My heart is breaking... I thought Christians are suppose to love "unconditionally"

[brewer]

I'm married to a catholic. Kind of a cafeteria one, picks and chooses what parts she chooses to believe. We have found a place of compromise that works for both of us. There are far more important aspects to a relationship than gods or religions.

4 years does not a lifetime make. I know it hurts, but this is not a good sign. Using sex/emotions as a manipulation tool is no way to settle differences.

As far as unconditional love goes I'm not sure I believe in it or at least it's very rare. Parent/child is the closest one I most often recognize. The love between my wife and I is conditional.

[Wyrd of Gawd]

Wow I had no idea you were such an expert, Wyrd!

Flattery will get you nowhere.

Proverbs 7:21 (CEB) = "She seduces him with all her talk. She entices him with her flattery."

[MTL]

most religious people (not all, but in my experience, the vast majority) practice their religion in a way
that tends to be very misguided, convoluted or disingenuous...when you finally get down to brass tacks.

It is a painful wake up call, to say the least, to experience it for the first time,
and your brain wants to reject the reality,
because it's the opposite of everything you've be taught to believe about religion.

Faith in God isn't really the problem.

Religion (dogma) is the problem.

I don't mind someone simply believing in God...


...but unless they can PROVE that THEIR particular set of beliefs ABOUT God is "the right one",
then they shouldn't pass it off as "Truth" to anyone else.

This is why I have no problem with Deism, per se,

...but I have a huge problem with other Religions.

In my experience, there are very few xtians who have it right about Christ, in the first place,
and therefore even fewer who could really tolerate having a non-xtian,
much less an Atheist, for a partner.

there ARE couples who fundamentally disagree on important issues,
but love each other enough, and are open-minded and non-judgmental enough to make it work:

Consider James Carville and his wife of 22 years, Mary Matalin.

He is a staunch Democrat, and is a former adviser to Bill Clinton,
and she is a staunch and active Republican.

How their marriage worked, after all these years, I have no idea,
but it certainly bears thinking about.

However, as incredible as that is,
it is POLITICS...based in the Earthly realm.

It is not RELIGION...professing to be God's Law, and therefore unavoidable and unassailable.

My point is that it is POSSIBLE for fundamentally, diametrically-opposed couples to make it work,
but the Carvilles are the most extreme example that comes to mind...
...and even THAT isn't an example that included Religion....only mere Politics.

I fear you will hurt for some time, yet...maybe years.

Being Atheist is, ironically, rather a cross to bear, at times.

I sympathize, and hope everything works out for you.

[Wyrd of Gawd]

It hurts, but I'm hurt to: http://atheistforums.org/thread-40404.html

Losty is ignoring me.

All jokes aside. You should take it that people are attached to God. It's a phenomenon in the world. People are attached to God and hate people detaching themselves from him.

In fact the most people they love are people they believe were closest to God like his chosen Prophets or Mary, mother of Jesus.

You should try to understand their point of view. You may not agree with it but something you should tolerate and with forbearance and patience understand.

God belief is not a "phenomenon". It is a result of our species notorious false perceptions. Science does explain in very mundane natural terms why people make up gods and believe in them. The God Delusion is one of those books. Victor Stenger in two books explains why god is a failed hypothesis in "God The Failed Hypothesis" and "The New Atheism"/

Life does not always have time to asses and test, cognitive life evolved to make very quick decisions. The antelope on the African plane doesn't have time to asses if the swaying grass is merely the wind, or a lion stalking it. And our species as well gap fills in much the same way. It is also why you can walk into a clean glass door because your brain is subconsciously filling in the gap that there is no door there. For early humans the world was scary, so seeing death of others by nature, lead humans to think the volcano was either a god itself or being controlled by a human like deity.. The first gods were earthy and animal like or of nature like a volcano, or storm or wind. Later they became more human many with animal features.

The Bible explains why people believe in gods.  The short answer is that they are stupid.

As it says in Wisdom 14:15-20 (CEB) = https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se...ersion=CEB

[dyresand]

God belief is not a "phenomenon". It is a result of our species notorious false perceptions. Science does explain in very mundane natural terms why people make up gods and believe in them. The God Delusion is one of those books. Victor Stenger in two books explains why god is a failed hypothesis in "God The Failed Hypothesis" and "The New Atheism"/

Life does not always have time to asses and test, cognitive life evolved to make very quick decisions. The antelope on the African plane doesn't have time to asses if the swaying grass is merely the wind, or a lion stalking it. And our species as well gap fills in much the same way. It is also why you can walk into a clean glass door because your brain is subconsciously filling in the gap that there is no door there. For early humans the world was scary, so seeing death of others by nature, lead humans to think the volcano was either a god itself or being controlled by a human like deity.. The first gods were earthy and animal like or of nature like a volcano, or storm or wind. Later they became more human many with animal features.

