a new atheist and marriage

[Thegoodatheist]

Hey Everyone! 

I wanted to come on here because I wanted to get some opinions 

I never grew up very religious (although my family did celebrate christmas), but in my teens I considered believing in God and got very serious about being a Christian. I even was a Mormon at one point. 

During that time I dated someone and he was atheist. He was the first atheist I date and he grew up as an atheist. 

We discussed how important my faith was, but thankfully and eventually since we were dating I decided to look into what he believed (or rather didn't believe). I got a ton of books on atheism and read about it. About a year after we dated I decided to go with logic and abandoned my belief in God. It was probably the best thing I decided to do. Two years ago I started college and am still in college. I am 29 now and after a long time devoting myself to magical crap I became a logical person. Education only helped me become a more logical thinker. 

I am still with the same man and we're engaged now. Going to be 4 years together soon. 

What I'm curious about is the fact that I still cling to the idea of traditional marriage and traditional gender roles. Me and my fiance have always lived in a traditional relationship. He makes a good income and I go to school. I clean and cook, but I enjoy doing things like that. As a Christian I always had a basis in God for how to behave in a relationship and be a good girlfriend (or soon to be wife).. now that I am a non believer I still believe in traditional roles but I've taken God out of the mix. 


I am wondering if there actually exist atheist like me. Are there Christians who turned atheist and still believe in traditional gender roles? I can't find anything online about a conservative atheist or an atheist who have traditional roles. 

To me it's clearly possible to be a traditionalist (even if you're female) and not be Christian 
Just like it's possible to be an atheist with a moral compass

[paulpablo]

Stefan Molyneux has a huge youtube channel who sounds basically like the kind of person you talk about.

He promotes marriage, breast feeding, stay at home parenting, peaceful parenting which is essentially against spanking.  

He also debates theists about evolution and so on, but a lot of his videos are very Christian friendly because I think he sees them as a political ally.

[Crossless2.0]

I'm not really clear on what you mean by "traditional" roles . . . that he works and you enjoy cooking and housework? Meh. If that's what makes you a happy, functioning couple, knock yourselves out! To each his/her own.

What is your field of study? Do you plan to work once you've graduated? If so, does that strike you as somehow 'untraditional'? Is it a possible source of friction in your relationship?

Anyway, welcome and congratulations on your engagement.

[Brian37]

Hey Everyone! 

I wanted to come on here because I wanted to get some opinions 

I never grew up very religious (although my family did celebrate christmas), but in my teens I considered believing in God and got very serious about being a Christian. I even was a Mormon at one point. 

During that time I dated someone and he was atheist. He was the first atheist I date and he grew up as an atheist. 

We discussed how important my faith was, but thankfully and eventually since we were dating I decided to look into what he believed (or rather didn't believe). I got a ton of books on atheism and read about it. About a year after we dated I decided to go with logic and abandoned my belief in God. It was probably the best thing I decided to do. Two years ago I started college and am still in college. I am 29 now and after a long time devoting myself to magical crap I became a logical person. Education only helped me become a more logical thinker. 

I am still with the same man and we're engaged now. Going to be 4 years together soon. 

What I'm curious about is the fact that I still cling to the idea of traditional marriage and traditional gender roles. Me and my fiance have always lived in a traditional relationship. He makes a good income and I go to school. I clean and cook, but I enjoy doing things like that. As a Christian I always had a basis in God for how to behave in a relationship and be a good girlfriend (or soon to be wife).. now that I am a non believer I still believe in traditional roles but I've taken God out of the mix. 


I am wondering if there actually exist atheist like me. Are there Christians who turned atheist and still believe in traditional gender roles? I can't find anything online about a conservative atheist or an atheist who have traditional roles. 

To me it's clearly possible to be a traditionalist (even if you're female) and not be Christian 
Just like it's possible to be an atheist with a moral compass

Of course there can be socially conservative atheists. Just like there can be economically conservative atheists. 

But if you are going to talk about it I can point out in a few words why both are just as bad as any theist bullshit.

1. My life is none of your fucking business as far as social issues.

2. If "fuck you I got mine" worked on economics Somalia would be a world power.

Why would you want to believe old bullshit and simply adapt it because someone sold it to you?

If you cant handle a female wearing what they want, or making more than you, or even supporting you financially what do you want me to say? You are just as bad as any right wing theist.

If you think that by a liberal theist or liberal atheist on ECONOMICS is claiming we want a nanny state like Stalin or Cuba what do you want me to say to that? I cant tell you flat out it would not be, "You got us". No my response would be "FUCK YOU".

I could give as shit less who pays the bills or who wears what, as long as it works and the parties involved consent. No, I do not think that the rich deserve to dictate economic policy but no, that does not make me anti private sector. 

Yes I have seen both socially conservative and economically conservative atheists in my past, and unfortunately they do exist. But if you think I am here to coddle your insecurities, you are barking up the wrong tree.

[Minimalist]

What I'm curious about is the fact that I still cling to the idea of traditional marriage and traditional gender roles.

