Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Joods]

That is the unmistakable fashion sense of the 80's lol

[Thumpalumpacus]

They were a great, and largely unheralded, band -- fantastic musicianship, lyrics that bounced between the resonant and the absurd, and a sound that while perhaps dated still has so much melodicism.

And Dale's a hottie, even in 80s armor-plate duds. Good lord, those legs!

[Edwardo Piet]

CIJS...
I don't like it when my friends suffer.  

Same.

[robvalue]

CIJSAIJBH: I feel totally and utterly ashamed of myself. I'm so sorry. I hate myself right now and it will take me a while to process what I did. I regret it completely. You are a very, very kind person to forgive me. I am so relieved you are willing to wipe the slate clean as if it never happened. Because it should never have happened. It wasn't me. It was a scary, alternate, unbalanced version of me.

It did give me a strange kind of insight which I'll share below.

---

I made some statements and accusations. I did so when I was extremely emotional and upset. I wasn't thinking straight. I even began by saying I was so upset that I wasn't thinking straight. Why did I even continue past that point?

I didn't mean the things I said, now that I'm back in my right mind. They were garbage. It was some combination of a mental break due to an extremely stressful situation that had occured, and my depression cashing in on my vulnerable state. It's no excuse. I take responsibility, and I apologise profusely.

The insight came when it was time to defend what I had said. It was rightly called out as bullshit. But in my weird state of mind, I still believed what I had said. I started to say things to defend it. But I could see right away, what I was saying wasn't making sense. I felt I had to defend the accusations, because they were true, so there must be valid reasoning behind them. I was manufacturing this reasoning on the fly, I now realise. Even rewriting my own memories of events to try and make them fit.

I felt extremely uncomfortable. Why did my rationalizations feel so bogus? Because they were rationalisations. They weren't real reasons. It was at this point I felt extreme cognitive dissonance, and then finally snapped out of it. What the hell had I been saying? There was one genuine grievance which turned out to be a misunderstanding. I had one extremely small grievance which I'd blown out of all proportion. And then there was some absolutely untrue statements which I am embarrassed that I could have made.

It gave me insight because I found myself in the mind of a religious theist. I was partly off in a fantasy land, which couldn't be justified. But I had to justify it, because it was true, as far as I was concerned. So I was just saying anything. Anything which made it sound a bit like my conclusions were reasonable. I guess all my years of tearing apart such hopeless attempts kicked in, and made me realise what I was doing. But I really scared myself that I was capable of covering up garbage with more garbage like that. I can't imagine how much more magnified it must be when you have beliefs drilled into you from birth. It was easier to make up one more bit of nonsense than it was to consider my entire position was nonsense.

Thanks for reading, for anyone who got this far. I'm so sorry again. That was a side of myself I've very rarely seen, and I hope never to see again. All I can do now is learn from it, to prevent it ever reoccurring.

---

[LadyForCamus]

CIJSAIJBH: I feel totally and utterly ashamed of myself. I'm so sorry. I hate myself right now and it will take me a while to process what I did. I regret it completely. You are a very, very kind person to forgive me. I am so relieved you are willing to wipe the slate clean as if it never happened. Because it should never have happened. It wasn't me. It was a scary, alternate, unbalanced version of me.

It did give me a strange kind of insight which I'll share below.

---

I made some statements and accusations. I did so when I was extremely emotional and upset. I wasn't thinking straight. I even began by saying I was so upset that I wasn't thinking straight. Why did I even continue past that point?

I didn't mean the things I said, now that I'm back in my right mind. They were garbage. It was some combination of a mental break due to an extremely stressful situation that had occured, and my depression cashing in on my vulnerable state. It's no excuse. I take responsibility, and I apologise profusely.

The insight came when it was time to defend what I had said. It was rightly called out as bullshit. But in my weird state of mind, I still believed what I had said. I started to say things to defend it. But I could see right away, what I was saying wasn't making sense. I felt I had to defend the accusations, because they were true, so there must be valid reasoning behind them. I was manufacturing this reasoning on the fly, I now realise. Even rewriting my own memories of events to try and make them fit.