The Bible explains why people believe in gods.  The short answer is that they are stupid.

As it says in Wisdom 14:15-20 (CEB) = https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se...ersion=CEB

[kmthang]

I'm married to a catholic. Kind of a cafeteria one, picks and chooses what parts she chooses to believe. We have found a place of compromise that works for both of us. There are far more important aspects to a relationship than gods or religions.

4 years does not a lifetime make. I know it hurts, but this is not a good sign. Using sex/emotions as a manipulation tool is no way to settle differences.

As far as unconditional love goes I'm not sure I believe in it or at least it's very rare. Parent/child is the closest one I most often recognize. The love between my wife and I is conditional.

Yeah, people like you are the reason which prevents me from ending our story right away. The reason I have hope that things can work out or even better, she will come to think logically. If somehow we can be like you guys are, it'll be enough for me :/ Just this whole day I was thinking about this and I'm thinking that I should try to keep christianity as my cultural thing (ie, go to churches etc, participate, even though I admit to them openly than I'm not 100% a believer). I'm considering this because I think christian prefer the term 'weak believers' then 'atheists'. Thanks a lot for your responses everyone. I've always thought I'm a normal average person who'll find love and get marry and have kids and not have to deal with things similar to one of those on the news or in movies. This is really a shock to me.

I'll probably go see her after new years and see if she's still being bogged by this differences we came to have.

[Wyrd of Gawd]

I'm married to a catholic. Kind of a cafeteria one, picks and chooses what parts she chooses to believe. We have found a place of compromise that works for both of us. There are far more important aspects to a relationship than gods or religions.

4 years does not a lifetime make. I know it hurts, but this is not a good sign. Using sex/emotions as a manipulation tool is no way to settle differences.

As far as unconditional love goes I'm not sure I believe in it or at least it's very rare. Parent/child is the closest one I most often recognize. The love between my wife and I is conditional.

Yeah, people like you are the reason which prevents me from ending our story right away. The reason I have hope that things can work out or even better, she will come to think logically. If somehow we can be like you guys are, it'll be enough for me :/ Just this whole day I was thinking about this and I'm thinking that I should try to keep christianity as my cultural thing (ie, go to churches etc, participate, even though I admit to them openly than I'm not 100% a believer). I'm considering this because I think christian prefer the term 'weak believers' then 'atheists'. Thanks a lot for your responses everyone. I've always thought I'm a normal average person who'll find love and get marry and have kids and not have to deal with things similar to one of those on the news or in movies. This is really a shock to me.

I'll probably go see her after new years and see if she's still being bogged by this differences we came to have.

Here's a thought to keep in mind:  Even if you do get together because neither of you have anything better to do don't expect it to last because from what you've said she really isn't into it.  You might even get married but she will eventually kick you to the curb.  Then what?

When you are in a relationship the other person will always tell you the truth, either through words or actions. You just have to take off the blinders and see what you're being told.  When someone tells you that they don't want to be with you through words or actions believe them; they are not lying.  Only you can deceive yourself.

[robvalue]

People do overreact, though. It may be that given a little time, she will think things through and realise she is being ridiculous.

Or, she may not. In which case, she is (in my opinion) very difficult to have an honest relationship with. I'm all for compromise, but not for having to pretend to be someone you're not or to pretend you believe things that you don't.

My wife firmly believes in certain things that she knows full well I think are total bullshit. But we simply agree that these differences don't matter. There are some fundamental differences which can be overcome, and some which can't. There are certain beliefs people could hold which would make me not want to be in a relationship with them. I'm honest and up front about them from the start.

[thesummerqueen]

Flattery will get you nowhere.

Proverbs 7:21 (CEB) = "She seduces him with all her talk. She entices him with her flattery."

"Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself." -Dale Carnegie

[Brian37]

To the OP, you really need to consider, that your belief is not based on fact, but desire. We make the same exact arguments to Christianity, Jewish and should as well Hinduism and Buddhism. We are one species, and there is no magic to life. Atheists are not evil, and we are not advocating doom and gloom. We can and do value human rights and we do see good in humanity, and we do have just as much ups and downs as everyone else. We simply don't assign any of this to the divine or a deity.

What you are going through with this girl is the same rejection I went through as a teen and young adult facing rejection. Nobody likes rejection, and being young and full of hormones is hell on your brain and body when you don't understand biologically what is really going on.

It really will be ok if you give up on your religion. The good news is that there is no hell to burn in and no god to punish you. You will feel lots better once you realize you don't have to defend that antiquated book. And again, this is not an argument we make to just Muslims, but all religions.

You can still live a good life and find happiness, no, that does not mean you wont have hardship, but it simply means you don't have to face the superstition of a cosmic Big Brother. My bluntess isn't to be mean but to get you to consider you really are needlessly scaring yourself for no good reason.