Advice on interaction with religious followers

[qwerty]

Hi all, am somewhat new to atheistic views and as a result am somewhat unsure of the way to go about discussing the topic of atheism and my opinions with others who have a strong belief in god, creation etc.

An example of this is that i have a couple of good friends whose familys are religious christians despite the facth they are quite educated and knowledgeable people (one's father is an engineer and the other is a medical doctor). If I have dinner with their family they always give thanks/pray before they eat, which in my eyes is pointless, despite this I still sit there and go along with it because I don't want to be rude or seem insensitive.

What advice can people give on how to deal with situations like this? Is it better to just sit back and say nothing to avoid conflict or to stand up for my views?

[Minimalist]

Invite them to dinner at your house and just dig in.

I agree, politeness at their home requires sitting there silently while they waste their fucking time and their food gets cold.

[The Omnissiunt One]

You can't do any good by saying, 'No, I shall not pray! You can't make me! I'll be in the other room while you practice your primitive rituals that offend my rational skepticism!' All that'd do is attract bad feeling. They'd probably throw holy water at you or something. So, basically, just grin and bear it. Like our Lord Jesus did.

[Cego_Colher]

Yeah, that's all you can do. BTW, Welcome, if you decide to stick around.

[Paul the Human]

I agree. The best thing you can do is sit quietly and allow them to pray if they wish. So long as they don't try to force you to join them, they are doing you no harm. Pretending to pray along with them doesn't do you any harm, either... but it isn't really fair, is it? Every situation is different. Sometimes, admitting that you lack belief in their god can make people angry... and ruin familial relations. It is up to each individual which is more important... their beliefs or their family.

For example, my parents know that I do not believe in their god and they are not happy about it. If and when the topic of religion comes up, I bite my tongue and/or politely refuse to comment. I do this to avoid the hard feelings such a discussion would generate. Luckily, they show me the same respect (most of the time) and rarely bring such things up around me. We may not respect each other's beliefs, but we do respect each other's right to believe as we wish. That's about the best you can hope for, I think. Civil coexistence.

[LastPoet]

Agreed, "In Rome, be Roman". Although, here people don't have the habit of saying grace, even the most hardcore.

As for me, with my family, the subject is avoided, never really had harsh discussions about it, but they know I'll drop the hammer, and by the end of it, they will be covering their ears saying "lalala, I can't ear you". So yeah, no talkie about it, instead, a nice talk about something more real, wich, is all I want.

[TheDarkestOfAngels]

Hi all, am somewhat new to atheistic views and as a result am somewhat unsure of the way to go about discussing the topic of atheism and my opinions with others who have a strong belief in god, creation etc.

An example of this is that i have a couple of good friends whose familys are religious christians despite the facth they are quite educated and knowledgeable people (one's father is an engineer and the other is a medical doctor). If I have dinner with their family they always give thanks/pray before they eat, which in my eyes is pointless, despite this I still sit there and go along with it because I don't want to be rude or seem insensitive.

What advice can people give on how to deal with situations like this? Is it better to just sit back and say nothing to avoid conflict or to stand up for my views?

I think your first instinct was spot on.
Remember, others are perfectly welcome to their own views on things and are perfectly happy believing what they want to believe just as you are able to. It really just common courtesy to let them do their thing. I'm not saying you should lie to them at any point, but it's rude to provoke them after inviting them into their home for a decent evening of dinner and polite company.

If things end up coming to a discussion of religion and specifically your views on matters of faith, you should be up front about it, but don't go there just to push your ideas on others - it wouldn't matter what faith or idea you have, but putting them out when they're not welcome is rude.

If you really don't want to engage in prayer, then don't, but don't make a scene and absolutely let them undertake whatever traditions they're accustomed to.
The point is to not be confrontational.

The time to discuss your views on religion is only when they want to engage you on religion - either directly or perhaps in a group discussion. Remember, these people are friends and family and friends of family, and forcing your beliefs others, regardless of your faith or lack of faith, is never welcome out of context.

This, at least, is how I approach dinners with my family, extended family, and friends... so forth.

[Godhead]

I rememeber years ago when I was walking down the street with a friend (who's a christian but he never really talks about it) and we bumped into an acquaintance of his. She was a real religious type, and we had a brief chat, and at the end she insisted that we all hold hands in a circle while she prayed. I found it embarassing but I'm glad I went along with it because I just found it so funny to just stand there, with loads of peopel walking past, and closing our eyes while she prayed. I look back on it with humour. I could have refused but I the ridiculousness of the situation just tickled me. If it happened again I'd probably say no but at the end of the day it's just harmless fun.

Another time, with the same friend, we walked into one of those strange makeshift churches on the high street run by africans (he wanted to chat with someone there briefly) and we ended up in there for 3 hours (don't ask, it just happened...one thing led to another). It was the most boring three hours of my life. The preacherman preaching forever, people getting in circles and closing their eyes while one of them praised the lord, the whole package. It was torture. But, like with the other situation, I look upon it as a funny life experience. The sheer ludicrousness of it all just makes me laugh.

And another friend of mine is a JW, and I popped along with him to kingdom hall for a laugh. The people there were extremely friendly and some of them were pretty cool. I don't agree with their beliefs but I think it's good to hang out with religious folk and take a glimpse into their world. As far as interacting with religious people, or actually anyone who believes differently, the most important factor, above pretty much anything else, is communication and the ability to get on regardless of beliefs or points of view.

To me, that is the height of covilization. That, and correct spelling. Excuse me, I'm having a drink or two.

[lrh9]

I generally don't interact.

I don't tell them what I think unless they ask, because quite frankly I don't want to hear what they think and they don't want to hear what I think.

I don't participate in religious activities. If it means hurt feelings so be it. (I didn't stand, bow my head, or pray at my cousin's celebration of life when a preacher conducted a prayer.)

If someone held out their hand for me to pray at a dinner table I would say 'No, thank you.' and if they insisted I would recuse myself from the table until the prayer was finished.

If an issue was made of it I would just leave. Regardless of how helpless you may think you are you never ever have to accept mistreatment. There are always other options.

[Godhead]

lrh9 -

Mistreatment? That's a bit of an exaggeration. No one is mistreating you if all they're doing is what they always do.