Funny things your kids say

[Thumpalumpacus]

This isn't anything my son said -- I was nine years old when this happened, and I still get laugh out of my incomprehension. It happened when I lived in Iran:

One Sunday we were off as usual to Mass, the sacraments of which were denied us Baptist heathens. Kerry was driving me up the wall the entire thirty minute ride to services, but quietly, so that his mom didn’t realize anything was amiss. The whole trip was one long exercise in annoyance, and given my then-recent efforts at controlling my temper at my parents’ prodding, it was a miracle we didn’t have a scrap in the car. So we get into Mass, and the priest is well into delivering his homily, and Kerry is still giving me grief under his breath, and so finally my patience wears out and I yell at the top of my voice: “SHUT UP!”

You could have heard angels dancing on the head of a dropping pin, right then.

Man, his mother grabbed me by the ear -- literally -- took me outside, and beat my ass.

I had no idea!

[SteelCurtain]

Best thread ever.

[Faith No More]

Oh, man, my youngest said something so funny the other day, but unfortunately, my wife would probably divorce me if she saw I had posted about it. I'll just say that kids are always observing.

I can, however, mention the time I was driving with my son in the backseat when he was 2 1/2. Another driver on the road did something stupid, and I said, "What the-" but caught myself before I finished. Then I hear this quiet but excited voice exclaim from behind me "Fuck! What the fuck!" That's when I realized I really needed to curb the swearing.

[J a c k]

Not something said, but something done by another kid.

This was the day I went to meet my ex husband's mom before we got married. She had a 1.5 year old son. As we were talking, she was acting all serious and high nosed trying to talk sophisticated and sheyet. Lol! All of a sudden her kid runs out the bedroom and into the dining area where we were at waving a bra and panties like flags and laughing joyfully. Obviously they were her stuff and she was so embarrassed chasing him around trying to grab her huge flowery stuff. Hahahaha best thing ever!

[Ravenshire]

My older daughter's first word may have been "mama," but her first sentence was "fuckin' refs."

That's what happens when your kid is leaning to talk during football season.