Let's edit the NT.

[Minimalist]

"Jesus" wasn't here the first time.

[vorlon13]

Not sure a further re-editing of the NT will help. No less a brain than Joseph Smith took a shot at it and he really munged it up. And don't get me started on the ret-conning Apostle Paul did to the Jesus story before there even was a New Testament.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I spent a night in a venerable hotel in Albuquerque back in the '80s. Bored, I got to poking around. In one of the drawers was a Bible, Gideon edition. I saw a slip of paper between the pages, so I pulled it. It said:

Please sign this if you've actually opened this Bible, with date.

Jack Jacobson. 11/19/69.

There were no other signatures.

[Fireball]

[downbeatplumb]

That night Jacob got up and erotically oiled up took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. So Jacob was left alone, and a man with handle bar moustache and backless chaps wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the "socket of Jacob’s hip" so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” and I must get home before the wives suspect. Call me.
ut Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
27 Then the man asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he answered.
28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,[a] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have come.”

[Succubus]

28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,[a] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have come.”

Have come?
Now there's a thing, I fancied having a go at Song of Solomon but I won't, it's a lovely story and I think this passage is the first ever mention of coitus interruptus.

7:2 Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an heap of wheat 'set about with lilies'.

Aye, the train's cumming so y'man pulls out and hoses her down. I hope he didn't wipe his knob on the curtains this was her mothers room.

And those cheeky fucking Catholics accuse us of not knowing the bible!

[vorlon13]

I believe dung and feces eating and cannibalism are mentioned in Scripture too. Don't recall the specific circumstances right now . . . .

[Succubus]

Meat fucker.