 22
Joined: January 19, 2015
Reputation: 30
#9
RE: Three Ways to Torture Demons You Haven't Heard of Yet
February 16, 2015 at 3:13 pm
(February 16, 2015 at 3:07 pm)JesusHChrist Wrote: I still have a suspicion this is a Poe, but if so, it's kept under wraps.

That would explain the headset.
Find
Reply
Lucanus Offline
Shitposter extraordinaire
****
Religious Views: Top 10 pranks that went too far
Posts: 3405
Threads: 33
Joined: July 17, 2013
Reputation: 43
#10
RE: Three Ways to Torture Demons You Haven't Heard of Yet
February 16, 2015 at 3:59 pm
This reminds me a lot of that (in)famous FSTDT quote:
"Leviathon is a spirit I have battled as well..."
"Every luxury has a deep price. Every indulgence, a cosmic cost. Each fiber of pleasure you experience causes equivalent pain somewhere else. This is the first law of emodynamics [sic]. Joy can be neither created nor destroyed. The balance of happiness is constant.

Fact: Every time you eat a bite of cake, someone gets horsewhipped.

Facter: Every time two people kiss, an orphanage collapses.

Factest: Every time a baby is born, an innocent animal is severely mocked for its physical appearance. Don't be a pleasure hog. Your every smile is a dagger. Happiness is murder.

Vote "yes" on Proposition 1321. Think of some kids. Some kids."
Find
Reply


Atheist Forums › Community › Religion › Christianity v
Three Ways to Torture Demons You Haven't Heard of Yet

Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Three in five British adults say miracles are possible zebo-the-fat 15 2546 September 30, 2018 at 2:32 pm
Last Post: Pat Mustard
  Catholic priests allowed to exorcise demons in English pocaracas 48 10095 November 4, 2017 at 6:30 pm
Last Post: Cyberman
  And Yet, They Work For A Fucktard Like Ham Minimalist 22 3931 July 18, 2017 at 3:50 am
Last Post: The Valkyrie
  Three Christian Women marry Jesus Divinity 21 4922 July 14, 2017 at 9:31 pm
Last Post: Rev. Rye
  Yet another child molesting priest zebo-the-fat 18 2803 April 13, 2017 at 6:36 pm
Last Post: Fireball
  Christians and demons rado84 30 5956 December 14, 2016 at 8:59 pm
Last Post: Tonus
  Yet they call US "angry atheists" The Valkyrie 36 5522 June 3, 2016 at 5:56 pm
Last Post: dyresand
  Three Questions for God Time Traveler 123 23871 April 29, 2016 at 7:33 pm
Last Post: Cyberman
  The TSA ain't screening for demons ?? WTF !!! vorlon13 17 3807 March 5, 2016 at 6:11 pm
Last Post: AFTT47
  Adult coloring books will get you possessed by demons!!!! drfuzzy 31 5496 March 1, 2016 at 9:52 pm
Last Post: Jackalope



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)