One has little to do with the other.  The way the jesus freaks tell it, their boy never got married but hung out with hookers and was a leach who lived off the charity of others.  As long as you don't believe a dead jew came back to life for your sins I'd say to live the way you and your finance want to live and screw jesus.

Welcome to the forum, btw.

[Thegoodatheist]

I'm not really clear on what you mean by "traditional" roles . . . that he works and you enjoy cooking and housework? Meh. If that's what makes you a happy, functioning couple, knock yourselves out! To each his/her own.

What is your field of study? Do you plan to work once you've graduated? If so, does that strike you as somehow 'untraditional'? Is it a possible source of friction in your relationship?

Anyway, welcome and congratulations on your engagement.

I suppose what I mean is traditional roles of male and female. The man provides and the woman keeps up the household. 

My field of study I haven't determined. I am taking college slow and just getting a ton of general classes out of the way. 

I am thinking either nutrition or pharmacology. Both of which are fairly different. 

I fully support anyone's choice of way of life. I understand that there are many ways to live, but mine just happens to be what works for me. 

I was just curious if if was common. 

Also my previous christian life didn't create completely my idea on gender roles. I grew up in a house with a father who was from Laos who instilled the idea of set gender roles (and those ideas weren't presented as a go along with God). 

I don't want to tell other people how to live, nor should people tell me how to live. 

I believe everyone should be compassionate about other people's lives.. which includes being tolerate of beliefs even if you disagree. 

I think there's some atheist who are very angry and I am not an angry atheist. I care about people and I care about people being happy. I think if being religious makes you happy that's okay and if not believing is what brings you joy okay. 

People strive to feel like they are right and no one is really right. What works for you might not work for everyone. 

I feel like some people who come off very angry may put people off the message that's presented. If a Christian is telling you you're gonna burn in hell that might not make you want a bible (although you shouldn't want one), but similarly if an atheist is telling a Christian they're stupid that isn't helpful either. 

Opening up an honest and civil dialogue is extremely important!

[Alex K]

My partner and I are atheists, yet we got married and then had two kids, I stayed home for a year and took care of the first child, and I love to cook for the family. That would be a relatively conservative arrangement according to your criteria, except that I'm male

[Thegoodatheist]

Hey Everyone! 

I wanted to come on here because I wanted to get some opinions 

I never grew up very religious (although my family did celebrate christmas), but in my teens I considered believing in God and got very serious about being a Christian. I even was a Mormon at one point. 

During that time I dated someone and he was atheist. He was the first atheist I date and he grew up as an atheist. 

We discussed how important my faith was, but thankfully and eventually since we were dating I decided to look into what he believed (or rather didn't believe). I got a ton of books on atheism and read about it. About a year after we dated I decided to go with logic and abandoned my belief in God. It was probably the best thing I decided to do. Two years ago I started college and am still in college. I am 29 now and after a long time devoting myself to magical crap I became a logical person. Education only helped me become a more logical thinker. 

I am still with the same man and we're engaged now. Going to be 4 years together soon. 

What I'm curious about is the fact that I still cling to the idea of traditional marriage and traditional gender roles. Me and my fiance have always lived in a traditional relationship. He makes a good income and I go to school. I clean and cook, but I enjoy doing things like that. As a Christian I always had a basis in God for how to behave in a relationship and be a good girlfriend (or soon to be wife).. now that I am a non believer I still believe in traditional roles but I've taken God out of the mix. 


I am wondering if there actually exist atheist like me. Are there Christians who turned atheist and still believe in traditional gender roles? I can't find anything online about a conservative atheist or an atheist who have traditional roles. 

To me it's clearly possible to be a traditionalist (even if you're female) and not be Christian 
Just like it's possible to be an atheist with a moral compass

Of course there can be socially conservative atheists. Just like there can be economically conservative atheists. 

But if you are going to talk about it I can point out in a few words why both are just as bad as any theist bullshit.

1. My life is none of your fucking business as far as social issues.

2. If "fuck you I got mine" worked on economics Somalia would be a world power.

Why would you want to believe old bullshit and simply adapt it because someone sold it to you?

If you cant handle a female wearing what they want, or making more than you, or even supporting you financially what do you want me to say? You are just as bad as any right wing theist.

If you think that by a liberal theist or liberal atheist on ECONOMICS is claiming we want a nanny state like Stalin or Cuba what do you want me to say to that? I cant tell you flat out it would not be, "You got us". No my response would be "FUCK YOU".

I could give as shit less who pays the bills or who wears what, as long as it works and the parties involved consent. No, I do not think that the rich deserve to dictate economic policy but no, that does not make me anti private sector. 

Yes I have seen both socially conservative and economically conservative atheists in my past, and unfortunately they do exist. But if you think I am here to coddle your insecurities, you are barking up the wrong tree.

If you want to talk about feminism.. isn't feminism about letting women have a choice?

I think women should have a choice no matter what that choice is

(Assuming you're a female) you should be able to wear what you want and get a job if you want.. if that's okay for you to do.. why is it not okay for me to stay home and clean and cook meals for my boyfriend?

I think by coming off very angry and defensive you are really just putting people off the message you are trying to bring about. 

Labels are not very useful and just separates us as human beings

I don't consider myself leftist or right winged or anything like that. 

