time for you to become a Muslim. accept it

[Rev. Rye]

Look, kid, if you're really trying to convert us, show us WHY Islam, of all the many faiths out there, is correct, why Allah should be praised, and preferably why groups like DAESH/ISIS or Al Qaeda aren't representative of Islam. And THEN lead into your own personal preferred editions of the Quran. Starting with that makes it all so tedious that your plan is doomed from the start. If you're really committed to lowering the price on that dowry by converting seven atheists, do at least make an attempt at not boring us to tears.

Also, is there some sort of crowdfunding site where one can donate money towards someone's dowry? Because, honestly, a lot of us are familiar on some level with Islam and consider it a non-starter for various reasons (from the many atrocities committed in its name in recent years to the fact that bacon is banned), so it's not likely that you'll convert us. It might actually be simpler to set up a fund for the full-price dowry and give it to the father of the bride.

I don't know how much the full price would be, but it would be a lot more likely that you'll find people willing to donate the money (I believe the term for this is Sadaqah) than it would be to convert atheists to Islam by just talking about your preferred manuscript.

[Wyrd of Gawd]

Don't you know a Poe who's doing satire when you read it?

[Fireball]

Don't you know a Poe who's doing satire when you read it?

I called Poe on this earlier, because women are chattel in most of the Islamic culture, and the fact allegation that he has to give camels for her hand is the reverse of what a dowry is.

[brewer]

Way to shatter my suspension of disbelief. I have no more angst regarding the potential upcoming nuptials.

[Jesster]

[Joods]

The Quran

This is in lieu of my introduction post in which I stated I have to convert 7 of you into Islam in order for our mosque imam to let me marry his daughter at a discount dowry .  I will start by teaching you about the quran.pay attention. I don't wanna have to repeat myself . don't upset me .

I have to upset you. It's part of the atheistic ritual for new theistic members coming here for the sole purpose of trying to convert internet strangers to believe in some magical sky fairy daddy thing. So I'm going to do my absolute best to piss you off. Ready? Here goes.... 

 

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The quran is uncreated and on resurrection day it will become flesh like unto pale man and argue with Allah in defense of Muslim if Allah   has half mind about sticking them in hell . Moreover two suras( Chapter in syraic) will become a cloud and a shade respectively . the air is fresh and sweet . Praise be to Allah

Before I teach you about the Quran we need to pick a Quran from the many versions out there . then we’re going to pick a translation that can effectively bridge   language and  cultural barriers from present to as far back as  14 centuries ago without driving you nuts . .

 Now , there’re ten versions of the Quran from which ten  other  versions were concocted . To be fair  though  there’re more than fifty versions and   they all differ from one another . Praise be to Allah the bountiful and creator  of the seven skies  and mucho qurans . but since you’re not Muslims  I’m not going to burden you with all those Qurans . your minds might not be amiable to contradictions  .  I will pick just  one from them . It’s called Othman quran .  why ?

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allow me to explain. 

Fuck no. None of us here really give a flying fuck. 

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Othman was one of the so called companion of Qathem Ibn Abed AL Lat ( Mohammed ) and the third Caliph . Othman was butchered on account of accusations of tampering with this very quran named after him. He was refused burial in Muslim symmetry and was buried in a Jewish symmetry according to the Islamic narrative . so either he was Jewish or there were no Jews extant  to object to him getting buried in their cemetery . don't think about that .

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just forget about it .

We're trying but you just won't shut the fuck up with your preachy fuckery.

 

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 Othman Quran is used in the majority of Muslim countries .most of them but not all of them .best not to get caught with one in Morocco.  in Morocco at a  book exhibition it was ordered removed .

. Othman version was like  the first version to be printed which was in 1694  in Germany. there some translations before that but lets just say  this was commercial deal. The Ottomans initially rejected  the idea of printed Qurans but changed their minds later  . you will be right to say that  printing and Ottoman expansion was behind it. It became wide spread in the last two centuries .800 years preceding that other Quran versions reigned . Othman version is used by Turkey who has sent close to a thousand clerics to man mosques in Germany were islamization efforts are in full swing coupled with anti assimilation efforts .Praise be to Allah the islamizer and ant assimilator

its called Othman Quran but its not Othman Quran, not according to Islamic historical narrative . better get used to that from now . names that are the names . what happened and according to the islamic narrative , Othman collected all the different versions of the quran and burned them except for this one . so that’s why they call it Othman quran . Mind you the oldest copy extant , what they have at the museum is a copy of copy of alleged Othman quran and that copy has pages missing .