I felt extremely uncomfortable. Why did my rationalizations feel so bogus? Because they were rationalisations. They weren't real reasons. It was at this point I felt extreme cognitive dissonance, and then finally snapped out of it. What the hell had I been saying? There was one genuine grievance which turned out to be a misunderstanding. I had one extremely small grievance which I'd blown out of all proportion. And then there was some absolutely untrue statements which I am embarrassed that I could have made.

It gave me insight because I found myself in the mind of a religious theist. I was partly off in a fantasy land, which couldn't be justified. But I had to justify it, because it was true, as far as I was concerned. So I was just saying anything. Anything which made it sound a bit like my conclusions were reasonable. I guess all my years of tearing apart such hopeless attempts kicked in, and made me realise what I was doing. But I really scared myself that I was capable of covering up garbage with more garbage like that. I can't imagine how much more magnified it must be when you have beliefs drilled into you from birth. It was easier to make up one more bit of nonsense than it was to consider my entire position was nonsense.

Thanks for reading, for anyone who got this far. I'm so sorry again. That was a side of myself I've very rarely seen, and I hope never to see again. All I can do now is learn from it, to prevent it ever reoccurring.

---

Not sure what this is about, Rob...but don't beat yourself up too much okay? Even the most rational and reasonable of us can get clouded up sometimes. It happens. Our fallibility is part of our humanity. We will always fuck up. The important thing is that you recognized it and its consequences, and that you can move forward in a productive and meaningful way. You short yourself SO much credit. I'm sure everything will be okay. Lots of love. [emoji8]

[Thumpalumpacus]

Rob, in the depths of my alcoholism, I did that several times in arguments with Carla. It's an awful feeling, knowing how dishonest we can be given the right (er, wrong, you know what I mean) state of mind.

The best remedy for me in the moment is that when the realization you're not in your right mind sets in, the best thing to do is listen noncommittally.

I hope all comes right with you and the other involved.

[robvalue]

Thank you both very much

It appears everything will be okay. The person recognises I was not in my right mind and believes (I hope) that I now do not in any way stand by what I said. I believe that they have genuinely forgiven me. I would do the same to someone else.

[Edwardo Piet]

I can't relate to dishonesty but I do care about you deeply Rob and lies aren't the worst thing in the world. I have no idea the context or what your motivations were but I know you must have meant no harm You must have been trying to do good with white lies or something? It's okay Rob. Again I wish I could relate I feel like a jerk

I love you big bro.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I can't relate to dishonesty but I do care about you deeply Rob and lies aren't the worst thing in the world. I have no idea the context or what your motivations were  but I know you must have meant no harm You must have been trying to do good with white lies or something? It's okay Rob. Again I wish I could relate I feel like a jerk

I love you big bro.

I can't and won't speak for Rob but for myself, it was as much a matter of lying to myself -- which to my mind removes any possibility of them being white lies.

[robvalue]

I can't relate to dishonesty but I do care about you deeply Rob and lies aren't the worst thing in the world. I have no idea the context or what your motivations were  but I know you must have meant no harm You must have been trying to do good with white lies or something? It's okay Rob. Again I wish I could relate I feel like a jerk

I love you big bro.

Thank you little bro, I love you too

I was trying to help someone, in what I considered to be a potentially dangerous situation. In my mind, they not only didn't take my help seriously, or the threat, but they threw it back in my face as well and levelled some very serious accusations at me. I realise now that this isn't what happened. There were a series of very unfortunate misunderstandings.

I was so deeply hurt by this that I could barely function. Against my better judgement, I contacted them again while in this very emotional state. In my mind, I was sticking up for myself after being mistreated. I wasn't telling any lies, I was just laying things out how they were.

After talking it through, the misunderstandings became apparent, and not only that, much of what I said I realised I didn't mean at all. I'd said how I felt about quite a lot of things, and I realised I totally did not feel that way. In my fragile state and being tormented by depression, my world went topsy turvy during this period. Once it was the right way up, I instantly regretted having ever contacted them before calming myself down.

They have been extremely gracious, and from their point of view, it just seemed like I'd lost the plot for about half an hour. I'm calming down and not being so hard on myself now. Looking back now at what I thought had happened, I can understand why I got as upset as I did.