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Trying to Apply the Ontological Argument in Real Life
April 10, 2017 at 1:36 pm
Recently, I tested my faith to see how well apologetic logic works as it's put into practical application.
So I walked into a bank and the conversation went something like this:
"Hi, I'd like to withdraw $1 million, please."
"Sir, do you have an account at this bank?"
"I don't think you understand. I'm using Ontological reasoning."
"What?"
"OK, I'll go step by step. Is it possible that I MIGHT have an account at this bank?"
"Well, yes, but then I would show..."
"I'm just speaking hypothetically, here. In an infinite number of universes, could we conceive that in one of them, I would have an account at this bank?"
"Um, OK, sure but..."
"And is it possible that this account MIGHT have $1 million in it?"
"Well, I suppose but..."
"And an account with $1 million in it would be a great thing, right?"
"Well, yes, I'd like that too but..."
"And an account with $1 million would be a great thing?"
"I just said I'd like that too, but..."
"A greater thing than no account, right"
"That goes without saying but..."
"So we have established that my account with $1 million is one that can exist in our minds?"
"What?"
"We can conceived of it, right?"
"Well, sure but..."
"And things that exist are greater than things that don't exist, right?"
"Yes but..."
"So my account with $1 million in it must exist!"
"Wait, WHAT?"
"I'd like my $1 million please."
"SIR, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE AN ACCOUNT AT THIS BANK!"
"Oh, great! Now you're saying that things which don't exist are greater than things which do. Sheesh, you are confused!"
"SECURITY!"
"Ow! Hey! Religious persecution!"
So clearly, I need to find a bank with greater faith.
"You don't need facts when you got Jesus." -Pastor Deacon Fred, Landover Baptist Church
™: True Christian is a Trademark of the Landover Baptist Church. I have no affiliation with this fine group of True Christians ™ because I can't afford their tithing requirements but would like to be. Maybe someday the Lord will bless me with enough riches that I am able to.
And for the lovers of Poe, here's your winking smiley: 
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RE: Trying to Apply the Ontological Argument in Real Life
April 10, 2017 at 1:49 pm
(April 10, 2017 at 1:36 pm)YahwehIsTheWay Wrote: Recently, I tested my faith to see how well apologetic logic works as it's put into practical application.
So I walked into a bank and the conversation went something like this:
"Hi, I'd like to withdraw $1 million, please."
"Sir, do you have an account at this bank?"
"I don't think you understand. I'm using Ontological reasoning."
"What?"
"OK, I'll go step by step. Is it possible that I MIGHT have an account at this bank?"
"Well, yes, but then I would show..."
"I'm just speaking hypothetically, here. In an infinite number of universes, could we conceive that in one of them, I would have an account at this bank?"
"Um, OK, sure but..."
"And is it possible that this account MIGHT have $1 million in it?"
"Well, I suppose but..."
"And an account with $1 million in it would be a great thing, right?"
"Well, yes, I'd like that too but..."
"And an account with $1 million would be a great thing?"
"I just said I'd like that too, but..."
"A greater thing than no account, right"
"That goes without saying but..."
"So we have established that my account with $1 million is one that can exist in our minds?"
"What?"
"We can conceived of it, right?"
"Well, sure but..."
"And things that exist are greater than things that don't exist, right?"
"Yes but..."
"So my account with $1 million in it must exist!"
"Wait, WHAT?"
"I'd like my $1 million please."
"SIR, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE AN ACCOUNT AT THIS BANK!"
"Oh, great! Now you're saying that things which don't exist are greater than things which do. Sheesh, you are confused!"
"SECURITY!"
"Ow! Hey! Religious persecution!"
So clearly, I need to find a bank with greater faith.
Brilliant 
Seek strength, not to be greater than my brother, but to fight my greatest enemy -- myself.
Inuit Proverb
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RE: Trying to Apply the Ontological Argument in Real Life
April 10, 2017 at 4:52 pm
I think what you're in need of is... saving!
badump. chuck.
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition
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RE: Trying to Apply the Ontological Argument in Real Life
April 10, 2017 at 5:17 pm
I want to see this as a youtube skit.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: Trying to Apply the Ontological Argument in Real Life
April 10, 2017 at 5:47 pm
Yet another example of religious apologetics falling apart in the real world.
There is nothing demonstrably true that religion can provide mankind that cannot be achieved as well or better through secular means.
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RE: Trying to Apply the Ontological Argument in Real Life
April 10, 2017 at 6:14 pm
Very good.
Thank you for the laugh.
Now, go and try that with Ken Ham and his "museum".
You might just convince that idiot to give it to you, then you can sell it for scrap.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: Trying to Apply the Ontological Argument in Real Life
April 10, 2017 at 7:23 pm
Too late. It already is scrap.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: Trying to Apply the Ontological Argument in Real Life
April 10, 2017 at 7:39 pm
Ontology finally scrapped! The coup de grace!
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!
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RE: Trying to Apply the Ontological Argument in Real Life
April 11, 2017 at 4:07 pm
(April 10, 2017 at 1:36 pm)YahwehIsTheWay Wrote: Recently, I tested my faith to see how well apologetic logic works as it's put into practical application.
So I walked into a bank and the conversation went something like this:
"Hi, I'd like to withdraw $1 million, please."
"Sir, do you have an account at this bank?"
"I don't think you understand. I'm using Ontological reasoning."
"What?"
"OK, I'll go step by step. Is it possible that I MIGHT have an account at this bank?"
"Well, yes, but then I would show..."
"I'm just speaking hypothetically, here. In an infinite number of universes, could we conceive that in one of them, I would have an account at this bank?"
"Um, OK, sure but..."
"And is it possible that this account MIGHT have $1 million in it?"
"Well, I suppose but..."
"And an account with $1 million in it would be a great thing, right?"
"Well, yes, I'd like that too but..."
"And an account with $1 million would be a great thing?"
"I just said I'd like that too, but..."
"A greater thing than no account, right"
"That goes without saying but..."
"So we have established that my account with $1 million is one that can exist in our minds?"
"What?"
"We can conceived of it, right?"
"Well, sure but..."
"And things that exist are greater than things that don't exist, right?"
"Yes but..."
"So my account with $1 million in it must exist!"
"Wait, WHAT?"
"I'd like my $1 million please."
"SIR, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE AN ACCOUNT AT THIS BANK!"
"Oh, great! Now you're saying that things which don't exist are greater than things which do. Sheesh, you are confused!"
"SECURITY!"
"Ow! Hey! Religious persecution!"
So clearly, I need to find a bank with greater faith.
It's more like this:
Christian: God has revealed himself to me.
Atheist: How do you know it's God who revealed himself to you?
Christian: I just know it's God.
Atheist: Can you prove it?
Christian: No. You weren't there to experience it with me.
Atheist: Well, I don't believe it. If he comes to me and convinces me personally, or if you come up with concrete scientific evidence, then I might believe he exists. I still might not follow him though. Your God isn't even nice.
Christian: All I can say is that when God reveals himself to you then you know it's God.
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RE: Trying to Apply the Ontological Argument in Real Life
April 11, 2017 at 4:10 pm
That sounds much less insane.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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