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but its Othman quran and you better not argue with me about . okay . don't upset me . just be nice okay > i want to get married .

Oh fuck off you whiny piece of shit. Go peddle your opinions elsewhere. Have I upset you yet by using hide tags? You know... sentences generally start with a capital letter and consist of at least a noun and a verb or adjective and usually some sort of a connector word. Also, spelling and proper punctuation are very important. Do keep trying though. Are you upset now? Good, good... let the hate flow through you, you miserable fucknugget.

 

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Listen this business of burning books and stuff is just a ploy by Allah the most merciful and beneficent , the destroyer .  What Othman burned were a whole load of Syriac  and Aramaic manuscripts that Qathem Ibn Abed Lat (pBuh)  had hidden .

Back to what I was saying . Turn to the back page of Othman quran and it says   this quran is according to the narration of Hafs Ibn Suliman , who took it form the narration of Asim Ibn Najood who in turn took it from Abi Abed Al Rahman who in turn took his narration from a group of four who are : Othman, Ali Ibn  Abi Talib , Zayd Ibn Thabit and Obey Ibn Kaab” , who in turn took their directly from Mr. Qathem Ibn Abed AL Lat .

So from this you can say the Quran was transmission deal no different from so called haddith . secondly that group of four person were not who Qathem said to take the quran from except for Obey Ibn Kaab .But Abed AL Rhaman said he didn’t take his from Obey but rather Ali Ibn Abi Talib.

So Othman quran is credited to Othman who did not narrate it and the series of transmitters  originate with someone who Qathem (pBuH) did not direct to take the quran from .

 This how Allah confounds the minds of kafirs and infidels , praise be to him

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Excuse me I have to go to the bathroom . please wait for me . I shall return . prepare yourself to become a Muslim in the meantime. 

Please flush the shit you spew down the toilet while you're in there taking a dump. Don't forget to wipe really good so that you don't leave train tracks in your skivvies. 

Have I pissed you off yet? I promise to try harder if it hasn't worked yet. And I guarantee you, you will convince not a single atheist here to convert to your silly religion. 

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. 

Ps - generally I would ignore this type of verbal diarrhea, however because you insist on such an interesting attempt to "convert" atheists by using such an ingenious reason as you MUST do it to get married, I just couldn't resist this once. Many have come before you and many will come after you. I do give you 5 out of 7 stars for your creativity in trying to convert us.  This is a new one. I admire your ability to think outside of the box and it's always nice to see new material show up. It provides us with new cannon fodder. Keep up the good work.

[Losty]

Lol poor dude is just trying to have a laugh, guys

[Ben Davis]

That's it, I'm converted. No question.

Allahu akbar!

[Youwait]

Oh yeah ! You insult me.  Okay . No problem. I’m gonna show you atheists . Trample on you vain glorious infidels.  Watch me .

Today I went to see the father of my sweetheart and I argued passionately that ten camels per 7 atheists is unfair to the camels .I eat puppy meat . Climate change is BS. Trump is the man .  I’m going to subdue you and make you pay jizzya . All pretty  young ladies who are blond with blue eyes start packing . you coming with me . Pretty means fat .  I like a  woman with meat on her that I might flip her thisa way and thata way  without breaking bones , likea   chunky piece  of camel meat.  When the moon hits the sky likea camel pie that’s amore .hey see them split lips  ? sexy . so sexy.


Go ahead and upset me some more . I dare you. nobody better shoot  This here is William Money .

Back to topic … let do  Qthem Ibn Abed A lat. But before that  I want to tell a  story , but not to you.  I don’t want to share this story with you . I  want to tell it to not you only  . so kindly leave this post. I order  you to go away . beat it . shoo.  scram . go fetch. good dogs.


An old man approaches a beautiful young lady sitting on a bench in the park . He says to her ,” My dear , would you sleep with me for a  million dollars ?”  The young lady replies excitedly ,” Why sir ! For a million dollars I would do anything for you.” After a pause the old man says to her ,” My dear would you sleep with me for one dollar.” The young lady becomes very upset and yells at the old man ,” Just what the hell do you take me for ?” The old man answers ,” My dear we’ve already established what you are . Now we’re merely discussing your price .”

