Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Jello]

Being honest... I just spent £30 on a virtual boat and virtual money and access to a virtual beta....

Capitalism.... The one true enemy of the Red Jelly Commissariat >:C

[Thumpalumpacus]

CIJS -- I know you're always going to have excuses, and I know they're always going to be full of shit. You may as well save yourself the trouble of making one up; I already you'll most anything to get out of pulling your weight here.

[emjay]

CIJS

This was real. It was real to me and it still is. If I have to beg you to do what you should already be doing, then I might as well just say fuck the goddammed pain and get it done myself.

And yes, the next 48 hours will determine how I move on from here.

If you're talking about your back pain and it perhaps not being taken seriously by doctors, I can relate. When I had RSI/back pain it was hard for them to take it seriously because it's all about referred pain from who knows where, crossed nerves etc. If there's no other options I'd recommend massages... that was part of my physio and literally the highlight of my week. Deep tissue, fingers digging in massage. It was painful in itself but a good kind of pain... a relieving kind of pain. And a substitute for it is to get a tennis ball and stand with your back to a wall and roll the ball between your back and the wall. If you get it in the right places you can feel it rolling out the knots in your back just as a massage would. Massage is obviously better but that still does a very good job

[Edwardo Piet]

CIJS

MY O.C.D. HAS TEMPORARILY TURNED OFF

[Thumpalumpacus]

That's good! Let go.

[Joods]

CIJS

This was real. It was real to me and it still is. If I have to beg you to do what you should already be doing, then I might as well just say fuck the goddammed pain and get it done myself.

And yes, the next 48 hours will determine how I move on from here.

If you're talking about your back pain and it perhaps not being taken seriously by doctors, I can relate. When I had RSI/back pain it was hard for them to take it seriously because it's all about referred pain from who knows where, crossed nerves etc. If there's no other options I'd recommend massages... that was part of my physio and literally the highlight of my week. Deep tissue, fingers digging in massage. It was painful in itself but a good kind of pain... a relieving kind of pain. And a substitute for it is to get a tennis ball and stand with your back to a wall and roll the ball between your back and the wall. If you get it in the right places you can feel it rolling out the knots in your back just as a massage would. Massage is obviously better but that still does a very good job

Thanks squishy, love. Yes, I was referring to my back pain, but also towards my other half. When I came out of my procedure, it was made perfectly clear to him that for 48 hours I was not to lift, carry, push, pull, bend over or otherwise exert myself. Yet today I found myself doing some of those very things. And the man watched me do them full well knowing I shouldn't have had to. So yeah, I was pissy.

Broke down and took a damn pain pill earlier too.

---

And to add...this isn't muscle pain. It's seven herniated discs from my mid to lower back, stemming from a car accident 20-some years ago.

[account_inactive]

Being honest... I just spent £30 on a virtual boat and virtual money and access to a virtual beta....

Capitalism.... The one true enemy of the Red Jelly Commissariat >:C

Silly Jello

[emjay]

If you're talking about your back pain and it perhaps not being taken seriously by doctors, I can relate. When I had RSI/back pain it was hard for them to take it seriously because it's all about referred pain from who knows where, crossed nerves etc. If there's no other options I'd recommend massages... that was part of my physio and literally the highlight of my week. Deep tissue, fingers digging in massage. It was painful in itself but a good kind of pain... a relieving kind of pain. And a substitute for it is to get a tennis ball and stand with your back to a wall and roll the ball between your back and the wall. If you get it in the right places you can feel it rolling out the knots in your back just as a massage would. Massage is obviously better but that still does a very good job

Thanks squishy, love. Yes, I was referring to my back pain, but also towards my other half. When I came out of my procedure, it was made perfectly clear to him that for 48 hours I was not to lift, carry, push, pull, bend over or otherwise exert myself. Yet today I found myself doing some of those very things. And the man watched me do them full well knowing I shouldn't have had to. So yeah, I was pissy.

Broke down and took a damn pain pill earlier too.

---

And to add...this isn't muscle pain. It's seven herniated discs from my mid to lower back, stemming from a car accident 20-some years ago.

I'm sorry your husband was so insensitive *hugs* I hope you're feeling better now

[pocaracas]

CIJS, being sick sucks.... thank science for Paracetamol!

[J a c k]

CIJS

In the last couple of weeks I've been yelled at, thrown stuff at, pushed, choked, followed, shut down. One year worth of text messages were printed (I had no idea Verizon backup worked this way, stupid me) and thrown at me in my kitchen. I finally explain to a friend what's going on, and he doesn't understand why I still went through with poetry night, or how I'm being "normal".

This isn't normal. To be literally trembling at night, afraid to call the police, afraid not to, feeling fear mixed with "I feel bad for this person"... this is not normal. To get up and go to work and make my usual jokes like my wall was not just crashed into because I didn't open the door, not normal. To go to my usual spot, have a beer, cry, and laugh at the same time trying to pretend I'm not noticing that I'm fucking crying again... not normal. To realize I left you a YEAR ago and tried leaving you (left you, on and off) for three or four years before that, yet this continues... not fucking normal. That my dad had to drive into town from out of state and basically guard my house all week... not normal at all.

Poetry night was a success. I named it "Naked on a Poetry Night" and it was a no censorship event. People shared raw material and it was great. I introduced each poet all the while looking at the back to make sure you didn't somehow get in.

My poem "Familiar Corpses"... I do wish you had heard it, though. My poem "Letter of Resignation", I wish you heard it. Heh. Knowing you, you probably did. There's court on Monday. Things are finally being taken care of. Letting my people take over is the best thing I could have done. As I lay there like a corpse that can see, I feel like I'm watching the story unfold and the mystery solved all while I just lay there. I'm thinking wow! They found the clues! Maybe I could have lived just a little longer if I had let them in sooner. This is almost over for good and it feels like the storm is at its worst, but it's about to end forever. How do you live when everything is in fact normal? I don't remember. I don't remember.

Cijs? To my friends that stuck by me through thick and thin, that held on to me even when I gave up on myself, who probably got tired of watching me run in place, yet here you are... I will never forget what you have done. Real life friends, and also those I never met in person. I fucking love you!