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I'm sort of stuck in the world of lust. I'm 39 (the big 4-0 in December) and never got around to marrying. I guess I'm a bit of a cynic, there. People my age seem to be divorcing a whole hell of a lot more than, say, my grandparents generation. I find that a bit disconcerting. More than a bit.
Doesn't mean I don't look at pretty girls. Heck, as we know, I like soccer. And much of that soccer is women's. The looks are not lost on me.
But, that's all lust. I wonder what all happens when we all get older and lose our looks. Therein would lie the actual definition of love, methinks. And I can't envision it.
Hence, I feel better single.
"For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring." - Carl Sagan
Love is "A strong feeling of affection." Sometimes people use the term rather loosely. And sometimes people misuse the term when what they are talking about is something else, like pure lust. If you have a really good friendship, that is a form of love.
Sometimes people confuse love with other feelings that are mixed in, which can add to the intensity of the overall feelings one has. For example, starting out with someone can include fear, where one wonders if one is making a mistake. That can add intensity to the overall feelings one has, but is not making the feeling of love stronger or more intense. It is just that one is also feeling fear. If one has not chosen poorly, that feeling of fear is likely to evaporate, and so the overall intensity of feeling is likely to diminish. Some people misinterpret that as meaning that the love has faded, when really it is just that the fear is gone.
Some people really enjoy feeling fear, which is one of the reasons people have enjoyed ghost stories and roller coasters. This also explains why some people are drawn to dangerous people, because they get a thrill from the fear.
My personal preference is for what in the OP is described as "boring," except that I do not stay with my wife because I have been with her "for so long and it's routine now." I stay with her because I love her and I enjoy her company. Sure, it would add excitement if my wife came at me with a knife now and then, but that kind of excitement I can do without. If you want that sort of thing, that is your business, but you will pay for it one way or another. But it's your life.
In my case, my wife is my best friend. I like it that way. It gives us a solid foundation and we have been happy together over 20 years. It is very likely that we will stay together for life, and be happy together for life.
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
(July 4, 2015 at 2:47 pm)Pyrrho Wrote: Love is "A strong feeling of affection." Sometimes people use the term rather loosely. And sometimes people misuse the term when what they are talking about is something else, like pure lust. If you have a really good friendship, that is a form of love.
Sometimes people confuse love with other feelings that are mixed in, which can add to the intensity of the overall feelings one has. For example, starting out with someone can include fear, where one wonders if one is making a mistake. That can add intensity to the overall feelings one has, but is not making the feeling of love stronger or more intense. It is just that one is also feeling fear. If one has not chosen poorly, that feeling of fear is likely to evaporate, and so the overall intensity of feeling is likely to diminish. Some people misinterpret that as meaning that the love has faded, when really it is just that the fear is gone.
Some people really enjoy feeling fear, which is one of the reasons people have enjoyed ghost stories and roller coasters. This also explains why some people are drawn to dangerous people, because they get a thrill from the fear.
My personal preference is for what in the OP is described as "boring," except that I do not stay with my wife because I have been with her "for so long and it's routine now." I stay with her because I love her and I enjoy her company. Sure, it would add excitement if my wife came at me with a knife now and then, but that kind of excitement I can do without. If you want that sort of thing, that is your business, but you will pay for it one way or another. But it's your life.
In my case, my wife is my best friend. I like it that way. It gives us a solid foundation and we have been happy together over 20 years. It is very likely that we will stay together for life, and be happy together for life.
What you say about it adding excitement if your wife came at you with a knife isn't what I mean when I mean an unstable kind of love. It actually annoys me when people say cliché things like the best people to have sex with are the crazy ones.
What I mean when I say I've found love in unstable relationships with girls to be more exciting I mean unstable as in they play very hard to get, you don't know when/if they're going to reply to your txts, answer your calls,
I think the expression people use for this sort of thing is being "kept on your toes." It's something that increases the thrill of the chase for me.
Are you ready for the fire? We are firemen. WE ARE FIREMEN! The heat doesn’t bother us. We live in the heat. We train in the heat. It tells us that we’re ready, we’re at home, we’re where we’re supposed to be. Flames don’t intimidate us. What do we do? We control the flame. We control them. We move the flames where we want to. And then we extinguish them.
(July 4, 2015 at 11:27 am)c172 Wrote: I'm sort of stuck in the world of lust. I'm 39 (the big 4-0 in December) and never got around to marrying. I guess I'm a bit of a cynic, there. People my age seem to be divorcing a whole hell of a lot more than, say, my grandparents generation. I find that a bit disconcerting. More than a bit.
Doesn't mean I don't look at pretty girls. Heck, as we know, I like soccer. And much of that soccer is women's. The looks are not lost on me.
But, that's all lust. I wonder what all happens when we all get older and lose our looks. Therein would lie the actual definition of love, methinks. And I can't envision it.
Hence, I feel better single.
Talking about previous generations, my granddad is pretty much the exact opposite to me, him and my grandmother were in the newspaper for being married some ridiculous amount of time, 70 or 60 years maybe. I think they got an email from the queen for it or something along those lines. It sounds like a joke but it's true.
Are you ready for the fire? We are firemen. WE ARE FIREMEN! The heat doesn’t bother us. We live in the heat. We train in the heat. It tells us that we’re ready, we’re at home, we’re where we’re supposed to be. Flames don’t intimidate us. What do we do? We control the flame. We control them. We move the flames where we want to. And then we extinguish them.
At our age (both over 50), we like it "boring"!
It allows us to get on with life doing the little things that make us happy, knowing it's all resting on a solid foundation.
Isn't that ultimately what life is about? To be happy and comfortable with the day to day "little" things.
