Polygamy vs. Communal Living

[rexbeccarox]

In between reading threads started by people with some serious anger issues/ superiority complexes/ Dunning Kruger, for the past couple of days I've been nursing my sore muscles and marathoning Big Love on HBO, a series about a polygamous family who have three houses connected by their backyards, and roots in the FLDS church.

As some of you know, the FLDS became what it is, mostly, because the LDS (mormons) began denying the sanctity of polygamy (or more accurately: polygyny), formerly a major tenet of their belief system. The FLDS, IRL, is led by their prophet Warren Jeffs who is now in prison on about a million counts of child molestation, among other things. They're known for forcibly marrying fourteen-year-olds to eighty-year-olds who already have twenty wives.

The FLDS ideas aside, Big Love is interesting, in that the family is fairly well-off, and regardless of their polygamous lifestyle, they attempt to pass off a "mainstream" LDS life in Salt Lake City. In the show, they're constantly trying to throw neighbors, officials, etc. off the scent of their polygamy to the point where it causes rifts in their relationships. They also make it a point to tell us that the husband is only legally married to the first wife.

I don't understand the problem/ illegality of this: if he's only legally married to one person, what's wrong with the way they live? Why are they always watching their own backs? Communes aren't illegal, as far as I know, or am I missing something? I also think polygamy should be legal for consenting adults, but that's beyond the scope of what I'm asking here.

In this scenario, which isn't all that uncommon, what is the difference between polygamy and communal living?

Anyone who has watched the show: please no spoilers! I'm only through season one

[Joods]

Watch Sister Wives on TLC. Kody has four wives and now 20 children. They live in four separate houses in the same cul-de-sac in Utah. I personally like the show. Would I ever want that for myself? No. But if the dynamic fits their family, I say leave them alone. None of the wives are children. All are in their 30's or 40's. The wives get along seemingly well and they each have a special ring for one another, outside of the wedding bands they all wear.

[Catholic_Lady]

Maybe they're trying to "throw them off" not because what they are doing is illegal (since it isn't), but because they're worried about being looked down on? Never seen the show, so that's only my best guess.

[AFTT47]

As long as everyone involved is consenting adults, I don't see a problem. Of course LDS has a history with non-consenting, under-age girls so outsiders are going to be suspicious. Then of course, there is the Christian Right and their intolerance for any relationship outside of one man, one woman.

[vorlon13]

It's my understanding that without welfare the FLDS system wouldn't work. I think the secondary wives are encouraged to apply.

As for LDS, their sacred tomes still extol the praises of multiple wifeys, the only impediment currently is a little executive fiat that could be easily disavowed by subsequent church poobahs.

Curiously, the original original revelation conferring polygamy upon the Mormons was only operative in regards to Native American women, so that their offspring would be more white and more delightful. And they could only be secondary wives.

Brigham Young tried a couple of them but found them lacking and he abandoned them in Council Bluffs, IA when he ran off the Utah. Despite receiving the revelation directly from God, Joseph Smith found the revelation, as received, to be imperfect and after some further tinkering, he managed to overhaul God's Word into something he thought he could use. To date, no one has found any Native American wives in Old Horny Joe's harem.

[Minimalist]

One wife is enough trouble.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I'm pretty sure than polygamy differs from communal living, in that a communal arrangement doesn't necessarily involve sex or marriage. When I was at uni, I shared a house with eight other people of assorted genders. While I can't say that there were no hook-ups (it was none of my business), but I never had sex with anyone in the house. But it was 'communal' in the truest sense of the word - we all shared resources and responsibilities to keep the house running.

Boru

[rexbeccarox]

Maybe they're trying to "throw them off" not because what they are doing is illegal (since it isn't), but because they're worried about being looked down on? Never seen the show, so that's only my best guess.

Well, there's definitely an aspect of that: being worried about being shunned by their non-polygamous peers, but there's more in the script about the legality of the whole thing.

I'm pretty sure than polygamy differs from communal living, in that a communal arrangement doesn't necessarily involve sex or marriage. When I was at uni, I shared a house with eight other people of assorted genders. While I can't say that there were no hook-ups (it was none of my business), but I never had sex with anyone in the house. But it was 'communal' in the truest sense of the word - we all shared resources and responsibilities to keep the house running.

Boru

Of course, that's one way of living communally, but surely not the only legal way.

[drfuzzy]

Ok well . . . I doubt my questions about these types of situations will be popular. I was raised religious, very sheltered, with a right-wing view of family drilled into my head. I'm fine with my same-sex friends who have adopted children. I have no problem with mixed race or mixed religion couples, all ideas that would make my parent's heads explode.

          But when I see a "family" that is a man with four wives and 20 children, I ask:  1) good grief, is he a millionaire?  Who is paying for all of this?  2) How in the world does he give proper attention to his kids?  How does each child learn that Daddy loves him/her and thinks they are special?  And probably the biggest question: 3) How can he even claim to love each of the women?  He likes the sex, sure.  He probably would think life was perfect if they were all deaf-mutes, and he didn't have to learn their names.

-- And why do we not see a female with more than one husband?  Surely it would be allowed now.  Women can have jobs, own property, etc.  
I think that these situations intrinsically devalue women.  I think that one of the reasons that you don't see multiple husbands is that the guys wouldn't even consider sharing.  They're in competition, the one who wins gets the sex slave, the loser has to go get his own.

I'm a fan of monogamy.  At the very least, serial monogamy, as a tip of my hat to friends who got divorced and are now in a better place because of it.  I can't imagine true devotion to more than one partner.

[Catholic_Lady]

That's weird. I don't see why it would be illegal to live with and have sex with multiple woman who have your kids. He's only legally married to one, so I don't see why the rest is illegal.