A fear of relapse

[robvalue]

You bet, the sign of a real grown up is asking for help when you need it. I'm sure everyone here will give you great suggestions and help you through.

Further to what Norman was saying, how much time have you spent worrying about Allah, Vishnu or Thor being angry with you? The christian god (Morgan Freeman) is just one out of a possible infinite versions of a god, and that's if one exists at all, for which there is entirely no evidence.

[Norman Humann]

Everyone needs support, dude. If it's community you're looking for, this is the right place. The people here are amazing. And I'm not just saying that because I'm one of them :p

[Brometheus]

Welcome! I've been through the same shit.

My road to reality started one night, while deeply depressed, I was lying on the living room floor trying to sleep. I got up, grabbed a notebook and wrote "What I Know for Sure" at the top. Then I wrote nothing else for about half an hour as I tried to grab something I knew for absolutely certain.

First line, was "I think, therefore I am." Which was my only entry for a month - but was enlightening. Thinking is the only way to know anything real. I began to read the books I'd been forbidden from reading. Books on philosophy, physics, biology, geology... everything. I began to write other things that I knew for certain.

It was a great practice which yielded a tremendously balancing result, and began my long road back from the uncertainty and terror of religious indoctrination. Now whenever I have shit-thoughts I gauge them against my notebook of stuff I know for sure, and it allows the real me to fight back against the conditioned me. It may or may not work for you, but it did for me.

[Goon]

Hey all, I just recently found out I was an atheist after being brought up in a christian family. I mean, looking back I guess being a christian never really clicked with my totally analytical brain but somehow I still managed to hold onto it, albeit quite loosely as time went on. So 21 years a "christian" I finally come to terms with myself and, probably a little too quickly, come out to my friends and family. Woot!
Problem starts a little bit later when I find myself trying to explain why I am an atheist to my family. I have solid arguments, don't get me wrong, I mean I spent years contemplating all this before I decided. But there must still be a part of me that's having trouble letting go because as I form my logic I hear a little voice in my head saying
"Oh, that's not right! How could you think like that?"
And I tell the voice, "Well here's the logic. It only makes sense that it's like this."
And then I'm going back and forth with myself battling my old indoctrinated christian sentiments with my emotionless logic and in the end I have to remind myself of how I felt as a christian when it never felt quite right so the voice in my head quiets down. But it always comes back and I do it all over again, it's extremely frustrating.
I'm kind of fearful that I'll have a relapse and become the zombie I once was again, never daring to reach out and explore.
Has anyone else experienced this? Any wisdom or tips to help a newborn such as myself?

I get tired of the old habits creeping up. I am slowly letting go of the response to problems being something the glory of gawd will digest. It's sort of sad being without the hope of an eternal brace, but keeping it going and not being completely developed by indoctrination is traumatic to the mental health of a person. To keep running to nothing and thinking getting nothing is a present is sort of sad. It is the life of many.. lies built up that can seem to not be fiction to the majority.

[Minimalist]

Norm nailed it.

Keep this handy for those times when you need to remind yourself what a despicable pile of shit the bible really is.


http://www.nobeliefs.com/DarkBible/darkbible3.htm

[Angrboda]

What exactly is it you fear about going back? It sounds like the fear is greater than the reality. Suppose you did go back? Big deal. And if you did go back, you could always come back to atheism. Why not? Just try to be happy with whichever way you choose.

[Brian37]

Nobody "finds out" they are an atheist, they end up an atheist. It isnt like your keys you lost under your couch. You simply hit a point where you realized what your prior position ceased to make sense. Yea a bit pedantic on my part, it just stuck me as funny putting it like that.

Your "fear" is quite normal, but think about all the other god claims and versions of hell of other religions that you don't feel threatened by, why should the one you just left cause you any fear either.

I actually was an atheist a few years before seeking other atheists out online for the first time back in 01. Even with years of being one, I still was fearful about finding others because of the social stigma I grew up with indoctrinated in me. When I did my very first "atheist" search online it was shortly after 9/11 after an AP opinion went to papers nation wide from a Nurse from Chicago who was concerned about atheists not being part of the mourning process of the victims. Reading that motivated me to seek out other atheists online.

But, because of that social stigma, while typing the word "atheist" I was thinking in the back of my mind "what if someone finds out I am doing this? What if I am joining some sort of cult? But less than a few days later reading all the responses, I realized I had nothing to fear, and I have not looked back since.

---

Do you fear the punishment of Zues or Wodan? Do you fear Thor striking you down with lightening? So why would the old bronze age books written by scientifically ignorant humans scare you either?

[Jenny A]

Hey all, I just recently found out I was an atheist after being brought up in a christian family. I mean, looking back I guess being a christian never really clicked with my totally analytical brain but somehow I still managed to hold onto it, albeit quite loosely as time went on. So 21 years a "christian" I finally come to terms with myself and, probably a little too quickly, come out to my friends and family. Woot!

Problem starts a little bit later when I find myself trying to explain why I am an atheist to my family. I have solid arguments, don't get me wrong, I mean I spent years contemplating all this before I decided. But there must still be a part of me that's having trouble letting go because as I form my logic I hear a little voice in my head saying
"Oh, that's not right! How could you think like that?"
And I tell the voice, "Well here's the logic. It only makes sense that it's like this."
And then I'm going back and forth with myself battling my old indoctrinated christian sentiments with my emotionless logic and in the end I have to remind myself of how I felt as a christian when it never felt quite right so the voice in my head quiets down. But it always comes back and I do it all over again, it's extremely frustrating.
I'm kind of fearful that I'll have a relapse and become the zombie I once was again, never daring to reach out and explore.

Has anyone else experienced this? Any wisdom or tips to help a newborn such as myself?

I haven't experieced what you are experiencing.  I grew up in a very Christian household, but didn't ever believe.  I did however, experience much guilt, for my lack of belief.   Having tried to use the Bible as a way to learn to believe, I highly reccomend it as way to get over belief.  Read it cover to cover critically.  Pay attention to mentions of other gods (who appear quite real); the scientific impossibility of many things, most of which are not described as miracles; the immorality of god and his laws; the folklore nature of much of what is there; what god does to peoples other than the Hebrews.  Notice that the later books of the OT are all about establishing the privilege of priests and nobles.  Then actually read the "prophecies" mentioned in the Gospels in context while you read the Gospels.  Compare the Gospels stories.