EG: just got a new transmission for my "other" car, a mustang.
Now I need higher ratio diff gears to make it go even better. She says, you just spent $4,000, you can wait 6 months, besides I need to upgrade my wardrobe first, fair enough?
Yes luv, that's sound fair! (bitch)
(July 4, 2015 at 2:47 pm)Pyrrho Wrote: Love is "A strong feeling of affection." Sometimes people use the term rather loosely. And sometimes people misuse the term when what they are talking about is something else, like pure lust. If you have a really good friendship, that is a form of love.
Sometimes people confuse love with other feelings that are mixed in, which can add to the intensity of the overall feelings one has. For example, starting out with someone can include fear, where one wonders if one is making a mistake. That can add intensity to the overall feelings one has, but is not making the feeling of love stronger or more intense. It is just that one is also feeling fear. If one has not chosen poorly, that feeling of fear is likely to evaporate, and so the overall intensity of feeling is likely to diminish. Some people misinterpret that as meaning that the love has faded, when really it is just that the fear is gone.
Some people really enjoy feeling fear, which is one of the reasons people have enjoyed ghost stories and roller coasters. This also explains why some people are drawn to dangerous people, because they get a thrill from the fear.
My personal preference is for what in the OP is described as "boring," except that I do not stay with my wife because I have been with her "for so long and it's routine now." I stay with her because I love her and I enjoy her company. Sure, it would add excitement if my wife came at me with a knife now and then, but that kind of excitement I can do without. If you want that sort of thing, that is your business, but you will pay for it one way or another. But it's your life.
In my case, my wife is my best friend. I like it that way. It gives us a solid foundation and we have been happy together over 20 years. It is very likely that we will stay together for life, and be happy together for life.
What you say about it adding excitement if your wife came at you with a knife isn't what I mean when I mean an unstable kind of love. It actually annoys me when people say cliché things like the best people to have sex with are the crazy ones.
What I mean when I say I've found love in unstable relationships with girls to be more exciting I mean unstable as in they play very hard to get, you don't know when/if they're going to reply to your txts, answer your calls,
I think the expression people use for this sort of thing is being "kept on your toes." It's something that increases the thrill of the chase for me.
You are mixing in emotions with your idea of the thrill of the chase. The thrill of the chase is a separate feeling from the feeling of love. That is a different example than the one I gave (fear) about a combination of emotions, though your idea may also contain feelings of fear, as one may fear that one will fail in the chase. The thrill of the chase is something one may feel in hunting a deer, but that does not mean that one loves the deer one is hunting.
The extra intensity that you may feel is from a combination of emotions, not in the feeling of love being greater.
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
(July 4, 2015 at 9:27 am)vorlon13 Wrote: How about Misery Love?
example:
you volunteer for a hospice organization, the first thing they tell you in training is to NOT become emotionally attached to the clients, and you go "DUH!!" and then after you've worked with a client for a while and he dies and you're totally miserable for months/years afterward and you know it ISN'T because you fell in love with him because that would have been STUPID and then you're still depressed and miserable, and you're still sure it's not because you're in love with him because you NEVER shared one moment of joy or happiness because he was so sick for so long and it was all horrible and icky and just a fucking nightmare because he was super nice and so was his family and you still can't believe you're in love with him even if he was really handsome and despite his illness he was especially concerned about other people in the hospice program and didn't want anyone making a fuss over him and you're still fucking miserable because you won't fucking admit you fell in love with . . .
Brian.
WoW! Lemme guess, you believe in Santa Claus too?
The word "love" & what it stands for or the way it's defined is unclear! Empathy & compassion have definitions as well. After you check those definitions, I'm sure you will see what you wrote about.
Love, even though there are definitions in dictionaries they are all different because we all see & feel it differently yet very much the same!
We(the human race) have had the greatest minds that ever existed philosophize, argue & debate what is really means.
However, if you think you're "falling in love" with random people.... You should go to a codependent forum instead!!!! *
I don't think love is a binary toggle, like people sometimes make it out to be. I think it's an umbrella term for certain levels of feelings towards people, and at what point you call his "love" will vary from person to person.
As a rule of thumb though, I'd ask you if you'd give your life to save the person. If yes, then that is love.
Feel free to send me a private message.
Please visit my website here! It's got lots of information about atheism/theism and support for new atheists.
July 5, 2015 at 4:00 am (This post was last modified: July 5, 2015 at 4:03 am by bennyboy.)
I think love is an awareness either that someone's existence enriches your life, or that you are needed for their enrichment and have a desire to fulfill that role, or both. The type of enrichment: sexual excitement, maternal protection instincts, a reliable friendship, etc. vary massively.
(July 5, 2015 at 3:18 am)robvalue Wrote: I don't think love is a binary toggle, like people sometimes make it out to be. I think it's an umbrella term for certain levels of feelings towards people, and at what point you call his "love" will vary from person to person.
It will vary from person to person what will be called "love," but that is built into the definition of the term: "A strong feeling of affection." How strong does something have to be to be considered "strong?" Different people are going to arrive at different conclusions on that. Some will speak of "love" when other people would use the term "like." There isn't a precise amount of affection that distinguishes between liking someone and loving someone. (As if one could say, it takes 5 units of affection to be love, and so 4 units of affection is just liking the person!)
(July 5, 2015 at 3:18 am)robvalue Wrote: As a rule of thumb though, I'd ask you if you'd give your life to save the person. If yes, then that is love.
Isn't that really more of a relative value idea? After all, if one is already considering suicide, and then one gives one's life to save someone, one will not have to have much affection for the person one is saving, would one?
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
