The Undeniable Phenomenon of Alien Abductions

[The Valkyrie]

Every year thousands of people state that they have been abducted by aliens.

All of these people, in their testimonials, share a number of similarities in their stories:

 - Lost time.
 - They remember lights and then nothing else.
 - Their stories are often brought out under hypnosis, sometimes even by people who don't make money from the claims.
 - They describe similar rooms.
 - Green or grey aliens with big black eyes.
 - Mysterious marks on their bodies.
 - Strange implants.
 - Sore bums.

How can anyone deny this disturbing phenomenon with a straight face?

The testimonials are out there, people.

The stories are posted all over YouTube, which, as everyone knows, is a 100% reliable source of Truth, with a capital "T"!

And we all know that our governments are in cahoots with the aliens, giving them free rein to abduct random people off isolated highways, despite the abundance of hardened criminals and war criminals/terrorists that the governments have access to.

And, if it isn't true, explain Area 51!

I, for one, would like to say here that I pledge fealty to our hidden alien overlords, especially the reptilian shape-changing ones.

[Ravenshire]

Something you forgot:

Alien abductees are people from all over the world.

[Mr.wizard]

It's True!!! I saw it on an obscure channel on my Direct TV, they even had testimony from real UFOlogists so obviously there is scientific backing.

[brewer]

Now all I can think about is adduction but I'm sure no one wants to talk about alien adduction.

[Minimalist]

Brilliant parody.


I wonder if the douchebag will get it?

[Ravenshire]

I wonder if the douchebag will get it?

No.

---

It's True!!! I saw it on an obscure channel on my Direct TV, they even had testimony from real UFOlogists so obviously there is scientific backing.

Direct TV? Shit, I been learnin' about 'em offa late night radio since at least the 70's. They had them UFO science guys too!

[The Valkyrie]

Something you forgot:

Alien abductees are people from all over the world.

Very true.

Unlike religious "miracles", which only seem to happen where that religion is dominant, alien abductions are a truly global phenomenon.

Makes you wonder how ANYONE can deny it.

Also, we have multiple grainy video images and pictures of UFOs in flight.

And, as we all know, the grainier the image, the more real the event.

[Minimalist]

Yup.  That's what Ben Carson thinks.

[The Industrial Atheist]

Now all I can think about is adduction but I'm sure no one wants to talk about alien adduction.

My ermm knowledge of muscle functioning is a little rusty. Is that when something moves away from the center of the body? Or the opposite of that?

[Jackalope]

All you sketpics need to STFU. I...I mean a friend was personally...I mean told me he was cornholed by aliens.