Posts: 44155
Threads: 530
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: limericks!
October 9, 2015 at 6:05 pm
Said a winning young lad from Japan
Who wrote verses that just didn't scan:
'I know it's not right,
'Consider my plight -
'I have this weird obsession that makes me want to fill the last line of any limerick with as many syllables as I possibly can.'
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
Posts: 44155
Threads: 530
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: limericks!
October 9, 2015 at 6:13 pm
Almost forgot - this one is from 'Breaker Morant':
There once was a man from Australia
Who painted his arse like a dahlia.
The colour was fine,
Likewise the design.
But the aroma? Phew - THAT was a failya.'
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
Posts: 18510
Threads: 129
Joined: January 19, 2014
Reputation:
91
RE: limericks!
October 10, 2015 at 12:22 am
(This post was last modified: October 10, 2015 at 12:54 am by Alex K.)
Similarities with present company are purely coincidental
There once lived a heathen in Kent
Who died and forgot to repent.
He got sent to Hell
Where he did rather well
Till his ice cream money was spent...
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition
Posts: 3541
Threads: 0
Joined: January 20, 2015
Reputation:
35
RE: limericks!
October 10, 2015 at 5:03 am
A young Jewish virgin named Mary
Was in a position quite scary
In a family way
She decided to say
"I've been fertilized by the Tooth Fairy."
"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one." - George Bernard Shaw
Posts: 3101
Threads: 10
Joined: September 7, 2015
Reputation:
49
RE: limericks!
October 10, 2015 at 5:29 am
(October 10, 2015 at 5:03 am)Homeless Nutter Wrote: A young Jewish virgin named Mary
Was in a position quite scary
In a family way
She decided to say
"I've been fertilized by the Tooth Fairy."
A Christian told me: if you were saved you cant lose your salvation. you're sealed with the Holy Ghost
I replied: Can I refuse? Because I find the entire concept of vicarious blood sacrifice atonement to be morally abhorrent, the concept of holding flawed creatures permanently accountable for social misbehaviors and thought crimes to be morally abhorrent, and the concept of calling something "free" when it comes with the strings of subjugation and obedience perhaps the most morally abhorrent of all... and that's without even going into the history of justifying genocide, slavery, rape, misogyny, religious intolerance, and suppression of free speech which has been attributed by your own scriptures to your deity. I want a refund. I would burn happily rather than serve the monster you profess to love.
Posts: 3101
Threads: 10
Joined: September 7, 2015
Reputation:
49
RE: limericks!
October 10, 2015 at 6:05 am
A Nazarite some called the Lord
Was beaten and nailed to a board
He said he'd return
But we're starting to learn
That we're really just being ignored.
Who cares if the fundies are right
About Dog and his infinite might?
If he'll send us to burn
Because we chose to learn
Then honestly I'd rather fight.
A Christian told me: if you were saved you cant lose your salvation. you're sealed with the Holy Ghost
I replied: Can I refuse? Because I find the entire concept of vicarious blood sacrifice atonement to be morally abhorrent, the concept of holding flawed creatures permanently accountable for social misbehaviors and thought crimes to be morally abhorrent, and the concept of calling something "free" when it comes with the strings of subjugation and obedience perhaps the most morally abhorrent of all... and that's without even going into the history of justifying genocide, slavery, rape, misogyny, religious intolerance, and suppression of free speech which has been attributed by your own scriptures to your deity. I want a refund. I would burn happily rather than serve the monster you profess to love.
Posts: 29107
Threads: 218
Joined: August 9, 2014
Reputation:
155
RE: limericks!
October 10, 2015 at 7:13 am
I went to the doctor and said
"I got this huge axe in my head"
After seeing my condition
It was his position
That I was totally fucking dead
Posts: 44155
Threads: 530
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: limericks!
October 10, 2015 at 8:08 am
A naïve English maiden called Chloe
Asked a Scotsman in finery show-y:
'What's causing that tilt,
'In your well-woven kilt?'
'Gie us yer hand, and I'll show ye.'
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
Posts: 3541
Threads: 0
Joined: January 20, 2015
Reputation:
35
RE: limericks!
October 10, 2015 at 10:08 am
Pope Benedict No. 16
Was never especially clean
When the following pope
Tried to put on his robe
It smelled like a public latrine.
"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one." - George Bernard Shaw
