My heart is breaking... I thought Christians are suppose to love "unconditionally"

[Whateverist]

Consider yourself lucky.  You don't have to go through a divorce and lose most of your stuff.  The longer you whine about her the longer you will be unhappy.  So forget her and move on to someone better.  There are millions available.  So bury the relationship and start looking.

I can understand your advice. I am still lucky to be in this stage now than later. However, she's not one of those who knows the Bible inside out or one that goes out on missions and preach the gospel. She admits she's consider herself not a strong believer yet. That's why I want to hope that she can be one of those wives with non-believer husbands (which they exist, she and I even know a family in our community). This gives me hope. If she can be like that lady, it'll be the greatest solution for me but I need ideas how to get her to be like that.

Hey, if you really like her and you think there is hope I'd encourage you to take more chances. Don't hold back from telling her how it makes you feel when she draws back from you. Also be up front about the challenges of a relationship where religious beliefs are so different. Tell her you also would never want to be with someone who wouldn't value your wishes on account of that difference. But also tell her you would want to go on respecting her feelings even if you had kids. Most of all let her know you can understand if your lost faith is enough reason for her to want to look elsewhere. The more clearly you can say that and mean it, the more likely she is to want to find a way to make it work. But if she takes you up on it and leaves at least you have a clean break and no regrets later, right?

[Whateverist]

Consider yourself lucky.  You don't have to go through a divorce and lose most of your stuff.  The longer you whine about her the longer you will be unhappy.  So forget her and move on to someone better.  There are millions available.  So bury the relationship and start looking.

Truly, your empathetic and sympathetic nature is inspiring.

Spoken like the mistress of sarcasm I know you can be .. but you make that look so good.


But I agree.  I would never council anyone to cast away what their heart wants so callously.  To do so would be violence to oneself.

[Wyrd of Gawd]

There are very few xtians who will partner with an atheist.  The xtian belief system teaches that atheists will burn in hell for all eternity.  If your GF believes that, then she would constantly have to try to bring you back into the xtian fold, to save you from her god's eternal judgment for not believing he exists.  If she rejects you for your lack of belief, then it's not going to work.

My personal experience of xtian "unconditional love" is that it only applies to xtians who believe exactly the same things they do.  Everybody else on the planet can burn.

I've never thought of it that way.   I thought love means love and not only to the same believers as you are :/

Consider yourself lucky.  You don't have to go through a divorce and lose most of your stuff.  The longer you whine about her the longer you will be unhappy.  So forget her and move on to someone better.  There are millions available.  So bury the relationship and start looking.

I can understand your advice. I am still lucky to be in this stage now than later. However, she's not one of those who knows the Bible inside out or one that goes out on missions and preach the gospel. She admits she's consider herself not a strong believer yet. That's why I want to hope that she can be one of those wives with non-believer husbands (which they exist, she and I even know a family in our community). This gives me hope. If she can be like that lady, it'll be the greatest solution for me but I need ideas how to get her to be like that.

It's impossible to get anyone to change their minds.  As a case in point you won't change yours so why do you expect her to change hers?  If you frame the situation differently you may see other options that will give you acceptable outcomes.  But your current situation is a dead horse.  It's not going to move.

Realize that even if you do reach an agreement and are able to move forward the original problem will still exist and will never be resolved.  It will always be a source of conflict.

She has clearly stated that this issue is a deal-breaker.  Accept it and find someone else before you get any older.  Millions of other women will accept your religious views without any problem but they will get pissed off about something else that might be easier to deal with.  

Don' have hope that someone will fulfill your fantasy.  Work on fulfilling your fantasy about what you want to be.  You are the only person you can control so make yourself happy with yourself.  You may find someone who will tolerate you if you give up the idea of controlling her.  You aren't letting her control you so stop trying to control her.

[athrock]

There are very few xtians who will partner with an atheist.  The xtian belief system teaches that atheists will burn in hell for all eternity.  If your GF believes that, then she would constantly have to try to bring you back into the xtian fold, to save you from her god's eternal judgment for not believing he exists.  If she rejects you for your lack of belief, then it's not going to work.

My personal experience of xtian "unconditional love" is that it only applies to xtians who believe exactly the same things they do.  Everybody else on the planet can burn.

What you have written is completely untrue.