His name is Qathem Ibn Abed AL lat . you can get Muslims to admit his name was Qathem and that Qathem means spoiled, crooked damaged . what you can’t get them to admit is that Qathem was the product of promiscuous  sexual practices by Arabs revolving around the pilgrimage season in the hot hot hot sun. say hot hot hot …. you give me camel fever ….. ooweee baby .  Opps ! Qathem happened .
 
The issue basically is that Qathem was born some four years after his alleged dad hit the bucket . This Muslim scholars explain away with what they call “still fetus” . Qathem lay dormant in his mothers’ womb for four years . That is why Qathem was born four years after his alleged dad dropped dead.  

http://staringattheview.blogspot.com/200...art-2.html

The question that presents itself … Why’re Muslims  busy stoning women for adultery when their main man was the product of adultery ? Equally , who pushed humpty dumpty off the wall?  Someone must have pushed him over . Humpty dumpty sat on a wall , humpty had a great fall…a ll the kings men … . see what I mean ?  Kings men ! There were  kings men .

HIS NAME IS QASIM IBN ABED AL LAT . lat is the  pagan goddess . mamma . mommy .

Hey my sweet blondes , don’t bother to bring any clothes with you.I’m going to stick you in the basement tent underground .no windows . here is kiss to inflame you . . smooch

---

Oh yeah ! You insult me. Okay . No problem. I’m gonna show you atheists . Trample on you vain glorious infidels. Watch me .

Today I went to see the father of my sweetheart and I argued passionately that ten camels per 7 atheists is unfair to the camels .I eat puppy meat . Climate change is BS. Trump is the man . I’m going to subdue you and make you pay jizzya . All pretty young ladies who are blond with blue eyes start packing . you coming with me . Pretty means fat . I like a woman with meat on her that I might flip her thisa way and thata way without breaking bones , likea chunky piece of camel meat. When the moon hits the sky likea camel pie that’s amore .hey see them split lips ? sexy . so sexy.

Go ahead and upset me some more . I dare you. nobody better shoot This here is William Money . you better not shoot .
Back to topic … let do Qthem Ibn Abed A lat. But before that I want to tell a story , but not to you. I don’t want to share this story with you . I want to tell it to not you only . so kindly leave this post. I order you to go away . beat it . shoo. scram . go fetch. good dogs.

An old man approaches a beautiful young lady sitting on a bench in the park . He says to her ,” My dear , would you sleep with me for a million dollars ?” The young lady replies excitedly ,” Why sir ! For a million dollars I would do anything for you.” After a pause the old man says to her ,” My dear would you sleep with me for one dollar.” The young lady becomes very upset and yells at the old man ,” Just what the hell do you take me for ?” The old man answers ,” My dear we’ve already established what you are . Now we’re merely discussing your price .”

His name is Qathem Ibn Abed AL lat . you can get Muslims to admit his name was Qathem and that Qathem means spoiled, crooked damaged . what you can’t get them to admit is that Qathem was the product of promiscuous sexual practices by Arabs revolving around the pilgrimage season in the hot hot hot sun. say hot hot hot …. you give me camel fever ….. ooweee baby . Opps !Qathem happened .

The issue basically is that Qathem was born some four years after his alleged dad hit the bucket . This Muslim scholars explain away with what they call “still fetus” . Qathem lay dormant in his mothers’ womb for four years . That is why Qathem was born four years after his alleged dad dropped dead.

http://staringattheview.blogspot.com/200...art-2.html

The question that presents itself … Why are Muslims busy stoning women for adultery when their main man was the product of adultery ? Equally , who pushed humpty dumpty off the wall? Someone must have pushed him over . Humpty dumpty sat on a wall , humpty had a great fall…a ll the kings men … . see what I mean ? Kings men ! There were kings men .

HIS NAME IS QASIM IBN ABED AL LAT . lat is the pagan goddess . mamma . mommy .

Hey my sweet blondes , don’t bother to bring any clothes with you.I’m going to stick you in the basement tent underground .no windows . here is kiss to inflame you . . smooch .

[Losty]

Somehow the thought of you flipping around a chunky piece of camel meat is not only not sexy, but kinda gross. Lol maybe I'm just weird.