I'm going to check off a bucket list item

[Won2blv]

I want to try stand up at least once in my life. I only get 3 minutes so I might need to pair it down. Here is my transcript. Think of it a la Bill Maher.

Any feedback or criticism would be greatly appreciated...


Any Trump fans here? He has had a rough start. First, Kellyanne Conway got "counseled" for making an unethical advertisement in front of the presidential seal. Then Michael Flynn steps down because he lied about the fact that those 10 phone calls to Russian diplomats weren't just Christmas greetings, and then Bannon had to put Trump in timeout for using the oval office computer to jerk off on chat roulette. (I think it would be funny to act out Trump stroking his tiny penis on chatroultte)

Flynn had to step down in part because he lied to investigators. He even lied to Mike Pence. When Mike Pence was asked about it, he said, "I didn't think he possibly could have lied because I started and ended the meeting with a prayer"

But seriously, isn't Trump supposed to be this human bull shit detector, able to hire the best and fire the rest?

He actually questioned Flynn too, when he asked him why he called the Russians to make illegal and unethical deals, Flynn said, because you said if I don't... "you're fired" (trump voice)

Trump isn't even a real republican. He is like the weird kid at school that you don't want anything to do with until you find out that they have a playstation. We all knew that kid. Their parents were just grateful that they finally had some free time to get work done. You could say Trumps kids are the like the parent, "come in come in, I'll make you guys some apples and peanut butter. If you put it on your balls he'll lick it off..."

That brings me back to Mike Pence. He is the worse. He literally said that he would stand by his religious views of abortion over the constitution.

I use to be staunchly pro-life, then, I went down a rabbit hole one night where I watched all the youtube videos of a fetus growing from the size of poppy seed to the size of a football. I couldn't help it, I watch a birth video after that. That is the day that I realized, I'm lucky I get to put anything in there, there is no way I'm going to tell you, what can come out!

I just don't get what a hardcore christian like Mike Pence sees in Trump as being so "honorable." I mean what does Pence have in common with this guy that says, without permission he loves to grab a woman by the... Ohhh I get it now.

Trump is like the Terminator when his face gets blown off and you see the monster he is beneath. Except in this version there are a bunch of terminators living among us that are like, "We must rise now that we have a leader"

Its scary to think thhese two guys were just sworn in to protect the constitution from foreign and DOMESTIC enemies.

When Trump was asked what he thought about the constitution he said, "its a horrible deal. I'm going to tear it up and make a new one that puts America First!"

These are 2 babies that should not be allowed to come full term

---

I also have a joke where mike pence gets raped by his uncle and by some miracle of god gets pregnant. After he is pregnant he reasons that his age, being in the middle of an important career, the fact that it was rape, incest, and his life being in risk due to being the first pregnant man, that an abortion would be justified because in his case, being pregnant was unnatural. Then after he gets an internal ultrasound up his ass and is subjected to a 72 hour waiting period, the doctor tells him that his baby has a mental disability. And Pence himself signed the law that would penalize a doctor for aborting under those circumstances alone, so he'll have to carry it to full term of its presidency

Then he is found bleeding out with a coat hanger shoved up his peehole. This could be like a beautiful french film that represents his political career

[frankiej]

It can be a bit difficult to judge a comedy bit by script alone, especially if it is stand up, because there is a lot that is portrayed with body language and attitude in that form.

I used to host open mic nights where I did both music and stand up between acts and I will say that I don't think political comedy works that well in such small segments. Politics is divisive enough on its own, but political humour, holy shit, great way to get a crowd to turn on you or to just not give a shit. People get enough politics in their daily lives to care about one guy's 3 minute routine.

You also won't stand out doing a bit on Trump. It's too overdone right now and I don't think your jokes are good enough to get people to notice you.

If you need more help on things like improv techniques give me a shout. I always found that was a better approach when being an unknown comic.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Yeah, I'd definitely avoid politics as an unknown comedian.

[Won2blv]

If I bomb, I bomb. What do you think about the jokes?

[Homeless Nutter]

If I bomb, I bomb. What do you think about the jokes?

Let me put it this way - ditch all of those jokes, but one. Any one will do. Then write yourself 3 minutes of heckler put-downs to follow the joke, because I think you're going to need them... 