Christians do not universally believe that atheists will burn in hell for all eternity. Sure, some do, but the two largest groups of Christianity (Catholicism and Orthodoxy) do not teach this, and they combine to form the overwhelming majority.

Yes, xtians are taught to love, but just because they try to love you (and not just one another) it does not mean that they will be willing to marry a non-believer because they hold that the two become one flesh and the scriptures are clear that they should not marry someone to whom they unequally yoked in terms of faith.

[Minimalist]

Um....

[b]Pope Eugene IV: "The most Holy Roman Church firmly believes, professes and preaches that none of those existing outside the Catholic Church, not only pagans, but also Jews and heretics and schismatics, can have a share in life eternal; but that they will go into the eternal fire which was prepared for the devil and his angels, unless before death they are joined with Her; and that so important is the unity of this ecclesiastical body that only those remaining within this unity can profit by the sacraments of the Church unto salvation, and they alone can receive an eternal recompense for their fasts, their almsgivings, their other works of Christian piety and the duties of a Christian soldier. No one, let his almsgiving be as great as it may, no one, even if he pour out his blood for the Name of Christ, can be saved, unless he remain within the bosom and the unity of the Catholic Church." From his Bull Cantate Domino, 1441.) [/b]

There is a reason they call it "bull" you know.

[drfuzzy]

There are very few xtians who will partner with an atheist.  The xtian belief system teaches that atheists will burn in hell for all eternity.  If your GF believes that, then she would constantly have to try to bring you back into the xtian fold, to save you from her god's eternal judgment for not believing he exists.  If she rejects you for your lack of belief, then it's not going to work.

My personal experience of xtian "unconditional love" is that it only applies to xtians who believe exactly the same things they do.  Everybody else on the planet can burn.

What you have written is completely untrue.

Christians do not universally believe that atheists will burn in hell for all eternity. Sure, some do, but the two largest groups of Christianity (Catholicism and Orthodoxy) do not teach this, and they combine to form the overwhelming majority.

Yes, xtians are taught to love, but just because they try to love you (and not just one another) it does not mean that they will be willing to marry a non-believer because they hold that the two become one flesh and the scriptures are clear that they should not marry someone to whom they unequally yoked in terms of faith.

It's certainly not untrue in my experience.  I work for a Catholic Church.  They clearly and regularly teach that non-Catholics (that means Protestants as well) will go to hell.  Yes, I know many members of more mainstream churches that don't believe hell exists.  These are the ones that will also tell me that they believe the Bible is mostly allegory.  It is heartening to see those numbers grow.  They still look at me like I have lost my freaking mind if I tell them than I'm an atheist though.

[Cecelia]

Some people need their partner to share their belief. If she cannot accept you for who you are, then she's not really worth the time because she doesn't really love you. If you think she's worth it, then you should talk to her and see if you can explain to her why you believe the way you do, and why it doesn't change your opinion of her.

When I told my husband I no longer believed, he accepted it, but it was a process. He sat and heard me out. Hopefully your girlfriend will be willing to do the same, but if she isn't then as I said she's probably not worth it.

[Wyrd of Gawd]

Consider yourself lucky.  You don't have to go through a divorce and lose most of your stuff.  The longer you whine about her the longer you will be unhappy.  So forget her and move on to someone better.  There are millions available.  So bury the relationship and start looking.

Truly, your empathetic and sympathetic nature is inspiring.

I was in a good mood till I read that whine and then it pissed me off.  You can't force anyone to love you.  The guy doesn't meet the woman's criteria and she told him so.  He should accept it and move on and stop trying to control her.  He won't change his mind to give her what she wants so why does he expect her to change her mind to please him?  

While we don't like to regard people as throwaways most modern Americans go through at least 16 relationships and even then may not find someone who is fully agreeable.  By trying to cling to her he's only pissing her off and making himself unhappy.  And it's a downer to continue to read about it because the guy won't act as an adult.

[Brakeman]

I've always thought Christians are suppose to be able to learn "unconditionally" no matter what their partner suddenly believes in as long as he doesn't become violent or abusive or try to force something they don't want to do. In our case, all I want from her is to respect my lack of belief.

 Understand her true point of view.

[Brakeman]

Reiterate that you are not rejecting god, but you just can't verify he exists.