I'm just a person. I am a college student trying to get through school and do something great in life

I merely just wanted to know if other people had my experience and you commented with a very rude defensive post. I think that shows a lot about you. I feel you also may have your own insecurities. Most people who are angry or react in an angry manner tend to be insecure or scared and might use anger to justify something (esp something they feel important)

What I may assumed happened is my post made you uncomfortable and get angry because you hold your values to a high standard. I assume traditional relationships aren't for you and you don't feel like it is good to have that kind of lifestyle (perhaps esp for a female). I understand that. I would appreciate a civil dialogue though and perhaps you can tell me why such a life is not appropriate.

[Brian37]

I'm not really clear on what you mean by "traditional" roles . . . that he works and you enjoy cooking and housework? Meh. If that's what makes you a happy, functioning couple, knock yourselves out! To each his/her own.

What is your field of study? Do you plan to work once you've graduated? If so, does that strike you as somehow 'untraditional'? Is it a possible source of friction in your relationship?

Anyway, welcome and congratulations on your engagement.

I suppose what I mean is traditional roles of male and female. The man provides and the woman keeps up the household. 

My field of study I haven't determined. I am taking college slow and just getting a ton of general classes out of the way. 

I am thinking either nutrition or pharmacology. Both of which are fairly different. 

I fully support anyone's choice of way of life. I understand that there are many ways to live, but mine just happens to be what works for me. 

I was just curious if if was common. 

Also my previous christian life didn't create completely my idea on gender roles. I grew up in a house with a father who was from Laos who instilled the idea of set gender roles (and those ideas weren't presented as a go along with God). 

I don't want to tell other people how to live, nor should people tell me how to live. 

I believe everyone should be compassionate about other people's lives.. which includes being tolerate of beliefs even if you disagree. 

I think there's some atheist who are very angry and I am not an angry atheist. I care about people and I care about people being happy. I think if being religious makes you happy that's okay and if not believing is what brings you joy okay. 

People strive to feel like they are right and no one is really right. What works for you might not work for everyone. 

I feel like some people who come off very angry may put people off the message that's presented. If a Christian is telling you you're gonna burn in hell that might not make you want a bible (although you shouldn't want one), but similarly if an atheist is telling a Christian they're stupid that isn't helpful either. 

Opening up an honest and civil dialogue is extremely important!

Again, why the fuck should it matter to you who pays the bills? Because some old people said so?

No, what matters is that it works. Just like if a female doctor gives me a life saving operation. Seriously, why should I give one fuck that someone with a vagina saved my life? I lived, that is what matters.

In my 50 years of life, I have run into countless females far more capable than me depending on topic. I have had female bosses and I don't feel the slightest bit of same for that. What matters is what works and who can do the job. And it is most CERTAINLY even within a family, for a female to lead.

If you cant handle that, the problem is you, not females.

[Thegoodatheist]

I suppose what I mean is traditional roles of male and female. The man provides and the woman keeps up the household. 

My field of study I haven't determined. I am taking college slow and just getting a ton of general classes out of the way. 

I am thinking either nutrition or pharmacology. Both of which are fairly different. 

I fully support anyone's choice of way of life. I understand that there are many ways to live, but mine just happens to be what works for me. 

I was just curious if if was common. 

Also my previous christian life didn't create completely my idea on gender roles. I grew up in a house with a father who was from Laos who instilled the idea of set gender roles (and those ideas weren't presented as a go along with God). 

I don't want to tell other people how to live, nor should people tell me how to live. 

I believe everyone should be compassionate about other people's lives.. which includes being tolerate of beliefs even if you disagree. 

I think there's some atheist who are very angry and I am not an angry atheist. I care about people and I care about people being happy. I think if being religious makes you happy that's okay and if not believing is what brings you joy okay. 

People strive to feel like they are right and no one is really right. What works for you might not work for everyone. 

I feel like some people who come off very angry may put people off the message that's presented. If a Christian is telling you you're gonna burn in hell that might not make you want a bible (although you shouldn't want one), but similarly if an atheist is telling a Christian they're stupid that isn't helpful either. 

Opening up an honest and civil dialogue is extremely important!

Again, why the fuck should it matter to you who pays the bills? Because some old people said so?

No, what matters is that it works. Just like if a female doctor gives me a life saving operation. Seriously, why should I give one fuck that someone with a vagina saved my life? I lived, that is what matters.

In my 50 years of life, I have run into countless females far more capable than me depending on topic. I have had female bosses and I don't feel the slightest bit of same for that. What matters is what works and who can do the job. And it is most CERTAINLY even within a family, for a female to lead.

If you cant handle that, the problem is you, not females.

Makes sense, but on that note what if that's the situation

In any gender I suppose.. what if my boyfriend is working and I lose my job and he becomes the provider. In that way if I'm still trying to find work but am at home all day it might be appropriate that I stay home and clean since I'm not working 

I think I get what you're saying. I think what you mean is that you shouldn't have to define it. I think what you mean is that a relationship is a relationship and you shouldn't go with a guide. 

Life does happen and I guess nothing is set in stone