Are Women in average better Guardians than men?

[drfuzzy]

So yeah, there might be a reason why women usually get custody.  What kind of tests can they give to a male parent to prove that he will not abuse?  What kind of educational and societal change is needed to remove this horrible, pervasive crime from our world?

That's right, because women don't abuse children.  

They do.  I know from personal experience.  But it's almost never sexual.
Better to be beaten to a pulp and screamed at and starved every day than to live with a rapist.

[Thumpalumpacus]

They do.  I know from personal experience.  But it's almost never sexual.
Better to be beaten to a pulp and screamed at and starved every day than to live with a rapist.

And this is the "logic" that courts are using? Is that what you're saying?

[drfuzzy]

They do.  I know from personal experience.  But it's almost never sexual.
Better to be beaten to a pulp and screamed at and starved every day than to live with a rapist.

And this is the "logic" that courts are using? Is that what you're saying?

I don't work in the court system.  I have friends who work as social workers and advocates.  They tell me that the court system hears stories of sexual abuse on a daily basis.  ("I wasn't raping him, your honor, I just fell on top of him.  When we were both naked.  I had an erection, these things happen.")  I'm not saying it's the only logic, I'm saying that it factors in.   

The minute a woman points this out, guys get angry and defensive.  They think we're calling them monsters.   No.  But the monsters are out there.  And it's male voices that need to be fighting against domestic violence and rape.

I'm not saying there aren't good fathers.  I know quite a few. When our society changes, and the courts don't see the 1/3 of children as rape victims, the fathers will have a more equal chance in the courts.

[Thumpalumpacus]

The minute a woman points this out, guys get angry and defensive.  They think we're calling them monsters.   No.  But the monsters are out there.  And it's male voices that need to be fighting against domestic violence and rape.

Men do speak out on those issues. And I'm all for keeping children away from abusive parents of either gender.

The only thing that bugs me when this topic arises is that questioning the narrative often sees the man labeled as "angry" and "defensive".

When our society changes, and the courts don't see the 1/3 of children as rape victims, the fathers will have a more equal chance in the courts.

I highly doubt that custodial decisions are made based on statistical likelihood for abuse.

[drfuzzy]

The minute a woman points this out, guys get angry and defensive.  They think we're calling them monsters.   No.  But the monsters are out there.  And it's male voices that need to be fighting against domestic violence and rape.

Men do speak out on those issues. And I'm all for keeping children away from abusive parents of either gender.

The only thing that bugs me when this topic arises is that questioning the narrative often sees the man labeled as "angry" and "defensive".

When our society changes, and the courts don't see the 1/3 of children as rape victims, the fathers will have a more equal chance in the courts.

I highly doubt that custodial decisions are made based on statistical likelihood for abuse.

Hey, I'm not attacking here.  I'm only pointing out what I see.  
I did read your response to my post as defensive.  But then, men and woman have different conversational patterns, and we interpret things very differently. 
In general, we seem to be on the same page here.  Neither of us want to see children in danger from either parent, or any other guardian.  And any time I meet a guy who is willing to speak out against violence and the pervasive culture that causes it, he gets a little imaginary halo over his head in my book.

I don't think that judges sit and weigh out any population statistic either.  But I think that they're human, they have to be influenced by what they deal with every day.  I think they look at past history from each parent, and the testimony of family members, and then just choose.

What do you think the custodial decisions are based on?

[Thumpalumpacus]

Men do speak out on those issues. And I'm all for keeping children away from abusive parents of either gender.

The only thing that bugs me when this topic arises is that questioning the narrative often sees the man labeled as "angry" and "defensive".


I highly doubt that custodial decisions are made based on statistical likelihood for abuse.

Hey, I'm not attacking here.  I'm only pointing out what I see.  
I did read your response to my post as defensive.  But then, men and woman have different conversational patterns, and we interpret things very differently. 
In general, we seem to be on the same page here.  Neither of us want to see children in danger from either parent, or any other guardian.  And any time I meet a guy who is willing to speak out against violence and the pervasive culture that causes it, he gets a little imaginary halo over his head in my book.

I don't think that judges sit and weigh out any population statistic either.  But I think that they're human, they have to be influenced by what they deal with every day.  I think they look at past history from each parent, and the testimony of family members, and then just choose.

What do you think the custodial decisions are based on?

Individual qualities, of course. At least, that's how it was in my own custody battle, where I successfully defended my paternal rights.

[Cecelia]

On average, yes. I'd say women make better guardians than men. That doesn't mean there aren't a lot of great fathers, or a lot of terrible mothers out there. Women tend to spend more time with their children than men do. That's just going by average. There's plenty of fathers who spend more time with their kids than the mother. My husband spends more time with our kids than I do. It's a gap that's closing.

[Jenny A]

Absent any signs of abuse or neglect on the part of either parent, primary custody is likely to go to the parent who has been doing most of the parenting. As that parent is usually (not always) the mother, she's most likely to get primary custody.

[ErGingerbreadMandude]

I've heard stories about women faking their love for their children in the court and gaining custody just so they can fuck with the guy's mind and mentally break him down.

[robvalue]

Even if women have been shown on average to be better/safer parents, I think it's horrendous profiling to apply that principle instead of just examining each individual case.

It would be like turning all women down for the army because on average they are weaker.

I agree, working things out is always preferable. By the time it gets to the courts, it's already getting ugly. But I can understand the need, when one party is being ridiculous.