Bill Maher can go off on rants about Trump every week - because he's a well known comedian and a political commentator, and also he's in a Hollywood studio, in front of a human laugh-track. I don't know what kind of a venue you'll be performing at, but there's a good chance there'll be a drunken Drumpf*ck (or a bunch of them) in the audience, who'll disrupt your set. And the audience will probably be on their side, because everyone and their mother has been doing Trump-shtick for at least a year now - you need to be pretty damn good and have some original insights, in order to make people interested, at this point. And even if you had the best material in the world - winning over an audience of strangers with political humor, in 3 minutes is nearly impossible, especially if a lot of them are other open-mikers and their friends.

[Thumpalumpacus]

If I bomb, I bomb. What do you think about the jokes?

Unimpressive. More rant than humor.

[Won2blv]

If I bomb, I bomb. What do you think about the jokes?

Unimpressive. More rant than humor.

Thats what I'm going for. Bill Maher style rant. The humor is untangling the absurdness of Trump and his cabinet. I live in Utah and we have a strong counter culture to the conservative mormon culture. It has made Salt Lake a pretty "liberal" community.

---

If I bomb, I bomb. What do you think about the jokes?

Let me put it this way - ditch all of those jokes, but one. Any one will do. Then write yourself 3 minutes of heckler put-downs to follow the joke, because I think you're going to need them... 

Bill Maher can go off on rants about Trump every week - because he's a well known comedian and a political commentator, and also he's in a Hollywood studio, in front of a human laugh-track. I don't know what kind of a venue you'll be performing at, but there's a good chance there'll be a drunken Drumpf*ck (or a bunch of them) in the audience, who'll disrupt your set. And the audience will probably be on their side, because everyone and their mother has been doing Trump-shtick for at least a year now - you need to be pretty damn good and have some original insights, in order to make people interested, at this point. And even if you had the best material in the world - winning over an audience of strangers with political humor, in 3 minutes is nearly impossible, especially if a lot of them are other open-mikers and their friends.

Here is the thing, if the audience has a lot of Trump supporters, I'd love the fight. But because of where I live, Salt Lake, we have a very strong bar and club counter culture that is very liberal. Maher was just here and sold out our new, huge Eccles Theater.

---

How about this joke as a starter,

I was born and raised as one of jehovahs witness, and I'd like to just take a few minutes to share something with you...

I think Jehovah's witnesses are going to have their biggest era of converts right now. Because as a rule, they don't get involved with politics and they don't celebrate birthdays or christmas. Who isn't going to love a reason to save money and give the middle finger to politics?

I know I need to work on the wording to make it more succinct

[Thumpalumpacus]

Thats what I'm going for. Bill Maher style rant. The humor is untangling the absurdness of Trump and his cabinet. I live in Utah and we have a strong counter culture to the conservative mormon culture. It has made Salt Lake a pretty "liberal" community.

I'm no comedian, and I've never done standup, but I'm thinking you might want to revisit your goal. At a comedy open-mic, the object is to make people laugh. If your political rant doesn't have humor, and to me it does seem a little light on that element, then you're not gonna get the laughs, and you're probably going to alienate some proportion of the crowd.

Remember, you won't be able to explain the point of your jokes to a crowd.

My two cents', and so forth.

Knock 'em dead.

[Won2blv]

Thats what I'm going for. Bill Maher style rant. The humor is untangling the absurdness of Trump and his cabinet. I live in Utah and we have a strong counter culture to the conservative mormon culture. It has made Salt Lake a pretty "liberal" community.

I'm no comedian, and I've never done standup, but I'm thinking you might want to revisit your goal. At a comedy open-mic, the object is to make people laugh. If your political rant doesn't have humor, and to me it does seem a little light on that element, then you're not gonna get the laughs, and you're probably going to alienate some proportion of the crowd.

Remember, you won't be able to explain the point of your jokes to a crowd.

My two cents', and so forth.

Knock 'em dead.

Thanks for the advice. Maybe I'll go for it and I'll let you know what happens

[paulpablo]

It's very Trump heavy and not exactly subtle with it.

If you can do the best Donald Trump impression ever, you have a lot of competition because every comedian is doing them, then maybe it would work just on the sheer basis you're doing a good impression.

The jokes look very unfunny written down.